My TV Evangelist Loot

I got another envelope from Peter Popoff the Prophet. He has send me so many little gifts to encourage me to send money - I am thoroughly enjoying them.

This time though was a real extensive set of stuff. I received:

a very cheaply made cotton glove
a plastic vial of annointing oil
a plastic baggie

I was too excited by the bulky contents of the envelope to read the attached letter, though Peter put big warnings to read the letter first! I hope I didn't jinx everything.

Without reading the whole letter here is what I understand I am supposed to do.

First the glove is G-d's glove of love (or was it love glove?). ((Did you watch the Simpson's with Milhouse's father's song "Can I Borrow a Feeling"? It has a line in it about a glove of love.))

I am supposed to write my pray need (never a prayer of thanksgiving or commitment always a prayer asking for something) on the palm of the glove. Then I put the annointing oil all over my hand and stick my hand in the glove making sure the glove gets saturated with the oil.

The I put the glove in the provided plastic baggie and slip in my twenty dollars (oh, that's to show G-d that I believe that he will bless my meager 20 with tons more money) and ship the whole thing off to Peter.

I am very worried that this won't work - after all it will be hard to write a prayer request on the glove let alone ensure that the oil doesn't smudge my request. What if my request gets garbled? I don't want Peter praying for the wrong thing!

I'm dying to know what my next package is.....

I now have gold coins....

The televangelist Peter Popoff is still sending me stuff started when I called his prayer line back before Christmas. I haven't send him a cent but in the past months I have received:

Miracle Prayer Water
A "vine of life"
Tiny communion wafers - he refers to it as holy bread or some such thing.
Sand from the Holy Land
A cloth perfumed in incense.
An American dollar bill

and now 2 gold angel coins.

What I don't get is that I have never once sent him any money and yet all the treats still come. If you have kids that love getting mail this is one freebie that keeps on giving. Just don't let them read the letters - I got one telling me that he had an image of me with a someone close to me standing on a sidewalk with Satan planning to hurt my friend/relative. Unless I send money of course.

The gold coins are kinda neat. I think I'm supposed to mail one back and bury the other.

We had a discussion in church about how some people think Christians are weird. Its not that Christians are weird its just that the weird ones really go to great lengths to stand out!!

Miracle Salt

Well, Peter Popoff couldn't wait for me to send my money to annoint me with the blessing that is in store for me - he has now sent me a bag of Miracle Dead Sea salt. See my blog on the Miracle Water if you haven't read it.

I got a little tiny baggie of salt - I'm supposed to put some on my tongue and mail my money off.

Peter is very anxious about me because in another letter not connected with the whole Miracle Water project he has told me that he has seen satan in a vision talking to two of his evil doers as I passed by with a loved one and that they are plotting to destroy me financially and one of my relationships. Suddenly he has upped the ante because this letter wants 200 dollars as seed money to show God that I am obedient to Him. Then, once the money is sent Peter has been annointed to change my life - he isn't ready to tell my how much money I will receive but he addresses the letter to all those in the Million Dollar Club.

I'm really looking forward to the coming weeks - I think there will be lots more opportunities coming to me.

I'm Gonna Be Rich - Miracle Water

I've been feeling fed up with the institution of church. But now I can put things into perspective.

I'm a sucker for those tele evangelist shows. The crazier they are the better. I sit and exclaim over and over - "why do people watch this crap!".

Well Rev. Popoff has some amazing miracle water. It comes in a plastic tube and you drink it to receive your miracle. After watching a series of women exclaim that they drank the water and received the blessing of unexpected money I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have some. I needed to know what this package would look like and how slick would it have to be for someone to actually believe the good ole' Rev.

Cliff refused to call for me. Usually he will do something like this for me albeit reluctantly. Not this time. I had to call myself. See, I didn't want the person on the other end of the line to think that I was really into this sham but on the same hand I wanted to get my miracle water so I could have a peek at this whole industry.

Didn't matter in the end - the good rev has his own outgoing message, all I needed to do was leave my name and address and my prayer request. I didn't leave a prayer request because it seemed wrong to make fun of that part! I did use my maiden name though because I really don't want this stuff going to my real name.

I got my miracle water today! It was very exciting to read that Rev. Popoff is well acquainted with the very hard place that I am in in my life right now. As God's prophet he has guaranteed me that I have great blessings coming to me on January 5th, 2008. He is also very interested that I trust in God's promises and give a seed offering to God to the tune of 17 dollars. Then God will shower me with all of the blessings that I've got coming to me.

Sadly this is only one part of this tommyrot. The rest is that I must sleep with my miracle water on the floor next to my bed and drink it tomorrow morning. Okay, not a chance. The water has supposedly come from some spring revealed to a priest and his followers in Russia folllowing the Chernobyl accident.

As soon as my 17 dollars hits the Rev's pocket he will send me even more blessings. In the meantime, I have a second envelope to open after I have done all the miracle water stuff. I was warned not to open it yet but well I'm not very obedient. Inside is another long winded letter indicating that I am so truly blessed and set apart by God for some incredible events. I just need to show my absolute willingness to bless God with 27 dollars. Oh yes, I also have a piece of silver mylar - looks a bit like a piece of tinsel that I have to tie around my wrist and sleep with - only for one night. I send that and the money. The rev needs the tinsel because he feels powerfully called upon to pray through something that I have worn.

Now if anyone is confused enough to do the first letter I can only imagine what kinds of stuff they want to send with the second letter. If you really believe he is going to hold this stuff in his hands and pray through it wouldn't you send him something like your underwear or t shirt or something that you have actually lived in?

We are just waiting to see what stuff gets sent to us now. Not only will there be all of the pleas for my money from this guy but I bet I get on some really weird mailing lists.

It cost this guy 1.30 to send all this to me, plus the cost of the materials and the late night advertising. People must be so gullible - and it makes me sad because he has twisted the Gospel so much that people are apt to blame God for not receiving their riches rather then this sleazy operator.