My cat saw another cat outside and started freaking out. The first time she did this she woke us up and I sent Cliff downstairs convinced she was being hacked to death by some crazy cat murderer.
There is a cat that looks very much like her that will sit outside the living room window. She screams when she sees it. I mean it - its a scream. Today she was banging her head against the window in an effort to attack. I'm yelling at the other cat to get away but he ignores me. Finally I open the door to yell at it and he still wont' move. My cat and I are now outside. I'm in my under things. Finally the cat takes off. But wait - was it my cat that took off? Back into the house to put something a little more decent on. Thankfully I ended up with the right cat - but I admit I wasn't sure at first - especially when she started purring when I picked her up. She does not purr for me or sit on my lap. Only Cliff. I guess with him gone for a few days she figured she had to take what she could get!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Caught in Kosher
I was foraging for food in Loblaws when I spied something I hadn't seen before. As a matter of fact I saw all kinds of frozen food that I hadn't seen before. New food options!! Just as I am getting really interested I spot gefilte fish.
For some reason, (which means due to my neurotic tendencies) I freak out if I accidentally start looking at Kosher food. I mean, its just not kosher. Its as if a pastor walked in and caught me staring at the porno shelf in the convenience store. I don't feel this way in the International aisle. I can pick up taco shells and sweet and sour sauce without feeling as though I'm in forbidden territory. But maybe that's the point. I highly doubt that anyone truly interested in authentic chinese sauces or Mexican food would be caught dead in the international aisle.
I have the same feeling if I am looking in regular sizes with my friend. I think people are wondering - "how the hell does she expect to fit into that?".
On Seinfeld I really liked the Elaine character - unfortunately at heart I'm really a George!
Blessings on your day!
For some reason, (which means due to my neurotic tendencies) I freak out if I accidentally start looking at Kosher food. I mean, its just not kosher. Its as if a pastor walked in and caught me staring at the porno shelf in the convenience store. I don't feel this way in the International aisle. I can pick up taco shells and sweet and sour sauce without feeling as though I'm in forbidden territory. But maybe that's the point. I highly doubt that anyone truly interested in authentic chinese sauces or Mexican food would be caught dead in the international aisle.
I have the same feeling if I am looking in regular sizes with my friend. I think people are wondering - "how the hell does she expect to fit into that?".
On Seinfeld I really liked the Elaine character - unfortunately at heart I'm really a George!
Blessings on your day!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Supersize Me in Death
www.oversizecasket.com
"Serving the needsof the Oversized Casket Community for 20 years!"
You know, it really bugs me that they called their business Goliath Casket Inc. and they are Christian. I get the fact that some of us need larger coffins then others. I like to think that Cliff isn't going to be forced to look around for a piano carton to throw me in. But it seems that we could be more sensitive. Just because you are Christian doesn't mean that you need to find a Biblical name for your company. I'd rather my coffin read Steinway then Goliath!
I won't even give you the web site address for the other site I found. They have put a camera inside a coffin - yes with the deceased quite visible - with the promise that they will not edit or turn off the camera. If you are curious enough, you can Google it and find it. See there is a fine line between funny - being buried in the Goliath brand coffin I think is funny. Watching the dust to dust part live on camera is just not funny.
"Serving the needsof the Oversized Casket Community for 20 years!"
You know, it really bugs me that they called their business Goliath Casket Inc. and they are Christian. I get the fact that some of us need larger coffins then others. I like to think that Cliff isn't going to be forced to look around for a piano carton to throw me in. But it seems that we could be more sensitive. Just because you are Christian doesn't mean that you need to find a Biblical name for your company. I'd rather my coffin read Steinway then Goliath!
I won't even give you the web site address for the other site I found. They have put a camera inside a coffin - yes with the deceased quite visible - with the promise that they will not edit or turn off the camera. If you are curious enough, you can Google it and find it. See there is a fine line between funny - being buried in the Goliath brand coffin I think is funny. Watching the dust to dust part live on camera is just not funny.
Scared of Clowns
www.ihateclowns.com
Okay, guys, I've gotta tell you - I'm scared of clowns. I see a clown coming and I'm off the other way. They really freak me out. Its because they are really just regular people but they are dressed up so you can't see the real them and then they do stupid things to make you feel like an idiot. I came across the site up top a long time ago - one day I'm getting the T shirt.
I also have a thing about anyone dressed up in costume - Care Bears, Pooh, - anything where I know they are going to pantomine with me. Ooohhhh - I hate mimes. They are obnoxious. When it comes to fight or flight, clowns make me run, mimes makeme want to hit them. I get worked up just talking about them. By the way, I have never actually seen a mime.
Scariest thing I saw - a clown driving on the 401. Its just so...unnatural.
Okay, guys, I've gotta tell you - I'm scared of clowns. I see a clown coming and I'm off the other way. They really freak me out. Its because they are really just regular people but they are dressed up so you can't see the real them and then they do stupid things to make you feel like an idiot. I came across the site up top a long time ago - one day I'm getting the T shirt.
I also have a thing about anyone dressed up in costume - Care Bears, Pooh, - anything where I know they are going to pantomine with me. Ooohhhh - I hate mimes. They are obnoxious. When it comes to fight or flight, clowns make me run, mimes makeme want to hit them. I get worked up just talking about them. By the way, I have never actually seen a mime.
Scariest thing I saw - a clown driving on the 401. Its just so...unnatural.
My Father vs McDonald's
McDonald's is an easy target. They thrive on conformity and rules. And as soon as you make the rules more important then common sense you get humour.
My Dad went into McDonalds every Sunday with his paper. He would sit there a long time after his meal and on one particular day he had a number of people come up to him wanting to take one of the sections of his paper. After refusing a number of people an employee came up to him and haughtily told him "Sir, the paper is for everyone and you have to share". My father set him straight that this was his paper and he didn't have to share it with anyone. This is the kind of situation that I find frustrating at the time and funny later. What the hell kind of people complain that some guy won't share the paper? Some 40 year old goes and tells some 16 year old employee that a customer won't share?? Get a back bone.
On of the other run ins at McDonalds was over the continually changing price of his meal. He would always order the Big Breakfast and an extra hash brown. The extra hash brown threw of the staff every time. They would bring the meal with only one hash brown. Dad would have to explain he wanted two. They would tell him that they thought he justed wanted the one that came with the meal. The next time he would tell them two hash browns and they would bring him three. And the price was never the same for the same meal. One day after playing the game of ordering the hash brown the meal came up really cheap. My dad told the clerk that the price was much lower than usual. She told him that she gave him the senior's price at which point my father explained he was not a senior. The clerk without a trace of sarcasm says "I thought you were a senior because you are so cranky".
My Dad went into McDonalds every Sunday with his paper. He would sit there a long time after his meal and on one particular day he had a number of people come up to him wanting to take one of the sections of his paper. After refusing a number of people an employee came up to him and haughtily told him "Sir, the paper is for everyone and you have to share". My father set him straight that this was his paper and he didn't have to share it with anyone. This is the kind of situation that I find frustrating at the time and funny later. What the hell kind of people complain that some guy won't share the paper? Some 40 year old goes and tells some 16 year old employee that a customer won't share?? Get a back bone.
On of the other run ins at McDonalds was over the continually changing price of his meal. He would always order the Big Breakfast and an extra hash brown. The extra hash brown threw of the staff every time. They would bring the meal with only one hash brown. Dad would have to explain he wanted two. They would tell him that they thought he justed wanted the one that came with the meal. The next time he would tell them two hash browns and they would bring him three. And the price was never the same for the same meal. One day after playing the game of ordering the hash brown the meal came up really cheap. My dad told the clerk that the price was much lower than usual. She told him that she gave him the senior's price at which point my father explained he was not a senior. The clerk without a trace of sarcasm says "I thought you were a senior because you are so cranky".
What Makes Me Laugh
First of all I do not laugh at the oppressed or marginalized in our society. Some people make a living of making fun of these people and I have never found it funny.
What makes me say Oh Dear or Oh My is:
Really ugly art, especially ceramics. Done by someone who really believes its beautiful. We're talking big busts of Elvis, paintings on black velvet. Chubby angels. Plastic geese dressed up for the holidays. Basically, your local flea market makes me laugh. The uglier, the more desperate and the higher the price and I'm off on a giggle fest. But there has to be someone with me. Like Lesley - where we just walk by the booth and go "Oh My".
People who think "they are all that" and actually look pretty stupid. The very proud woman walking around with toilet tissue stuck to her shoe. The macho guy who stalls after riding my ass up the street.
Signs. The "Pedestrians Walking" sign on the way to Owen Sound cracked me up everytime. The "caution flying rocks" sign in Nova Scotia on a road newly laid with gravel. Woah, Cliff slow down - there's flying rocks!
Stupidity. The radio station in the Annapolis Valley (AVR for anyone familiar with the area) was a constant source of amusement. They used to play American Pie which unfortunately continued on side 2 of the record. Rather than buy two records and key them up they used to put on a commercial or an announcement and then the song would come back on in the middle. They also played songs like "I Love My Truck", "She Got the GoldMine, I Got the Shaft". Another AVR moment - "Caution driving out there, the roads are wet and there are many falling leaves making it quite slippery".
What makes me say Oh Dear or Oh My is:
Really ugly art, especially ceramics. Done by someone who really believes its beautiful. We're talking big busts of Elvis, paintings on black velvet. Chubby angels. Plastic geese dressed up for the holidays. Basically, your local flea market makes me laugh. The uglier, the more desperate and the higher the price and I'm off on a giggle fest. But there has to be someone with me. Like Lesley - where we just walk by the booth and go "Oh My".
People who think "they are all that" and actually look pretty stupid. The very proud woman walking around with toilet tissue stuck to her shoe. The macho guy who stalls after riding my ass up the street.
Signs. The "Pedestrians Walking" sign on the way to Owen Sound cracked me up everytime. The "caution flying rocks" sign in Nova Scotia on a road newly laid with gravel. Woah, Cliff slow down - there's flying rocks!
Stupidity. The radio station in the Annapolis Valley (AVR for anyone familiar with the area) was a constant source of amusement. They used to play American Pie which unfortunately continued on side 2 of the record. Rather than buy two records and key them up they used to put on a commercial or an announcement and then the song would come back on in the middle. They also played songs like "I Love My Truck", "She Got the GoldMine, I Got the Shaft". Another AVR moment - "Caution driving out there, the roads are wet and there are many falling leaves making it quite slippery".
Check out a funny site.
You have to check out my brother's blog "Mookie's Last Hope". http://mookieslasthope.blogspot.com I'll warn you ahead of time he is gay so that if you have a problem with that, you may not like his perspective. What you will read there is what my blog would have looked like 10 years ago. Heck, even five years ago - with a bit more ranting.
I am no longer funny. Maybe I never was. My father was a riot, my brother is a riot. I lost my humour when I became a Christian. Part of it is the church I go to. They do not laugh. Never. Neither does my husband - I can honestly say he has only ever laughed once at anything I have ever said. I wish I could remember what I said. To be honest I don't find him funny either. His humour is more of the obvious kind - a brain damaged friend of his family finds him very, very funny. Ha! See that's my humour. I'm not supposed to poke fun of my husband and certainly not mention someone with brain damage. Now I don't drop jokes like that just anywhere - just where I am comfortable.
I am no longer funny. Maybe I never was. My father was a riot, my brother is a riot. I lost my humour when I became a Christian. Part of it is the church I go to. They do not laugh. Never. Neither does my husband - I can honestly say he has only ever laughed once at anything I have ever said. I wish I could remember what I said. To be honest I don't find him funny either. His humour is more of the obvious kind - a brain damaged friend of his family finds him very, very funny. Ha! See that's my humour. I'm not supposed to poke fun of my husband and certainly not mention someone with brain damage. Now I don't drop jokes like that just anywhere - just where I am comfortable.
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