TOAST!

Yum. I have decided on my birthday treat- breakfast out with husband and brother. We go to the same place all the time - eggs, meat, home potatoes, toast, coffee. So as a treat I'm going to do that. I can refuse the juice, get peameal for the bacon and hold the homefries and even use Sweet and Low in my coffee, but I have to have the toast. I always do the same thing - as soon as the food arrives I get the marmalade spread onto my toast to sink in. 9 hours to go!

Bran Crisps - Yum!

This is supposed to be the cracker/bread to answer the dreams of those of us who must have our breads in order to feel full. Because they are actually allowed on this very restrictive stage of my diet, I drove a very far way to get them - 40 minutes north of the city!

At over 3 bucks for 12 pieces they aren't cheap. Now I admit by the day 3 of no bread I broke the pack open on my way back to the city. Dangerous move I won't do again. Since they are 85 percent bran you could say they are a little dry. Look at this from the website:

GG Bran Crispbread stays extra fresh when stored in the freezer, and does not need to be defrosted for use.

The fact that they do not need defrosting tells you just how dry they are when you eat them. Now, I will admit that they are filling and they are a far better solution then grabbing a piece of toast. But to say that I am excited and happy is a bit much. And I have noticed that the recipes using them contain ingredients not allowed in this phase - like strawberries, cottage cheese, cream cheese, cheese, tomatoes ..... I tried sticking a slice of chicken on top but really there is no fooling my brain or my mouth into thinking that these are in any way, shape or form a replacement for a slice of bread. They fill a need. At this point I can actually taste the sugar in the celery so its not like I'm being super critical.

I have been considering my birthday tomorrow trying to decide if I will just stick to my diet or if I will break and allow something. Like one slice of pizza. Or a cupcake. Or a piece of toast with butter and peanut butter. C is likely going to the cottage to open it up - I'm not interested until the snake check is done and the toilets have water in them. Wimp.

Craigslist - no nasty stuff!

Okay, when I'm looking at the free listings - especially for beds (gross) there are thoughts that I have about the possible condition of the bed. This ad gets right to it:

King Sized Bed

Nikken Magnet bed. Helps to heal body pain and re-align energy in the body. Comes with White platform.

No stains, no sex, no nasty stuff.

Yuck. Some things are better left unsaid.

Now What?

I'm feeling much better today. I think I was overwhelmed with too much stuff. And as a bonus I got a message from a friend that I was so disappointed to not hear from so hopefully I will get a hold of them.

But I'm not sure what to do next. I have a paper to finish in the next few days and then another one due at the end of June and a visit from a relative at the end of the month.

The house is a disaster! I really need some solid time to handle it. And I've started this new diet - only on day 2 and I think I will be very cranky by the end. Very low carb, low fat, high protein. Eating extra lean hamburger for breakfast is going to get old really fast. And I am craving a doughnut. Coffee and doughnuts/dessert replaced my after dinner/coffee cigarette so I'm feeling especially tempted in the evening. Its going to be a long two weeks.

So, on the one hand I really need to get a job. On the other, a job in ministry seems especially difficult given that the economy is bad (the one church that seemed interested is having a hard time budget wise) and because I'm not sure what I will use for a reference.

I think I will have to just keep my eyes open and see what happens. Maybe looking in July will be a bit better because the college students probably have a job then and I have more experience then others looking for part time work. I wish I had worked retail at some point in my life. I think short term clerical would be best for now but it sounds like I'm being picky.

Maybe I just sit still and see what unfolds. A quiet summer might be a good idea though I feel guilty to not be doing anything. There seems to be a cycle of "hurry up and wait" mixed with being too busy. I'm starting to question my own perspective of God's presence in all of this. Maybe I have been deluding myself or maybe its time I took care of my health and my home before I commit to anything else!

Funny Lost and Found

From Craigslist, Lost and Found:

"Alright, I lost a copy of Beneath the Wheel somewhere around Spadina on Thursday night. The book was not in great shape and only cost me $4.00 but I was damn near done with it and am wondering what happened. I went to 2 bookstores today and couldnt find it, I don't really feel like digging around a used book store for that specific titles (though that is where I initially got it) probably go to Library soon, (but i lost my library card too and that is a hassle). So if you found this book I would appreciate it if you read the rest of the book and email me a detailed summary of the last half (i was to the point where Hans left Maulbronn). Thanks, "

So Down Today

I don't know why but I just feel really down today.

I think it is the accumulation of the stress of last Monday and the slow realisation that I don't have a clue what to do now. And because I'm starting a horrible diet that I need to do but means no cake on Saturday. I look forward to cake and everything just sucks.

And partly because someone I considered a friend hasn't touched base with me.

Lots of people come in and out of our lives - I used to be an Airforce Brat so I've had friends and lost them - but I have always had a really hard time if I've felt close to someone and they have not given me closure.

I really need to find someone who has the call to ministry who can support me and hold me accountable - not just one or the other!

Professional Words

I was talking to a friend about doing some pulpit supply over the summer. I forget that we often use words that are very familiar in one profession but completely unknown in another.
She thought that I was saying that I would be travelling around selling pulpits to churches over the summer. Logical assumption and I'm open to new ideas :)


Which reminds me of a story from C. In medical circles an "MI" is a myocardial infarct - that is a heart attack. In policing circles an "MI" is an mentally insane/imbalanced person. These terms are used so commonly that they just come out without remembering that they are professional lingo that not everyone knows.
Down at the Coroner's Office a woman came to the front desk who was obviously not mentally well wanting to check to see if she was dead. A person involved with policing went to one of the docs in the office hoping to find someone who could figure out what to do with this woman as she obviously needed help. So he said "Hey, I've got an MI down at the front desk can you help me". The coroner heard - "Hey, I've got a heart attack down at the front desk" as he explained later, "I haven't treated a live patient in ages!"

Are we allowed to thank people?

C reported on an odd event. A moment came where a group of volunteers were leaving and a spokesperson was asked say a word of thanks.

The response to this was:

"when I was first asked to do this, I wondered if we normally do this, do we thank people before they leave?"

Wow, talk about a Protestant work ethic. First, that it would be against tradition to thank volunteers. Secondly, that there wouldn't be a recognition of how much it says about your company if you have to think about whether its okay to thank people and then to not be aware that sharing this thought with the gathering of folks might be as bad as not thanking people at all. Sometimes its better to keep these thoughts to ourselves and be gracious. Was this verbalized in case someone complains that it was wrong to thank the volunteers?

Yup, sign me up. I want to volunteer where even being asked to thank volunteers becomes a well thought out decision.

I don't get it. Gee, I used to thank employees for their work a few times a year usually around Christmas and around Staff Appreciation Day. Sometimes for no reason at all or when they had really pulled together - and yet these were paid employees. I wonder if this is a cultural thing and if anyone else other than C and I think its weird.

Hmm, interesting week.

Thankfully God measures time for us in weeks. We can leave one week behind and imagine a fresh hopefully better week is ahead.

Preached to a near empty church today where I was almost the oldest one in the room. What a greatly different experience - much less formal and much more welcoming the human, relational side of preaching where the younger folks hope that you will share some of your vulnerabilty - what is your journey about? Not prepared for that angle and my presentation was not good - the message was good but maybe not what they needed to hear and like I said my confidence in this new setting wasn't fully there. I like to preach without my notes and I just wasn't at that point today - I'm so much more passionate when I can put away the manuscript.

But I may be asked back. Which is nice thought as now I can say that I have a fuller appreciation for the context of this church and what they are used to.

Incredible worship and one song in particular was so good that I was going to check it out on Google. After talking to the worship leader turns out that his brother wrote it!

But the weirdest time was yesterday. I'm in this preaching group which contains people from my church. I was scheduled to preach to half of the group. The other half has a few elders from my church and I was thankful that I did not have to preach to them given my decision not to return to my church.

As a matter of fact, I would have skipped this last class altogether because I got to bed very late. But from a pastoral point of view I did not want those who were involved in the disasterous meeting of Monday to read anything into my absence as if I am bitter or snubbing them.

I'm met in the parking lot by the leader who wants to know if I would be willing to share my sermon with the whole group as the 2nd group has a change of plans and could sit in. My first reaction is to refuse. I explained that there was a conflict. Especially considering that the sermon to be preached was the same one that has caused so much problems back in December. I had no idea that anyone who was aware of this issue would be there - I had been promised the freedom to preach without the burden of having these people ready to critique. A little part of me was also worried that this was a set up.

I was urged to go ahead. I explained that I did not want anyone to think that I had purposefully come with the offending sermon to hold everyone captive to hear it - as if to thumb my nose.

I went ahead. Not sure of myself and barely able to look anyone in the face because I was so uncomfortable - I'm sure this will be read as further "un Christ-like behaviour" rather than acute embarassment on my part.

I may never know, but I can' t help but suspect that preaching this sermon in front of the elder that had nothing nice to say about it was a bad idea. But the alternative was to come intending to preach and then refusing. I shouldn't have been put into this position to begin with.

Not sure that I will go back for any services in my old church. Don't really see the point - I like the church family of course but I'm one of those "let's rip the bandaid off" kinda people. I'm not staying so whether I go back for one last service or not doesn't seem important to me. Its not like I'm going to walk around and tell people that I have decided to leave so my last service to them is just another day. I guess this will sort itself out somehow. People who notice that I'm not around can call or ask C where I am. I just don't think anyone is really going to care that much.