For LK

I'm analytical.  I also find humour in some stuff.  I like to teach things that confused me at one point.  Preaching appeals in some ways - but the creativity of it is tough.  Sometimes I have a great anecdote that seems to fix the text so well - I can imagine people making the link between the text and this great example I have.  Sadly after hours of writing, checking email, reading Craiglist and getting a snack it hits me.  The sermon is not coming together because this great anecdote just doesn't fit anywhere.  I don't know how the creative part comes together.  Wanting to express something but not finding the right structure is frustrating.  Whether this is a talent or just takes practice I haven't decided.  I'm leaning towards that it is something one is born with.

Craigslist: Digital Genitals - Models needed (Toronto)

I thought this was going to be a source of cheap humour and not worthy of my higher intellect.  Until I read this which obviously shows that this is one class act:

Please send in a description of your genitalia, your age, your ethnicity, along with a small colour photo.

Men: PLEASE NO ERECTIONS!
Women: Please apply - I need you on this one.
This is a professional shoot - please act accordingly. 
AND

This is unpaid work however, wine & nibbles will be provided at the shoot. 

Hey, I`m a big fan of the canape and eating while standing up but after having those pictures taken I`m ready to go home.  I can`t get the idea out of my mind of these random naked people eating cocktail wienies trying to come up with small talk......

Craigslist: Social Anxiety & Social Phobia Personal Support Group

It takes a few years for the group to meet and by then they don`t need it.....

I Enjoy Sinning

Hmm...my classmates may be ready to oust me.  I`m just not on the same wavelength.  We were talking about one of our readings and someone commented that once we are fully transformed at the end of time there would be no enjoyment in sinning - we would never want to sin so would naturally not sin.

The question was why did the author say this since we don`t enjoy sinning....I spoke up right away and said I DO enjoy sinning.  This was not well accepted.  I pointed out that if I did not get some kind of pleasure from it I wouldn`t do it.  My prof corrected me to say that of course with reflection I would come to regret my sin and then feel badly for it.  I didn`t want to disagree but frankly I do not even recognize my sin at all times - if I did I would never get off my knees from praying for strength.

We should pray for Jane, her daughter is dating a pagan!

Maybe people do not see sin the same way.  Maybe they just think about the big sins.  I certainly do not enjoy killing people.  But I do enjoy gossip.  It may not look 100% like gossip if I cover it up with words of concern but likely there is some gossip in it.  What about wasting time, over eating, lust...

Or am I really not as ``good`` as the rest.....

C might have job, but then again maybe not.

Well, C may have a job.  He went for a long interview and testing process.  He has told me that he is hired.  Just not sure exactly for what he has been hired!  The salary is probably about 11.00.  He is not sure of benefits. 

I'm a little more intense and far more cynical so I'm sure you understand that I am not really settled until I see a paycheque!  It's a security company and the discussion started at a job call for the airport in security.  When they saw his resume they pulled him out and had someone call him to see what they had available right away.  So he went to this 2nd interview with a bunch of people and was hired.  But another manager in another district might want him for a job he has in Markham.  He was supposed to call yesterday which is why we don't really know his assignment.  C is off for training today (not paid which makes me annoyed).  If there are benefits then we will end up earning more than EI and since EI runs out in January and C is so excited I'm trying to relax.  At least this way he is employed and doing something he loves and we are no longer a drain on society.  After applying for 64 jobs almost all of them in his field we can't be too picky. Well, we are - just not that noticeable in North American standards.  Now if only my brother could find something....

Hey I Owned One of Those....

For the past ten years, every now and then I see something labelled Vintage that I used to own....like this charming paint by number - which had a partner painting and hung in my bedroom.  Perfect for a girl's room done in purple.  This was in a time when purple was not the rage....I was ahead of my time though apparently 30 years ahead!

Too Much Time on Internet

Yesterday I came across this handmade item (in terms of jewellry design) from a Toronto artist on Etsy:

This morning I checked a favourite site - Victoria Trading Company and found this new product:



Now its not too surprising that a jewellery making Victorian style jewellery would end up using the same findings as another company.  But to stumble across on a site I rarely check on a random look through and another one within 12 hours says that I have to get a hobby.  Like cleaning the house, making dinner or writing one of my papers or sermons....nah, I have followers that work in the real world that I need to make these discoveries for!

I`m Old- Ceiling Cat

A long time ago a phenomenon called Ceiling Cat began with the picture above.  Ceiling Cat became a pardody of Christianity.  As a matter of fact Ceiling Cat has such a following that the whole Bible is being translated into kittenspeak - better known as LOLCAT.  Notably by people older than me.

There was a time when I was at least in the top 15 percent in terms of knowing what is going on.  However, for about 5 years or more I have slowly lost whatever insight into cultural memes I once had.  I`m getting old.

I don`t have the LOLCAT language down but have been enjoying reading some of the Psalms through this new voice - they sound so familiar yet different!

Apostles Creed - By Ceiling Cat

Modern English Version


I believe in God, the Father almighty,

creator of heaven and earth.



I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died, and was buried;

he descended to the dead.

On the third day he rose again;

he ascended into heaven,

he is seated at the right hand of the Father,

and he will come again to judge the living and the dead.



I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting. AMEN.



Ceiling Cat Creed


We blieves in one big kitteh, Ceiling Cat,

who maded teh urfs an teh skiez

an all teh cheezburgers an teh invizibul bicycles an stuff.


We blieves in one happycat, Jeebus,

onliest son ov Ceiling Cat,

bornded beefor all teh cheezburgers an stuffs,

He gots some Ceiling Cat in him, srsly, k?

He helpded Ceiling Cat makes all teh cheezburgers an stuffs.

"Fer all teh kittehs he comez down frum teh ceiling

an beez a kitteh thru da Force an teh virjn Hello Kitty! wit no hankie pankies,

an was reely a kitteh, srsly.

He got teh crucify fer us kittehs by Pilate;

An gots todally pwned and faceplanted.

An caem bak to lief on teh thrd dai liek it wuz fortolded in teh Bible

An went bak up to teh Ceiling, an tuk a nappy in teh sunbeam nex to Ceiling Cat.

He will come bak daon frum teh Ceiling, to be teh judge ov teh live kittehs an teh dead kittehs.

An hiz kitteh kingdum bees furevr.


We blieves in Hovercat, teh giber ov life,

who comes frum Ceiling Cat [an maybe Jeebus],  (Ha ! filoque controversy! - Vic)

who we lurves jus like Ceiling Cat an Happycat,

an who tellz teh profits whut to sai.

We blieves in teh itteh bitteh kitteh committeh.

We DO NOT WANT baffs, but will hav wun fur furgivness.

We spektin to caem bak to life after we faceplant,

an lives furever in teh Ceiling.

Ceiling Cat - Psalm 23

1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)


He givz me evrithin I need.



2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot

an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.



3 He makez mai soul happi

an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.



4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch,

bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.



5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn.

He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.



6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai

an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.

My Mother is Getting Old

Okay, I`ve noticed this for awhile but the other day took the cake.  My mother has some very definite opinons on things that are being fed from other people her age.  Not working has the disadvantage of limiting your exposure to different age groups.

When she left the room my brother commented that she is getting old.  He then related the following story:

Mom:  What does ``WTF`` mean

Bro:     ``What the hell.``

Mom:  Wouldn`t that be ``WTH``

Bro:  Yes, but its an F.  Think  ``what the F``

Mom:  But why do people even say it

Sorry - I can`t find how to use the question mark - on my notebook.  Anyhow, I guess she still hasn`t really figured out the context for this acronymn!

Second Chance Wildlife Sanctuary Fall Charity Yard Sale and BBQ

Um....if they don't sell do we eat them?

Part-time nanny needed for the east end of the city

That's a lot of diaper changes....

host for about 1.5 weeks? (Yorkville area)

Yeah, its tough out there....from Craigslist:

Im from Ottawa and I'm getting cosmetic surgery done. I'm completely broke from this surgery cost so Im seeking a volunteer host for about a week and a half prob around Nov 10th.  (sorry, finding a place to stay after sugery is part of the cost).


Id be bringing my older sister along so you wouldn't have to babysit me. (um, so there is actually two of you in my home) Also, I'd be in bed most of the time so I'd be pretty quiet (what kinda surgery with such a long recovery rate - I'm picturing oozing and a change of bandages). Me and my sis can share a room. In exchange, I could bring some good food and some good conversations! (without the conversations I'm sure I would get stories from this experience to last a lifetime).

I know its a pretty measly offer but it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

You can see that I"m not so sympathetic.  Even a few hundred bucks would be an incentive.  And note - she is looking in the Yorkville area - heck I'd love to have brunch in the Yorkville area - I'd love to KNOW someone in the Yorkville area.  If you are looking for a room in the apartment of a guy who is out of work and living hand to mouth throw in a few bucks and we'll think about it!

Music Ministry

I learned about planning worship from the best from my first church.  Sadly, I have found that not every church shares this vision of incorporating all parts of the service with a theme or approach.  Now of course music is a big part of worship - it can say so much that we can't do with words.  Even setting the mood from confession to assurance, from hope to lament.

I've planned services many times but never with such a limitation for the music.  A lead organist who is sometimes joined in with piano.  All psalter hymnal songs.  Now I'm not musically gifted but after some time of hearing others I know that the tempo for the music was normally too slow - and I suspect the same for every song.  Everything ends up sounding like a funeral dirge. 

But a local church in this small town brought in a very accomplished worship director from I think it was Winnipeg.  She was met with their diocese and also help open sessions for the community to teach how to sing as a group and for local churches how to plan a service.  In only my 2nd week I had this great resource!  I invited our music people.  The organist was surprised to learn that she is the lead.  Someone has to be and since I can't see her very clearly from the pulpit and the pianist is on the opposite side of the room wither her back to the congregation it may as well be her!

I was able to purchase some time to have the director listen to my voice.  She went through a scale with me and found my range she told me to describe it as C to the D after the next C.  Taught me a few Taize that I could teach the congregation.  No organ required.

Now how to get this into a service without upsetting the organist?   I asked if there were people wanting to learn new songs.  I had one very interested lady who was a visitor.  Finally I realized that I would have to just do it - chose one for before confession and one to follow.  Promised the congregation that if they hated doing the first one we would not attempt the second.  Bless them.  They were game and tried it and we did the 2nd one too.  People sang loud and I think God heard some beautiful music - he has gracious ears!  And the organist - well for the first time in a long time she was not available that Sunday.  I was able to give the congregation permission to think about what they can do as a group if there is no musician available.  A seed planted - along with other seeds planted by younger members who have wanted to play newer songs!

And what I am very pleased about is how I put forward the idea of change and let it go free.  Years ago I would have been working three times as hard to try to make it happen.  I'm learning to be gracious.

Scary standing there singing - could keep my eyes open as it breaks my concentration.  So a month later when my group is asked to lead worship at the retreat for all 3 Cohort years (about 30 people) I volunteered to sing Taize if there were absolutely no other options.  The chapel had beautiful acoustics which made me sound better than I am and people actually commented later on my voice - and the pleasure of using simple tunes during worship that they had not heard before.  I again closed my eyes - too nervous otherwise, but got through it.  Some people assumed that I sing like this all the time!  

It was a great summer of stretching myself.  We have an accomplished conductor in our small church that sometimes leads a choir at Christmas - I might actually see if I can join this year!  

Ministry Time in Small Town Ontario

Well , its been just over a month since Igot back from Cochrane.  It seems like a long time ago!

I had an absolute blast.  Preached for 8 Sundays in a row.  Visited parishioners. Showed up for community events.  Lived with a roommate for the first time ever!

I left feeling really called to church ministry - I loved the church and her people even though there were things that I would want to encourage to change.

The people were super friendly and down to earth.  For the first time in years I was able to wear what I want and still fit in.  The houses were well kept but not fancy.  The town had cute stores and everything I needed.  The local Chinese restaurant made wicked home made cheeseburgers with fries and gravy.

The local churches get together every Thursday for an hour of prayer followed by breakfast together.

One of the greatest compliments I got was on my last day I did a sermon and a bunch of CRC came to visit the town.  They were older and obviously well churched and took time to encourage me in my studies and to go for it!  It was nice to have people affirm me.

And affirmation was everywhere.  I preached some hard stuff when the time was right and it was recognized as challenging for the church to think about BUT Biblical.  The elder gave a speech at the end which was so kind and gracious thanking me for my time and how much they enjoyed having me there.  At one point they had stopped referring to me as their "student pastor" but just called me "pastor" when introducing me. 

I went to a farmer's picnic and they asked the elder from the church to do the blessing.  They all know he is a Christian.  Later he asked if that was okay - he apologized and said that he had been doing it for decades but wondered if he should have deferred to me!  Anyone who knows my journey knows how surprising that is.

I also got to have some indepth conversations with parishioners.  It was a real joy to sit and talk and enter someone else's personal place like that.

Of course I'm suspicious.  Things in Toronto plod along at their confusing rate.  I'm wondering if God granted me this affirmation not to push me further but to get it out of my system so he can prepare me for whatever it is that I will be doing.  This way I won't look back and wonder if I could have done church ministry.  I know that sounds paranoid but there do not seem to be too many doors open here.

I miss the place and have come to be very disenchanted with Toronto.  Its big and impersonal and very hard to do ministry in.    C is still looking for a job - though he has another interview on Monday. 

Acer Rant - Chapter 4

I am now forwarded to a higher supervisor.  I know I have hit the big time because he has a distinct American accent and is named Chris.  He notes that I am not happy to wait for the fix for the computer.  He is puzzled by this.  After all this is what happens when they need to send software in the mail.

I suggest to Chris that at this point the issue is that the computer is not functioning as it should.  The original idea that this is somehow normal is obviously incorrect.  Why should I wait for a fix when a replacement computer is obviously the preferred method.  Chris is not sorry.  Chris doesn't even pretend to be sorry.  He is adamant - the only thing that can be done is for me to wait for the software to arrive.   I point out that this is ridiculous way to treat customers. Customers do not want to buy a brand of computer that may or may not work when you take it out of the box.  Chris obviously doesn't care.  He says "well you can always go back to the reseller and see what they will do".  I tell him that the product is defective and that Acer should be replacing it.  Chris says "we are not supposed to say this, but I wonder why you just don't go back to the reseller".   I tell him I have just lost an hour of my life starting with the voice mail system trying to get this resolved and it is their problem not the reseller.  Now I'm not sure if he was suggesting that the machine was stolen or something?  Anyhow, I told him that buying a new computer and not having it work and then going through all these levels to get it fixed is ridiculous but if that is the best Acer can do then I have no choice but to take it up with the reseller. 

Here's the thing - if all I needed to do was take it back to the reseller why wasn't that offered in the beginning - rather than going through the warranty?  What's the point of all that intervention if it is the seller's problem?

Best Buy has told me that I can take it back to the store (even though I bought if off the web) and return it or replace it.  I'm afraid of what will happen if I get the run around when I get in there.  C will have to go.

I'll let you know...

Acer Rant Chapter 3

I get forwarded to the Supervisor.  This is my third person to handle my request.  He is "so sorry" for the problems he can imagine that this is disappointing.  He notes that I am not willing to wait the 5 to 10 days for the disk which will fix the problem.

I explain to him that it is ridiculous that I'm sitting in a city where ACER products are sold but that I'm to wait 5 to 10 days for a disk to fix the problem.  I point out that I do not live in the middle of the Arctic - surely there is a quicker way to get his computer fixed. I note that it would not be good PR for me to go around telling people that in 10 business days I may have fix on a brand new Acer.   I suggest that since I bought a new computer that does not work that it should simply be exchanged for a new one with the old one going back to the factory.   Oh yes, he could see how that would be helpful.  But he cannot expediate the fix for the computer.  It would have to go to his supervisor.  I want to ask him how many circles of Hell exist in that call centre but hold my tongue.

I notice that his accent is not as heavy as the first two front line staff.....

I have also noticed

Acer Rant Chapter 2

I get a very nice man overseas who quickly tells me his ID number.  I explain the problem and he is "so very sorry".  He has me do some things - which promptly takes me back to the same process that the computer got hung up on every other time I turned it on.  I tell him that this looks like the same screen - he assures me that it will work now - just to let it run.  Thanks for calling!
You know that the screen got hung up in the exact same place.

I'm now mad not just at the computer but customer service.  I call back.  Voice service  recognizes my phone number and quickly asks me if I am calling about the same problem.  I angrily tell "her" yes.  She then asks me (and I'm not making this up) if I would like to buy an extended warranty.  I assure it I do not.

I now get a woman who is "so very sorry" that things aren't working out.  She will help me. She notes that the fix the other gentlemen gave me didn't work but she will see what can be done.  She takes me through another process which takes me back to the same file that keeps stalling the process.

I ask her if this normal - to go into eRecovery.  She assures me that it is.  I reiterate.  I ask her very clearly if she is saying that when I buy an Acer computer and plug it in it is supposed to go into eRecovery.  She admits that no - they aren't supposed to do that but it is okay.  I tell her that we are back at the same screen I have had since I started trying to use the machine.  She assures me that it will take 40 minutes for the install to finish.

I suggest to her that 40 minutes for a computer to load one file is evidence of a problem and that she can't seriously expect me to accept that.  I then tell her that I had already let the computer sit for an hour on this screen and nothing happened.  She is "so sorry" she can see how this would be frustrating.  She is going to check with her supervisor.

The fix is this - they will send me a start up disk that will fix the problem.  It will take 5-10 days.  She sounds cheery.  I realize that in her world this probably sounds pretty good.  I am really annoyed that Acer has outsourced their customer service to people who have to hand out BS like this all day to snooty Americans - me included.  But I say it anyway - "5 to 10 business days is not acceptable - put me through to your supervisor".  Oh.  She will need to register me to do that - I explain that I have already registered on line.  Oh, that's a different file - she needs my info.  It gets better...

Acer Rant Chapter 1

I know that I have been remiss in writing on my blog!  But now I have something I need to write down so I have it recorded and I may as well share it here....

My IBM Thinkpad is pooching out.  No worries we bought a used replacement.  Didn't realize that the company that we had relied on for so long was actuallyclosing a week or so after we bought it.  They unloaded a Dell on us thta did not have enough memory.  I   I was ready to scrap it if memory would cost to much but C went ahead.  Well the computer worked like a dream with the new memory - though the overall design is pretty cheap compared to the Thinkpad.

Well - it just pooched out less than a week later.  The hard drive has crashed and I don't think there is any point in even doing more diagnostics then what I have done.  So we are going to try to at least recover the price of the memory from the tech - we have given him enough business in the past.  In the meantime I see an ACER netbook on sale at Best Buy online.

Now I usually walk away from these deals because I figure they are loss leaders - they won't have any and they will try to upsell me.  But it looked like a good deal and I checked around the Internet and the overall feedback was generally good.  We need easy access to email and Internet and something to take notes on.  Then we can reinvest in getting the old desktop up to snuff.

It comes today and C plugs it in.

It automatically goes into something called eRecovery.  This doesn't make sense to me but I'm not too up on these things.  An hour later it is stuck on a file and not doing anything.  I reboot - same thing again.

I go online on the rickety desktop and manage to register the netbook so I can call customer service and see what is up.  You know where this is going -

The customer service voice mail is infuriating.  "She" keeps asking me for a Serial Number that is located on the "label".  I keep giving it to her but she doesn't like it.  Its only supposed to be 11 numbers and mine is much longer.  I repeat "Operator" in varying tones of anger but "she" refuses.  She will not let me talk to an operator as there is a charge to speak to customer service if I do not have a SN.  I can call the other 1-800 line and speak to a service representative for a fee.  Yah, right.  I call her a bitch - pissed that I'm calling a computer anything and hang up.

After taking the battery out of the netbook I find a SNID number which I can also use.  I call "her" back.  She recognizes my phone number and does away with the small talk except to ask me for the SN/SNID.  Finally!  I am put through to a customer service agent.

Entertaining the Pastor

I had a parishoner come by and offer to take me to Timmies.  Now I had done a challenging sermon where I gave everyone a piece of paper with decisions that come out of a tough parable with the offer to meet with me at Timmies to chat about faith and questions and what not.

Not being experienced in drawing people out I floundered a bit but determined that other than one specific discussion there really wasn't anything that created this visit - until she mentioned that she had been to the elders and they suggested she visit me.  I don't get the impression it was for her benefit but for mine!!  There seems to be a concern that I'm alone and because of a medical issue the head elder and his wife have been busy and also it is haying season.  I've never thought of a pastor as particularly requiring care so its nice but so unneeded.  Especially when I had put all of my clothes on the line so had to to go Timmies in my track pants and a light sweater - its all I had left that wasn't wet!

I saw a bear!

I saw a bear on the road back from Timmins.  I didn't get close enough to investigate.  There was a truck on other side of the road pulled over and I glanced over to see if they were okay and I saw a little bear just coming out of the ditch next to the truck.  At first I thought maybe he was hit but I think maybe he was just wandering.  I don't know much about bears - I know he was not a cub but maybe a year old?  I wanted to turn around and go look but I figured its not good to disturb them and all kinds of traffic pulling over probably desensitizes them to people and cars.  Besides I wasn't too thrilled about him have stretch up against my little Aveo.  I probably have the tiniest car in town - there are a few back roads that I wouldn't want to tackle after a big rain!

The Groups in Town

After hearing someone in Tim's mentioned "the farmers" with a bit of a scowl in his voice I realized that there are more groups here then I first imagined.

The three obvious ones:  First Nations, French, English.  The French go to French school so you won't likely run into them because of course so many things we do are related to school.  But even there, there is a break out of French Roman Catholic and French.  The Roman Catholic also have their own school.  First Nations seem to exist on their own in some unclear way.  I have a feeling its a larger symptom of Canada.  They are hear but I really don't know much about them and I certainly can see a difference in culture that makes others irritable.

But now I have to add the farmers.  Of course they know each other through their agricultural connections.  But then there are two that I know of  The Christian Farmers Association and the mainstream Ontario Farmers Association.   I didn't realize how different the farmers are until I noticed that our church holds its nursing home service at 2:30 when it is our turn while the rest of the churches hold it I think at 6:00.  We can't hold it at six because of milking.  So again there is something that separates our church from the other non-farmer led churches.  I don't think other churches know why we insist on holding it so early and the last time we went the nursing home didn' know we were coming.  I wonder if people think we are being difficult by marching to our own tune!

Its a wonder any of us talk to each other at all! 

Life in the really slow lane.

Each day I think "what will I do today?"   I can go to the library to study or do it at home. Or go to the lake for a swim.  Or grab a freshly baked doughnut at the local bakery.  Gee, I can even do it all!

Went swimming the other day in our lake.  I couldn't stand the heat one more minute and putting all self consciousness aside decided it was time to take advantage of the opportunity.  The lake was a bit cold but delicious.  I just paddled around for about half an hour and I ended up feeling cooled off for a few hours.  Now I know why people say "Go soak your head!".

Really interesting at the beach.  Lots of teens.  A few parents with toddlers and a few adults.  I'm not sure where the 20 something set is - I don't think there are any.  If there are they are never where I am.  Tim Horton's seems to be the place for the over 50 crowd.  The local brunch place seems to attract the 30 - 40 group.  How you get all of these people into one event beats me!

Polar Bear Rocks!

I found a local radio station.  Very local.  The music is a bit eclectic - old time country, new country, light rock.  I laughed all morning at the song they played - look at the lyrics:

Constellations – Felicia Lyrics


With her cigarette lips and soldier tits
yeah, they stand at attention with her hands on her hips…
shes got a crocodile smile and switchblade style
yeah, she’ll stab you in the back with her fingernail file..
stays cool as you come so uncomfortably numb
as you drop to the floor with the flick of her tongue..
shes got her hand on the wheel and one on the stick
yeah she’ll put you in gear with the twitch of her neck…
oh Felicia babe i think i really really need ya
So sexy when you’re working on your knees girl......

Now it is actually a very catchy tune - but I'm not convinced that the person who picked it intended it for the morning show.  Especially since the other tunes were early country - we're talking low production values.  This tune was followed by a very old version, probably original of  "Please Release Me, Let Me Go"   I later saw the irony in that and laughed harder.   I believe in  "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." 
 
The other song was "Put My Little Shoes Away" by Hank Snow - lovely tune about a dying child.  I didn't even stay to drink my coffee in Tim Hortons - grabbed my coffee and went down to the lake to listen.  I also love the local advertising.  Hey you can listen to it online:  http://www.cpbrfm.com/
 

Glories of Clotheslines!

First off, let me say that 6.99 for a bag of clothespins is ridiculous!  I was looking for clothespins because they have just replaced the washing machine at the parsonage and I am thrilled because now I can wash my clothes at home and hang them to dry.  I haven't used a clothesline for probably 25 years - and then only when my Mom was doing the wash.

I have always but my private wear with the assumption that only my husband would see it - not that there is anything spicy to see - but rather that odd colours, polka dots and stripes that cheer me up look a little clownish.  I figure ER staff have seen it all so didn't worry about that possibility.  Its a funny contrast - blue and black and grey clothes with these bright undies flapping in the breeze!

Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig Are Different People

I just remembered as I was watching Bugs Bunny. Bugs is one of my favourite characters – as a child I was fascinated by how smart he was. I now understand this to be wit and cleverness.

I was watching Elmer Fudd the day before and Porky Pig today and I suddenly remembered (I figured this out once before sadly) that they are completely different characters. For crying out loud they are not both pigs even. For some reason as a child I think I thought that Porky Pig was the hunter Elmer Fudd when he wore clothes. This is why I can never be put in a police line up. I’m lousy with faces and names. Can you see the resemblance? They are both short, pink and have a problem with speech. That’s close enough for me.

Now you know why I can't keep anyone's name straight!

Ministerial Meeting

It was great – there was a BBQ for the ministerial group (the pastors in the area who meet) so I got to meet them for the first time “off duty”. It was really interesting – over half are women. Well, that’s not completely true – there is a priest who didn’t come and a pastor who won’t join in because he does not belief in women in office. Its too bad because I’m sure he could do with a place to pray and such.




It was fascinating trying to guess the denomination by the person. I was really off on one or two. Everyone’s about my age or a bit older which is a nice switch too.



They meet every Thursday for prayer. Every Thursday. I was surprised – in Toronto they tend to meet once a month. And they are offering food for sale for Canada Day for the assistance program (diaconal money for those of you who understand the lingo). I was really impressed to see pastors doing this administrative work. They are super busy just like in the city but are busy with more direct contact things.



Some were more friendly then others – I think there may be one or two who aren’t sure what exactly my role is. I’m not a pastor but in a pastor’s position since the church doesn’t have one.

Perils of a Vanity Plate

I’m actually having to adjust my driving here. When I get to a stop sign I feel like I need to go right NOW! But others slowly pull away from the stop. And when I’m waiting to turn into traffic I get that nervous feeling that someone is going to honk and try to push me through the intersection – yet others wait until the its perfectly clear before they turn. So I have to slow it down. Its actually a bit harder to drive here – there are four way stops everywhere and lots of “busy” streets. I have gotten used to traffic lights in the city that tell me when its my turn – you don’t actually have to do a lot of concentrating. Here there are tons of kids on bikes, pedestrians and stop sign after stop sign. Its also embarrassing that I am still getting lost. There are a few places I have gone where I’m sure no one would ever drive – its just a sign that you don’t know what the heck you are doing. Soon enough people will recognize the plate and have me labeled as some control freak driver with lousy direction.

Interestingly I have noticed that some drivers wait for the other cars to stop at a four way intersection rather than proceeding. I got in trouble for this in Toronto – the instructor couldn’t understand why I was waiting for the other car to stop when I clearly had the right of way – I guess it’s a country thing because I’m sure we did that in Nova Scotia too!

Country Standards Or....

I saw something today I didn’t think I would ever see again. Not since my youth. A young girl, very pregnant smoking a cigarette. I’m usually not a health fanatic but I couldn’t stop thinking about what that must be doing to the baby. I would be too embarrassed to do it at the library entrance – geez, at least go sneak off and have it out of sight for my own conscience!

Country Standards Or....

I saw something today I didn’t think I would ever see again. Not since my youth. A young girl, very pregnant smoking a cigarette. I’m usually not a health fanatic but I couldn’t stop thinking about what that must be doing to the baby. I would be too embarrassed to do it at the library entrance – geez, at least go sneak off and have it out of sight for my own conscience!

Dark Days in Monkey City

Dark Days in Monkey City




Yup, I lost a husband but gained Bell TV. I can now see crap in two official languages and news from 4 cities. If that doesn’t satisfy I can watch shows with names like “Dark Days in Monkey City”. I was curious enough to look at it. The narrator has a bit of a Brit accent and adds excitement to the show by exaggerating the narrating. Look Out – There’s a Python!!! Dark Days indeed.



I didn’t have the heart to watch “I Didn’t Even Know I was Pregnant”.

Neighbourhood

Neighbourhood




Its weird how sensitive I am to surroundings. I felt a bit uncomfortable here the first few days because the neighbourhood is such a mixture of house styles and economics. I’m used to the military bases where there are basic housing types and they are clustered together. Golden Row for instance was the name of one of the housing areas for senior officers on one of the bases I was on. On another base I remember the housing for Majors and up had huge kitchens. It was assumed you would need them for entertaining.



In the city most areas are homogeneous. Areas are rich or poor, old or new. You get a feel for an area – perhaps in a stereotypical way. Here there is a gorgeous house with a new front porch next to an old house that seems to be on its last legs. Yet the town is laid our in N-S, E-W with each lot the same side. There are a few buildings which are obviously public housing (why can’t we put a bit more money into them so they don’t scream out that people need help?).



The manse (parsonage) tells a story too. The garage has seen better days and the neat stone work on the front is coming out in places. But the windows are new and there is a semi garden planted – perennials. It says the essentials are there but there is not enough money or care to put into the niceties.



I love the picture window – there are 3 lots on the two streets across from me that are empty. I can see people coming and going to the store and other places. Its actually quite a busy place. I’m getting to be a snoop!

I'm Here

Saturday, June 12th 9:47 a.m.



I made it here in one piece. Cliff is dead to the world – it was a long drive and I was sick of it before we even got to North Bay. I think it was the heat and the sun that put me off. That and getting to bed late and packing became a bit of throwing stuff into boxes and bags and some of it loose into the trunk!



Once we hit North Bay I was considerably improved and now that I have finished my sermon for tomorrow I’m feeling a bit more stable. Now to find a printer somewhere! I wonder how they feel about a laptop on the pulpit? I have a feeling I know. And I need to find email to email out the liturgy. One option is the local arena – it has WiFi – I’m hoping I can just do it from my car.



I was incredibly nervous and out of sorts yesterday but I feel better today. I hear there is a potluck tomorrow to welcome me. How weird. I’m used to going to them to welcome other people but never for myself.

Small Town Secrets

Everyone wants to know if I am visiting the star attraction when I get to my country home. The polar bears. Everyone has heard about the great polar bears and the exhibit in which you can swim with the polar bears!

I knew that I would have no problems adjusting my natural sense of humour for my roommate when we discussed this local attraction.

As she said: "If you want to go visit an old polar bear with no teeth its great. He's so old they have to prop his mouth open and use a pole to shove the watermelon in".

I have no idea if anyone else in town is selling out this secret. The town is filled with little polar bear souvenirs - statues, t-shirts erasers. She is also from away so perhaps that is why she feel free to share the secret of the money making decrepit polar bear.

I have also been warned that every town in the area claims Tim Horton as their son. Thankfully I was not too excited about the link so I'm not disappointed.

In 8 weeks time I expect I will know many secrets that can't be repeated here! I just hope that a few of them are as funny as the polar bear!

No! No! Not Magic!

You may know that I have a thing about clowns. Can't stand them and frankly I'm a little afraid of them. Mimes too. Add to the list magic. Can't stand magic shows. Mostly because I know its fake so what's the point? Not only is it fake it is something that is learned - the best magic is a new trick that no one has ever thought of and then once its been performed its old news. I also can't stand the gets up and the theatrics. Doug Henning - say no more.

So while perusing Ship of Fools website I was startled to see a "magic" bible that produces fire when you open it. I traced it to a magic site that has all kinds of Gospel magic for witnessing. Silk scarves, rope tricks - books on how to tell the Gospel with any items the audience has on hand. Yuck. My favourite - 3 card monte -with 2 cards with Christ's face and one of a 100 dollar bill - the trick is to choose money but of course the value is in choosing Christ. Yuck!

Whether it is my healthy secular glasses or my postmodern mind I can't help but think how very wrong it is to use tricks to sell Jesus. There is already a suspiscion that witnessing is a trick to take money or common sense away from non-Christians so why mix the two? I feel a rant coming on...sort of like my feeling about fake greenery and flowers near the pulpit....

Surprise Birthday

What a surprise I got yesterday - a friend had called me up to go for fish and chips and I was looking forward to seeing her all week. When we got close by we parked and walked in a totally different direction as she told me we were going to another friend's condo to have a party in the back garden.

Lovely! A good friend from Simcoe was able to join the group and it was truly a surprise a my birthday is still a few weeks away. But I will be away then. My wonderful husband planned the whole thing in a week over the email!

Not only was their great food and friends I got a box of donations to get me settled up north. Bath stuff, office supplies, pictures of friends and snacks! To top it off the lilac bushes were in full bloom making the garden complete.

I truly am blessed and will miss everyone terribly!

One thing was left out....

It seemed simple enough - drive for 9 hours to a town, stay a few nights, meet the consistory, preach a sermon.

After lunch I was shown one of the bulletins with the liturgy laid out. It looked pretty traditional - a little more traditional then I expected from this "informal church". I had the sermon almost ready - I had the details but was struggling to get it to flow just right. But I had time after lunch to take a nap and get it working for the next day. Then the organist said "I'll just need the hymn numbers from you".

What on earth was she talking about - I wasn't asked to pick hymns. I casually asked - "Oh, does the pastor generally pick the hymns?". Then I casually asked for the hymnal and felt completed overwhelmed trying to even think of a hymn as I looked at the layout - one for opening worship, response to confession, response t sermon...Oh My! I need five of 'em.

As casually as I could, I asked - does the pastor write out the liturgy. "Oh, yes".

I figure out the hymns, write them down and get going. I figure out what I need to phone into the person who actual types up the liturgy and spend more time figuring out the prayers and such for the service.

I love writing the whole service - I just like to know before hand. I assure the typist that in the future she will have all work in to her on Thursdays.

I'm relieved that I have proven I can do this!

New Preacher in Town

Phew, its been a whirlwind. A few weeks ago someone was kind enough to forward an email to me of a church looking for a student pastor for the summer in my denomination. An email to a relative, a phone call from the elder's wife, and a quick 9 hour trip to preach a sermon and suddenly I'm the student pastor for at least 7 weeks. They would love me to stay longer - I'm just not sure I can do more than that without going crazy.

June 13th is my first sermon of the summer. I have a ton to do - I need to find some commentaries I can borrow to fill out the few that I have, figure out what other books/resources I should take and get some stuff in Toronto cleaned up before I go.

So far preaching and leading worship seems like the top duty - I have offered to do pastoral care and to network with other churches and to leave the door open for anything that they would want done that I can do in the summer.

Its a huge change - sharing a home with another person (I've never had a roommate), living in a fishbowl and leading a church. Not to mention that I may need to rely on the library and the local arena for my internet - the arena has wireless capability. The internet will be essential for C and I to keep in contact - I think we have only ever been apart for a few weeks.

I already have plans in the works to visit a farm one of the parishioners owns. I've seen farms and I've smelled farms but never actually been on one.

So I guess there will be lots to blog about.

Enough bitching!!

I'm working on my Hebrew - well I'm supposed to be and was listening to the Pirate Radio while doing so. They were giving rewards for the three worst Easter sermons this year. I only heard the third - yes it was pretty bad. They kept saying "this is why you don't let young men preach". The one that I heard was the best of the two - I can't image the other two. These are small churches who can't afford a preacher - these are big churches. But while I'm listening I appreciate the snide comments on one hand but realize that this is really a guilty pleasure. And its really not feeling like a pleasure because I know its really not right. Now I've done my share of bitching lately about bad preaching. And I really have a low tolerance for poor worship planning. But I don't want to end up being so snarky about it either. I think part of my frustration is this place I'm in where I get validation when I preach but I certainly don't have any denominational support to move ahead to ordination. I feel that each time I preach in a new place I have to "prove" something which annoys me because it can get in the way of my preparation if I let it.

So on Easter Sunday I preached what I knew they need to hear and balanced it with the easy, joyful message they expected and wanted. Easter to me isn't as simple as preaching He is Arisen! Because its only part of the story - without Pentecost his arising is a great thing for us to marvel about - but we are really only spectators with a great role model and lots of teaching to try to follow. With the Holy Spirit we are new people! Its always hard to know - do you preach to those who know their faith inside and out - who have great expectations of what they would like to hear or do you preach to the ones that come to church but haven't figured it all out? The more I meet with churched people the more I find that haven't found the true joy - they know that it is a joyful day because they have been told - but that joy has been elusive and they have been settling for what others seem to have. I'm glad I did what I thought was needed rather than what was wanted. If my style and discernment is not suitable then it is best they find someone else.

It seemed appreciated - some people who have grown up in Christian homes liked the new perspective on why Easter can be so important to one group and totally ignored (well except for chocolate bunnies and egg hunts) by the rest.

I have not idea who I will ever preach with full time. Maybe it is ultimately not in God's plan.

A little Saturday drive....

When my church announced that it was time to plan for our yearly picnic I was excited - finally we are going to get out into the community we were envisioned to serve. I wondered how we would do this given our tight budget and was already thinking of cheap ways of making the day extra fun. People were going to get back about where exactly this picnic would take place. I pictured this:



I imagined that we might be a fun crowd that made others in the park feel welcome to join us and the kids in soccer and hot dogs.

The first suggestion for a place came the next week. Darrien Lake. I had to think about this - I know about the one in the States but is there a little lake in Toronto? Apparently not as it was discussed that going to the States would be hard for people without passports. Passports?! For a picnic? Then it was discussed that we would go to Marineland. Prices are from 32 for youngsters and 39 for teens and adults (minus 5 bucks each for group rate). How we are going to get there I'm not sure. Who is paying I'm not sure - especially since the church was originally understood to be affiliated with a low income neighbourhood. Are we inviting people from the neighbourhood? I'm not sure. I have a thousand questions!

Oh My! A REAL Christian Station

A Christian radio station that refuses to play pop Christian tunes. This is not a station for those unfamiliar with faith!

Anyhow can you see in the picture below see the little praying skeleton in the upper left hand screen? Very cute....read on for their self description.




Pirate Christian Radio is an online radio station that is free from the scurvy plagues of pop-psychology, goofy fads, self-help, pietism, purpose-drivenism, the prosperity heresy, contemplative mysticism, seeker-sensitivism, liberalism, relevantism, Emergent nonsense, and the sissy girly Oprah-fied religiosity that is being passed off as "Biblical Christianity"..

This station proclaims "Christ crucified for our sins" and exalts and defends THE historic Christian faith.

If you're looking for "Biblical Principles" that will improve your financial situation, help you raise happier children or have a more fulfilling sex life then you're NOT going to like Pirate Christian Radio.

But, if you are looking for Christian programming that is truly Christ Centered and proclaims the good news of Christ's death and resurrection for your sins, then you will find Pirate Christian Radio to be a refreshing stream of living water that quenches the thirst of your soul.

Good Friday - two services

We went to two services. One at our new church and another at our old church to keep up with our friends.

The first service was a bit annoying because they moved the time forward a full hour and a half. If you weren't there the day they announced it you wouldn't likely know. One of the worship singers didn't know so showed up an hour late.

The service itself was wonderful - there was lots of time for reflection and contemplation and it moved very slowly. Some of the elements like announcements and passing the peace (which normally takes 10 minutes as we all greet every person and chat) were removed so we could be quiet. Some parts were annoying - like the Powerpoint which was out of order again with some lyrics missing. There is a beautiful song with one lyric "Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom". It reflects the robber on the cross that says this at the crucifixion. It is an incredible statement of faith and the answer from Christ is that they will both be in paradise before the day ends. It is one of the shortest confessions of sin with an understood response. Its sung over and over again the, rising and falling. But the person leading missed the lyric and sang "Jesus remember me when I come into your kingdom" Because it wasn't on the Powerpoint almost all people sang it that way. Its a small thing but these things bother me - I'm picky that way. Now if we were a church that did tons of other things in addition to worship I would be less picky. But worship is the key thing that we spend our time on.

Now to contrast the afternoon service was technically excellent. There was a violinist and they brought in a solo vocalist. We knew that the church's worship is a little higher brow then we like but we thought we were prepared for it. There were two beautiful songs that are based on black spirituals. You can imagine them being sung in the fields. One of them sings about how Christ never said a word against his accusers while being crucified. I can imagine the context of singing this as a slave with no voice - no authority over their own lives. Its a strong image. It was a corporate song - you sang it as a group. But when you take the song and have a soloist perform it it becomes another experience. By the time we had been there an hour it felt like a performance. C admitted that 20 minutes in he was finished. It bothers me because I like to believe that I can worship anywhere in any way. There were moments for me when I connected but I just don't get anything out of watching someone sing. It made me wonder how many people are totally disconnected and bored when I preach (or when anyone preaches for that matter). How do I learn how to worship in any situation?

After all is said and done I found that I had connected with the morning service so well - despite the hiccups. And I also remember my friends who have little choice in where they worship or the style they see. We are spoiled that we can be so picky!

Christ is Dead!

A rather shocking title don't you think. In some traditions Christians on Easter Sunday will greet each other with "Christ is risen!!" with the response "He has risen indeed!". It makes sense that the first thing you would say to another is this amazing fact - how could anything else come into your mind?

But on Good Friday we recognize Christ's death but we don't shout about it. But maybe we should. If Christ didn't die then he didn't arise - and if he didn't rise from the dead then we are in a lot of hot water. God would be pretty angry with us for following Jesus if in fact he wasn't the Messiah. And considering what we have done in Christ's name - which is shameful enough - we would truly be cursed.

I couldn't stand it when people on the bus or the subway would sit next to me and say "Jesus loves you". I wonder how I would have felt if people on the Saturday after Good Friday sat down and said "Christ is dead" with a big grin on their face. That's the thing. I would be just as uncomfortable with that statement! Its not that non-Christians have a problem with "Jesus loves you" so much as they have a problem with anyone coming and pushing their viewpoint on them while travelling somewhere. It's like "Do you have life insurance?", "Abortion kills" or "Do you have the time?". The last one is directed at Torontonians - the first reaction is wide eyed fear until they hear that all they are being asked to do is look at their watch!

Which reminds me. After moving here my brother and I were walking with my father down Yonge Street near Dundas. This women walks out of a doorway and asks by brother for the time. He stops to answer and my father grabs him and says "He's only fifteen!". He was laughing as he told us that she didn't want the time but his time! I'm still not convinced she was a hooker. My brother is good looking but he didn't have the look of having a dime!

The Answer is Moops!

In a great Seinfeld episode there is an argument as the answer for a Trivial Pursuit question is supposed to be "Moors" but reads "Moops". George, being George, refuses to accept the correct answer.

Can you imagine playing Trivial P. with someone who remembers that she was cheated by her family of a correct answer over 20 years ago! That would be my mother who insists that in answering the question what does SNAFU stand for insisted that it was "Situation Normal, All Fouled Up". Well the answer didn't use the polite "fouled" and she insisted that this was the correct version of the term. Being a military brat I had heard this term used many times with the proper f word. I would have credited it to her if she simply didn't want to use the rude word - but she insisted the game makers were wrong.

I had forgotten about this until tonight - when she again argued that "thousands of her friends" know that it is "fouled up". Apparently everyone growing up in the 50's knows this.

There are reasons why I don't go for games of intelligence with my mother. She can't stand being wrong or worse being wrong when someone else is right!

See Your Child Speak Hebrew!

Hebrew Sessions for All Ages- See your child speak Hebrew! (Toronto)

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Date: 2010-03-15, 8:25AM EDT
Reply to: comm-qa4je-1644702850@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Going to Israel? Come to me for Conversational HEBREW Lessons

Hmm, perhaps Hebrew sign language!

Preaching on Easter

Funny, non-ordained people don't normally get to preach on Easter but this year I've gotten the (last minute) offer. All the other "real" pastors are busy so I'm up. I'm happy to get an opportunity. I have a feeling I know the topic already! When you think about it maybe the less experienced should get the obvious dates - Christmas, Easter, Good Friday.

Dead Squirrel Lamp

Friday, March 12, 2010

Dead Weight

Come be dead weight.

Looking for a 300lbs+ patient actor

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We're developing new tools to help nurses in lifting a moving patients. We want your input on some new mechanical lifting devices designed for lifting/transfering heavier people. Your role would be to act as an unconscious patient in a bed while you are lifted our of a bed into a wheelchair using a mechanical lift device and to tell us how comfortable you find the process. The session should take about 2 hours and we can pay you $25/hour.

I've been looking for some part time hours on Craigslist. Unfortunately I'm not heavy enough for this one. I wonder how many people applied? What kind of release do you have to sign - I'm not sure I want to be the guinea pig for testing out this equipment. And do you have to be an actor who is patient? 50 bucks is still 50 bucks though!

God Has a Sense of Humour??

I was bemoaning the fact yesterday that I have been unable to find a church that wants to take me on in a serious way as an intern. I offer my time and my talents but churches seem to be stuck that they can't figure out what to do with this.

At first I was taking it personally. But now I realise it is some sort of church thing. Its like apathy i guess. They are in a certain place and to make use of free work requires visioning and decision making.

Even at the church I am at now where we can only afford a pastor to come for one week a month there is a lack of movement. There was excitement when we moved our membership but really we have not seen any opportunities to serve and the bare minimum is barely getting done.

Yesterday I went to the ordination of someone I know who has been waiting for over 20 years for this day. It was very exciting! When I got home there was a message from a pastor who had seen my resume and wanted to chat. It was late so I didn't get a hold of him but checked out his church on the web.

Oh My! He is looking for three positions: Associate Pastor, Worship Director and Administrative Assistant. I have a feeling he is not offering me either of the first two. The list of job duties is very long. It is a Pentecostal church which requires evidence of tongues which I don't have. Also the only Scripture quoted is 1 Cor which talks about appropriate dress. Basically if you dress "too flashy or sexually" you will be fired.

Its a one man show. There is worship and Bible studies in homes. So its basically a church plant. After looking at all of the requirements and duties there is no way I could take the Associate position in good faith even if it were offered - things like plan 3 mission trips a year - one in Toronto, one in Ajax and one outside of the country. Very high expectations for a very short time period. Here is the joke part - you get a quarterly review within the first six months (I had to have C explain what on earth that meant) at which point you are assessed and a salary will be discussed - if the church has grown large enough. So all three positions have this stipulation - we'll pay you once we get enough people. Did I mention that one of the requirements is that you must tithe to the church?

I went from feeling really excited to wondering what God thinks? Is this a sense of humour that there are things worse then not having somewhere to serve? Or is this just pointing out that there are places to serve but I'm not willing to go? Honestly, I could plant a church with lower expectations with a better chance of success. You just can't call people up randomly from a resume site and build a team. Especially 3 positions at once.

Anyhow, I'll let you know what happens next!!

Religion vs Jesus

I love this bumpersticker that says: "I love Jesus, its just his fanclub I can't stand".

A friend sent me a link to a pastor who wrote about the difference between religion and following Christ. I agreed with a lot of what the pastor had to say and have often said the same things. What really struck me were the comments he received back. People who were grateful that he had the courage to speak up. People who had been so well versed in what it meant to be a good church member that they missed the bigger point. I almost cried when I read these - I'm not an emotional person except when it comes to those who are in church but just haven't gotten the big picture yet. What really amazed me was that the way I see things seems to be unique - people seem genuinely moved by what this pastor wrote and yet I would hope that there are people in every church who "get" the big picture and recognize that the human church is a place of broken people.

I used to think that it was a curse that I was not raised in a church going family. They seemed to understand God and spirituality and everything to me seemed to be a big question. Nothing made sense of God. He sends a son to die like a criminal at our hands and somehow this solves everything? What on earth does this even mean? People told me you need to be a Christian to understand and I was angry that I had this block - that God for whatever reason refused to let me understand this thing that everyone said was so easy. I guess this journey brought me to a place of quiet understanding. I didn't go the regular route and now I can see things differently

So now I have a love for these people - especially the ones that argue about the colour of the carpet for the sanctuary. Because they are so in need of Christ's vision of church. Which starts with them - that they are loved and that the power to choose the colour of the carpet is selling what God has for them short.

Some people run from these churches. I run towards them. The trick is knowing when I am doing so with the love of Christ or when I am doing so for the rush of small changes when people's perceptions change in tiny ways to see the bigger picture. I'm not sure if this is a good desire or not. It certainly is limited in its great moments - its more that of a prophet who the weak look to for guidance while the powerful disdain. Its not comfortable and at times I have not wanted this "gift". It's a role where I need accountability, a life of prayer and really strong self identity. I'm not there yet!

Relationships - The Thread Theory

In my beginning I was a trusting sort. I wanted everyone to be my friend, to be acceptable to all that came across my path.

As I got older I gave everyone a "mark". Upon meeting someone I assumed they were 100% and then I started deducting points. Not in a real linear fashion but in a sort of gut way. Being perceptive and not wanting to make an effort I could usually pin someone onto the scale within the first few minutes of meeting them. Often I would distrust this first glance and give it a longer time only to arrive back at the original impression months later.

When I turned 30 everything settled into place. I came up with the thread theory. Now before I tell you my theory you need to know that I moved around from place to place every 4 years until I moved to Toronto. By the time I was 30 I had actually managed to keep the same friends for 10 years. So the Thread Theory was really based on learning what to do when you don't automatically lose your friendships at the 4 year mark.

The Thread Theory

Your life is a piece of fabric - a knit fabric like a sweater or a tweed. The people in your life along with everything else is woven together to form that fabric. Now you know that piece of thread that is always just dangling there? That's the thread "friend". That's the person in your life you have to figure out what to do with:

1) they don't fit into your life like the rest

2) depending on where they are in the fabric this does or does not matter - a thread hanging off your sleeve is hard to ignore (and annoying) a thread which is part of a hem is essential, a thread hanging in place that no one sees is not important to your fabric.

3) You have choices as to what to do with the thread:

- cut it off
- take the time to try to put it on a needle and thread it back into the material
- pull it which will either disengage it from the material or make the fabric pucker (you really have to be careful if you are frustrated and take on the "pull" method rather than think about the best course of action
- ignore it - if you can
- the worst option is this one - you have a thread that you can't quite put back into the fabric but that you can't lose either because it will unravel other things - this requires a patch or glue or something - thankfully these are rare and they probably represent family members like ex husbands that you still need around or high maintenance people you would like to let go of can't for some particular reason in your life

When I turned 30 I saw everyone a threads. If you were annoying and dangling at my wrist and really weren't needed in the fabric I just snipped you off. Gone, kapput. Huge relief for me because I could stop feeling guilty that this annoying person who was not getting in line was out of the way. For whatever reason the effort to try to interweave this thread back into the fabric wasn't worth the time. I dropped a few threads - mostly people who I suspected were using up my energy rather than contributing to my life.

I also had other threads that I figured had to be more carefully woven in - for those I tried to make a conscious effort to think about how this could be done. As soon as I noticed a thread I decided - do I cut this one or weave it.

It wasn't until today I thought about those threads that you spend time putting patches on. My father fell into that category. At some point I had the scissors ready because of the dance of trying to communicate with him - not being able to get a hold of him or getting messages picked up. But a father - unless he is toxic - can't be snipped, nor ignored and you can't always force them to be woven back in. All you can do is continually put a patch in place so the thread doesn't go any further to either unravel your life or to go missing altogether.

The Thread Theory made life easy. I could assess you pretty quickly - and I am rarely wrong since I'm the only one that makes the rules! and I could cut you off before I bothered to weave you in. Saves a lot of time.

I had a long drawn out battle with this perception when I became a Christian. Not at first - I knew I was right in all that I thought and my system worked. But with time I was challenged and realized that not only did my pastor challenge me on "writing people off" but that this was distinctly unChrist like. That loving people thing is really easy to ignore and I think many of us do it very well! Well what do I do when I meet you and know that I don't like you?

This is the new stage that has taken 6 or so years to get to. I have learned to try to love everyone. Now the guy from Ontario Energy that called this afternoon will tell you I have a lot to learn. As will the guy behind the pharmacy counter yesterday who had a very stupid rule that prevents me from getting my meds until I can track down my doctor who is away til Monday. These people will tell you that I am not very nice and am essentially the same person as years ago. But in fact there is a transformation in my perception. If I was to meet them in a party my intuition would still kick in and I would know where they fall but the scale used is different. They are always 100% in someone's eyes - I just can't always see it. And my scale isn't good enough to judge anyone because it is flawed by my own flaws. So now I know that there are wonderful people that thankfully someone LIKES as well as loves - even if they are not who I would normally gravitate to. And usually, if I am in good spirits, I listen to learn about what that person has to say rather than wait to see whether they say anything that I would want to claim as my own. Learning to listen is a wonderful skill and part of that love thing Christ talks about because it puts me in the servant position!

Here is where freedom in Christ has helped me. I cannot like every person I meet. I can try to love them with sacrificial love - the kind that takes thinking and action (and sometimes silence) to exhibit and feel. Because I now know (and am actually starting to believe) that my worth is in Christ I can stop worrying about what other people think of my ideas and my thoughts. This is still a work in progress - I really like to be heard and respected. Finally the best thing is that I have learned that I was not put on earth to save anyone. This song has become my own expression of this:

Stabbing Westward - Just Save Yourself

I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as f***d as you
I am just as f***d as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Now I'm not trying to say that I can't not be the hands and feet of Christ - I can. But I cannot truly save anyone. The bit of transformation I have had through the Holy Spirit has been helped by many people along the way. Some helped by being hurtful in truth, others helped by listening and caring. But in the end I cannot take anyone where they need to go. I hope that as a pastor - or one with the heart of a pastor if not all the skills that I can direct, lead, point, listen and hold hands - but I can't save.

Suddenly I am free. Free to let people be who they are lost in their own issues. Yes, there have been people that I know are upset with me. I have seen them get upset with someone else and not speak up to them so this is how they deal with things. I offered to meet and gave my time - but I can't force someone to acknowledge or to own their feelings. Maybe they think terrible things about me but without expressing them I can't solve the issue. I don't ignore it - I stick my hand out but they have to reciprocate.

Now on the other hand there is a balance to this. I have had relationships with people who are just insensitive to someone else's misery. My reaction to their behaviour they reason is my problem. I agree with this on some levels but also recognize that I was powerless at the time to not feel hurt. Christ often took pity on people. I think there is still room for pity for those situations we know we cannot change. Perhaps prayer that I can be sensitive and keep my boundaries and that the other person's unmet needs can be met in some other way.

I actually have far more people I am in contact with now then 10 years ago. I still have the same friends which are really hard to keep up with what with my schooling but I still find room for more acquaintances - people that I am with for a season, meeting or moment.

This has also allowed me to handle toxic relationships a bit better. I define toxic as those relationships that sour your life without sweetening theirs. Whatever their hang up is it does not matter how they deal with you - their situation doesn't change. Think of the person who abuses. They abuse those they love but taking this abuse does not actually help them get better and the victim of the abuse actually promotes the unhealthy behaviour. I cannot save these people. I can pray for patience and good boundaries for myself and for breakthrough for them. But I cannot make them whole - no matter how much I want to. I am just as f***ed as you.

Itchy Feet

I got talked into sticking with Hebrew and with a lot of diligence got through the mid term. I think I passed at any rate. Meanwhile I am feeling the urge to get a job. I'm tired of this bizarre life I have and we could do with the money. C has an interview tomorrow which I pray he will figure out how to handle. Its difficult to explain why someone who is terminated after 20 years is not at fault. This process of clearing his name is taking forever.

So I look at jobs but realize there are few I really want to do - many require some kind of commitment - if its someone's small business for instance. I really just want to be a tiny nameless cog in a great machine. Let me clock in and out with no fuss.

Meanwhile I'm trying to wind down the role I'm in right now. I can't fill 30 hours a month and my skills aren't being used at all. I started doing menial tasks just so I can do something for the money I earn.

Things never seem to be settled!

Is this on the exam!

Did you hear about the Nova Scotia tall ship that went down that is a floating school? The students were stuck in dinghy's waiting for rescue for 40 hours. Apparently they sang Disney songs to keep morale up - hmm, sounds like torture to me!!

What do you suppose children who learn in this unique way are like? I imagine there is a keener asking the whole time they are evacuating "Will this be on the exam?".

C'mon - no one died so I can make a little joke!

I'm so mixed up!

I think I have finally decided to drop Hebrew. I did really well first semester but now I'm stuck. I have a midterm on Monday that I have no time left to study for and I just can't get all these verb paradigms into my head!!

I do get about 40% of my fee back if I drop now. I can't remember if I have ever dropped a course! I am feeling really beat up about it - but I think I did as good as I could. I got a reallygood mark first semester but the prof got behind and we were going at a slower pace. The stupid thing is that other profs teach it in a different way so I will likely have to take first semester all over again.

I should feel relieved but I feel like a failure!

Giving up Nintendo

Since we don't have a tv our Nintendo which used to be up at the cottage is getting quite the work out. My hands are actually starting to hurt. So for Lent it has to go. I'm not sure what will replace it - hopefully studying and such. We only play one game - Dr. Mario - for hours. Its one of the few games where both players can play at the same time.

Getting rid of the tv was supposed to free up some money and time - but I still find ways to waste time - I need to find something productive to do.

Pancake Tuesday

Today is Shrove Tuesday and I'm going to get some pancakes at Golden Griddle. 3.99 on Tuesdays - the cheapest church one is around 5 dollars. Mind you that's for the full deal. But today I don't feel like being around people I know - I'm tired of talking about C's lack of work and job prospects. Its depressing - as soon as they hear he has been terminated the interviewer is never heard from again.

So my brother and husband will scarf them down with strangers. I wonder if in today's world it will be busier? How many people actually bother with Pancake Day. I remember doing this in school - I obviously am showing my age!

Where's Bobo?

Since starting school six years ago I have had my comfort blanket. My wine coloured sweatjacket. Its my thing. Even when the zipper broke I continued wearing it.

But where is it? It went missing last week - I thought maybe I left it at school but I don't see it in the lost and found. That in itself is an adventure. How do people lose winter coats? How do you go home not realizing that you don't have it on? There's tons of stuff just waiting to be picked up. Like a decorative cushion - maybe someone used it for class for their back. Tons of mugs, a few scarfs and quite frankly I didn't want to dig and deeper.

Bobo where are you?!

Poor people are non-Christians

I'm getting tired of the poverty angle the church keeps promoting. Had a sermon "The Rich Young Ruler". C liked it - I really wasn't into it. The pastor presented North Americans as all Rich Young Rulers. Our response to Christ is to give choices to those around us. She brought what she called "heroes" to church as they decided to live in a poorer part of town in order to serve them.

I have heard this before - we are called to serve the poor - lets find poor people and help them out.

This church is in a wealthy part of town. The poorest are those who are students. The majority of the community is not living in poverty. The solution seems to be that we are to find poor people. What I want to know is why aren't there any Christians living in Regent Park? Do all the Christians live in the rich parts of town? If so why don't I see a lot of people on the streets around the church in church? Or are they all busy on Sundays slumming it?

I am not poor. I have never been poor. I did not come to Christ out of my physical poverty - no soup kitchen, food drive or mental health outreach service was ever going to reach me. I was too rich to need these things. Why am I to be taken out of my community that I understand and thrust upon the poor as though I am the answer to the questions I don't even know?

Let's stop treating the poor as an way - an easy way I might add - of sharing Christ. These are people - not projects. Let's assist the Christians and churches in those areas with funds - that is what is needed - churches cannot exist in poor areas because the Christians cannot give enough to pay the rent and salaries of the church workers. I say to all churches - direct a portion of your tithes to a poor church - who can use the money to help the Christians address systemic needs. Ask people for what they need - and respond.

Let's stop assuming that poverty is a non-Christian problem!

how we can be more visible outside our building

This is the question I am asked to grapple with in my job. Our building is huge. Picture a huge stone church with 3 sets of double front doors. Picture a huge rectangle. How can we be more visible? The picture above is Lincoln Church - ours is bigger!

I think the question is how can what we do in the church be more obvious to those outside. But even this doesn't make sense - we would make one hell of an ugly hotel and a rather monolithic funeral home. Perhaps a restaurant - with stained glass windows. I have mistaken some small town funeral homes for restaurants - never to the point of walking in I hasten to add.

I'm not trying to be bitchy but its frustrating to be asked to "advertise" for a building. It's like asking the White House to let people know its there. People know its there - they may or may not care and they may or may not know what goes on inside - and they may or may not want to come in once or ever.

Romantic Meeting

Why is someone with pink eye cluttering up the ER! Victoria, surely you can do better then pink eye - work your way up to mangled hand in machinery or overcome with noxious fumes!

Scarborough General - m4w - 24 (emergency waiting room)

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Date: 2010-01-22, 4:56PM EST

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HI, your names Victoria. We met in the waiting room at Scarborough General. We joked for 20 minutes til the nurse pulled you away. You just found out you were pregnant and you're here all alone from Turkey. Maybe you'd like some company since you have no one here. Im the guy with the red eye lol, you said most girls would run away. Well I can tell you defintaley arent like most girls :) Hopefully somehow you get this!

• Location: emergency waiting room
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1565677738

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Craigslist Gold - Gun and Skeleton Costume

I appreciate that creating a film takes a lot of props - but its hard to imagine how "good" this film is going to be considering they are looking for a skeleton costume - and fake tombstones. This ain't Avatar....

*INDIE FILM NEEDS PROPS!* (Toronto)

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Date: 2010-01-19, 11:07PM EST
Reply to: comm-ut7f5-1561251541@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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We are starting our production on our independent film in the upcoming month but are lacking some essential props.
If you have any of the following and wouldn't mind lending or offering them for rental at a cheap price (as our budget is very limited) we would very much appreciate it.
We are currently needing:

Revolver (classic style)
Skeleton Costume
Anything that would be suitable for a cemetery scene (faux tombstones)

We are also looking for a studio space for some shooting as one of our characters (a painter) is going to be shot painting a canvas in this space. If you have an available space or know someone that may please send us an email.
This is a great film and we would very much appreciate all the support we can get!

Riden

• Location: Toronto
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1561251541