I'm walking past a donation bin for the food bank and I see a bag of Doritos. Now, I realise that this is Tyndale and to some Doritos might fall into one of the food groups but I have to also note it was on the Seminary side where the age of the students is a little higher and the in ministry experience is a little more rounded.
Lesley was saying she noticed the same thing at Loblaws, some of the donations just boggle the mind. What on earth am I going to do with a box of cake mix. Yes, it is nice to think that I could make a birthday cake for my child but perhaps sending him to school with some protein in his stomach would be a little more helpful. I think we are so clueless. I'm sure people mean well, but it seems that there is an idea that food bank use is just to pick up a few things - that people aren't really as bad off as to need tuna over cake. I'm going to ask our food bank what they do with the chocolates and stuff - maybe I can start buying them and giving them the cash. I've seen the paperwork and even at non-living wage you are only allowed to come to the foodbank at most 4 times a month - this is to ensure there is enough food for everyone.
The whole donate food has been bugging me for some time because I reason that they could do a much better job buying the food wholesale if I give them cash. But there is something so gratifying about giving something you can see. I have always wondered why a supermarket doesn't have food bank drives where they lower the price on the food bank type items and put limits per customer. They would likely make money because I will go to that chain to buy tuna at the cheapest price and do the rest of my shopping while I am there. And maybe they could put up the price of Doritos and cake mix during that week!!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Good Customer Service Graduation
I had a really good customer service experience the other day. I went to my dentist and was told he was running late - which was fine because they have magazines I can't afford!
When I went in for the treatment he handed me a gift certificate to the LCBO saying that my time is as important has his time. Isn't that great! Had four small fillings done - and it was okay. If you are looking for a dentist his name is Arjay Singh and he works on Sheppard at Pharmacy. Very nice office and really good staff.
Now on the other hand, I was at Tyndale and needed to pay for my courses. Tyndale is not York. The registration and accounts payable counter is about 10 feet long and there are two places to line up. Usually they are really super and they often remember my name - no,not because I'm a bitch but because they are good! It was a few days before the last day to register so the line was unusually long. I did what I had to do and then got in the other line to pay. Then I asked for the form to fill out for graduation so I could pay the fee. The clerk looks at me and tells me that I need to go to Registration to get the form. I'm like are you serious? Oh yeah, they hand out the forms. I don't get this - they are all behind the counter side by side - its like lining up at McDonald's everything is back there. The forms are simply photocopied Word docs - and they are hanging up all over campus so its not like they are secure. What could I do? I had to go back into the Registration line to get the form.
Cliff couldn't believe I had to pay to graduate. I think I remembered this from York so I wasn't too surprised. The nice thing about going to a small school is I can invite as many as I like - so everyone who wants is invited to come out on Saturay, May 5th to see me graduate!
When I went in for the treatment he handed me a gift certificate to the LCBO saying that my time is as important has his time. Isn't that great! Had four small fillings done - and it was okay. If you are looking for a dentist his name is Arjay Singh and he works on Sheppard at Pharmacy. Very nice office and really good staff.
Now on the other hand, I was at Tyndale and needed to pay for my courses. Tyndale is not York. The registration and accounts payable counter is about 10 feet long and there are two places to line up. Usually they are really super and they often remember my name - no,not because I'm a bitch but because they are good! It was a few days before the last day to register so the line was unusually long. I did what I had to do and then got in the other line to pay. Then I asked for the form to fill out for graduation so I could pay the fee. The clerk looks at me and tells me that I need to go to Registration to get the form. I'm like are you serious? Oh yeah, they hand out the forms. I don't get this - they are all behind the counter side by side - its like lining up at McDonald's everything is back there. The forms are simply photocopied Word docs - and they are hanging up all over campus so its not like they are secure. What could I do? I had to go back into the Registration line to get the form.
Cliff couldn't believe I had to pay to graduate. I think I remembered this from York so I wasn't too surprised. The nice thing about going to a small school is I can invite as many as I like - so everyone who wants is invited to come out on Saturay, May 5th to see me graduate!
Last Exam
I wrote my last exam last night. Have you ever gotten to the point where you just want to finish - who cares about the mark? I got to that point and kept telling myself that once I started writing I would be so busy that the time would fly. But actually during the exam I can remember feeling like I just wanted to hand it in! I've never had that before. The prof was nice the way he set it up. You could choose three questions for 33.3 marks each or do 4 for 25 marks. Of course I picked writing 4 - the chances of a higher mark just made me go that route. Took me 2.5 hours and I'm not normally that long so I must have written enough! There was that panicky moment where the first person handed the exam in at the hour mark - everyone looks up thinking the same thing "did he just blow the exam or am I screwed!?".
This year was tough because 50% of my mark for this course was based on two papers I handed in on Nov 30th and 40% of my Ezekiel course was based on a paper handed in on the 27th. I didn't get the Ezekiel paper back until I handed in the exam and that just sucks because you like to have an idea of where you stand.
Driving home there was an incredible sense of freedom for about 15 minutes. By the time I got in the driveway I had already figured out what all was waiting for me at work and over the holiday!
This year was tough because 50% of my mark for this course was based on two papers I handed in on Nov 30th and 40% of my Ezekiel course was based on a paper handed in on the 27th. I didn't get the Ezekiel paper back until I handed in the exam and that just sucks because you like to have an idea of where you stand.
Driving home there was an incredible sense of freedom for about 15 minutes. By the time I got in the driveway I had already figured out what all was waiting for me at work and over the holiday!
Consumer Rant
I have had the worst customer service - at least three stories worth! The latest is that I went to Zeller's on a break from studying. I like to grab something to eat at the foodcourt at Centrepoint and then look over my notes there - there's lots of background noise and activity which I prefer.
Anyhow, there is a huge display of those boxes of Neilson chocolate - the ones that are Rosebuds, Macaroons, Slowpokes and they are advertised for 1.00. I usually don't buy them unless they are down are 97 cents but I figured if I bought anything else I would pick up a box on my way out the door.
I go through the cash and check my bill and I was charged 1.09. I go back and sure enough the sign says 1.00. What really pisses me is the tax - I bought two boxes so I figure I'll get more than 18 cents back.
I stand in line and I explain to the clerk that the sign says 1.00. She asks me if they are the same product. Now picture this - in front of her cash is a skid of this crap. Its a impulse buy and I can't possibly be the first person to buy this. So I explain that it is the same product. Having determined that I do need a refund she then tells me I have to go to the clerk that sold me the product. This is one line over and there is a lady buying a ton o crap so I'm not to thrilled about this. I ask her what would happen if the clerk had gone home for the day. Oh, well, I really just need to go to that specific cash. I ask her to show me where on my bill it says which cash because this just sounds like bullshit and I wanted to make sure that someone could actually tell which cash I went through before I change lanes. She shows me - I ask her if she realises that this is a stupid policy and she agrees that it is and she doesn't know why its this way.
Anyhow, I'm in the next lane and I have the same conversation. The cashier goes over and takes down the sign (finally someone with some responsibility) and explains to me that the sign was for a sale that ended on the 8th but since the sign was up she will give me the cheaper price. Here is where I really wanted to scream - I was buying this on the 13th. For 5 days they have been overcharging 9 cents a box on an item that is an impulse buy. How can you have a sale item with two signs on it for 5 days and I be the first person to notice. I really want to send a letter to Zellers asking them to pull up all the sales of that product from those cashes and donate the money to charity!
Anyhow, there is a huge display of those boxes of Neilson chocolate - the ones that are Rosebuds, Macaroons, Slowpokes and they are advertised for 1.00. I usually don't buy them unless they are down are 97 cents but I figured if I bought anything else I would pick up a box on my way out the door.
I go through the cash and check my bill and I was charged 1.09. I go back and sure enough the sign says 1.00. What really pisses me is the tax - I bought two boxes so I figure I'll get more than 18 cents back.
I stand in line and I explain to the clerk that the sign says 1.00. She asks me if they are the same product. Now picture this - in front of her cash is a skid of this crap. Its a impulse buy and I can't possibly be the first person to buy this. So I explain that it is the same product. Having determined that I do need a refund she then tells me I have to go to the clerk that sold me the product. This is one line over and there is a lady buying a ton o crap so I'm not to thrilled about this. I ask her what would happen if the clerk had gone home for the day. Oh, well, I really just need to go to that specific cash. I ask her to show me where on my bill it says which cash because this just sounds like bullshit and I wanted to make sure that someone could actually tell which cash I went through before I change lanes. She shows me - I ask her if she realises that this is a stupid policy and she agrees that it is and she doesn't know why its this way.
Anyhow, I'm in the next lane and I have the same conversation. The cashier goes over and takes down the sign (finally someone with some responsibility) and explains to me that the sign was for a sale that ended on the 8th but since the sign was up she will give me the cheaper price. Here is where I really wanted to scream - I was buying this on the 13th. For 5 days they have been overcharging 9 cents a box on an item that is an impulse buy. How can you have a sale item with two signs on it for 5 days and I be the first person to notice. I really want to send a letter to Zellers asking them to pull up all the sales of that product from those cashes and donate the money to charity!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Wedding Veils
Cliff is going to Haiti to help some missionaries build a Seminary. Often when travellers go over the missionaries will have a list of things they miss from home and will see if some stuff can be brought. One person wants Mountain Dew, another wants pecans for baking and so on. Well, Cliff called one of my friends to see what she thougth about her and I providing a wedding veil. She thought it was a great idea and said yes.
I haven't blogged for some time because I am always somewhere worrying about where I need to be next. Sewing a wedding veil was not on my top 100 things to do before Christmas. And certainly not on my list of things to have done by October 13th!
The first part of the problem is that I can't sew. I don't do my own hemming (which is why I have three pairs of pants I can't wear) and I usually end up swearing and throwing things when I actually do attempt to get anything done. To pick a veil as our project is highly laughable. On the one hand its a bunch of tulle in layers which sounds easy. On the other its tulle that will get jammed in the fabric feeder, will require a zigzag stitch and binding for the edges and will be a complete hassle.
So I went online to eBay today to see if I could find one for sale within the next few days in Toronto. I put my highest bid as 40 American and I have been outbid. I'm not convinced its worth going higher - the picture isn't very clear and its cathedral length so I don't know how it will look with the dress. So, we'll see what happens. I don't have a good feeling about this........
I haven't blogged for some time because I am always somewhere worrying about where I need to be next. Sewing a wedding veil was not on my top 100 things to do before Christmas. And certainly not on my list of things to have done by October 13th!
The first part of the problem is that I can't sew. I don't do my own hemming (which is why I have three pairs of pants I can't wear) and I usually end up swearing and throwing things when I actually do attempt to get anything done. To pick a veil as our project is highly laughable. On the one hand its a bunch of tulle in layers which sounds easy. On the other its tulle that will get jammed in the fabric feeder, will require a zigzag stitch and binding for the edges and will be a complete hassle.
So I went online to eBay today to see if I could find one for sale within the next few days in Toronto. I put my highest bid as 40 American and I have been outbid. I'm not convinced its worth going higher - the picture isn't very clear and its cathedral length so I don't know how it will look with the dress. So, we'll see what happens. I don't have a good feeling about this........
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Apology to Fellow Christians
Ah, its tough. I live in two worlds. There is the Christian world where things fall between two straight lines. After a while I know what not to say, what jokes are not appropriate. But that's not my culture. I come from a non-Christian culture - I understand the context of the jokes and the discussions. I understand that they are not meant to dishonour God - you can't intentionally dishonour those you don't know. As a Christian, I strive to know the difference - my actions are fuelled by a response to grace. I remember very well what it is to live without God and I identify with that culture. And this puts me in a difficult place sometimes.
To invite Christians to read my site which has links to my brother's site is tricky. My brother is a riot. He is smart, funny and very caring. But how he expresses himself might be shocking to others. So if you are easily offended don't go to his Mookieslasthope site. And don't mistake that he is speaking for non-Christians - there are non-Christians that might be offended by his language too. Just like there are Christians that I don't like the way they witness or treat others or use the Bible to preach their word instead of God's word. But I am far closer in personality, temperment and humour to my brother than any of my Christian friends. The only thing that makes us different is that Christ has claimed me - and I had no say in that!
Did we as Christians create the Christian culture or is it of God? If it is of God why does it separate us into us and them? How can I be salt and light if I avoid the places where I'm offended? How can I say I understand grace if I avoid those who have not yet received it?
Too many questions for this kind of blog!
To invite Christians to read my site which has links to my brother's site is tricky. My brother is a riot. He is smart, funny and very caring. But how he expresses himself might be shocking to others. So if you are easily offended don't go to his Mookieslasthope site. And don't mistake that he is speaking for non-Christians - there are non-Christians that might be offended by his language too. Just like there are Christians that I don't like the way they witness or treat others or use the Bible to preach their word instead of God's word. But I am far closer in personality, temperment and humour to my brother than any of my Christian friends. The only thing that makes us different is that Christ has claimed me - and I had no say in that!
Did we as Christians create the Christian culture or is it of God? If it is of God why does it separate us into us and them? How can I be salt and light if I avoid the places where I'm offended? How can I say I understand grace if I avoid those who have not yet received it?
Too many questions for this kind of blog!
First Week at School - Its all Greek to Me!
I have a total of three classes. Two are studies of books of the Bible - Ezekial and 1 Corinthians. The other is Greek - which is thankfully split into two 1 hour and 45 minute sections.
I had my last class for the week tonight and I am exhausted! Not to mention a little freaked out. Greek is moving pretty fast and though I really enjoy it I hate not being on top of something. I have to learn the definite articles by Monday. I have the alphabet down, dipthongs are on the way. I didn't even know what a dipthong was three days ago!
For my Corinthians class I have to recite from memory 1 Cor 13. This is not my thing, memory whether for faces, names or songs (I can't guarantee I get O Canada right!). Its only worth 5 marks but I have to present it in front of 3 adults. I hear a wings and beer night calling! That oughta throw the Firkin crowd off! C'mon - you know you want to take part in this educational journey!
Sadly, every Christian knows what 1 Cor 13 is - except for me - I had to look it up. Chapter and verse rote isn't my thing either. For the uninitiated it is the chapter that includes "Love is patient, love is kind". You have heard it at a wedding at some point in your life. Following the recitation I will give a rant on how much I can't stand this passage being used for weddings ....
Going back as a third year student is neat. There is no anxiety, I know where everything is and I know what to expect. Oh, except in the computer lab. The took away the hard drives - you now need a thingy to download to. I don't have a thingy or a thing on my home computer to read the thingy. C'mon Ian - help me out and at least tell me the technological words for this stuff - Lesley and Bernie can't help me they work in hospitals and schools - they probably still have those huge floppys!
I had my last class for the week tonight and I am exhausted! Not to mention a little freaked out. Greek is moving pretty fast and though I really enjoy it I hate not being on top of something. I have to learn the definite articles by Monday. I have the alphabet down, dipthongs are on the way. I didn't even know what a dipthong was three days ago!
For my Corinthians class I have to recite from memory 1 Cor 13. This is not my thing, memory whether for faces, names or songs (I can't guarantee I get O Canada right!). Its only worth 5 marks but I have to present it in front of 3 adults. I hear a wings and beer night calling! That oughta throw the Firkin crowd off! C'mon - you know you want to take part in this educational journey!
Sadly, every Christian knows what 1 Cor 13 is - except for me - I had to look it up. Chapter and verse rote isn't my thing either. For the uninitiated it is the chapter that includes "Love is patient, love is kind". You have heard it at a wedding at some point in your life. Following the recitation I will give a rant on how much I can't stand this passage being used for weddings ....
Going back as a third year student is neat. There is no anxiety, I know where everything is and I know what to expect. Oh, except in the computer lab. The took away the hard drives - you now need a thingy to download to. I don't have a thingy or a thing on my home computer to read the thingy. C'mon Ian - help me out and at least tell me the technological words for this stuff - Lesley and Bernie can't help me they work in hospitals and schools - they probably still have those huge floppys!
Monday, September 11, 2006
Party Hell
I went to a great party on the weekend. Great food, fantastic music, bar well stocked with anything you could imagine. Very nice people.
Problem is I didn't know anyone other than the hosts. As someone studying to be a pastor I keep thinking to myself - just talk to someone. I try this but it is not my strong suit. I hate small talk - its just so irrelevant. At one point it looks like a junior high school dance. We are all sitting on chairs lining the wall.
It was one of those surprise party deals where we got there way ahead of the birthday boy. SO I can't just leave after a reasonable amount of time that would be rude. And there were a group of people there that I enjoyed listening to though I couldn't really join in as they were talking about work. Thankfully, a group if non-Christians. This is when I realised how much I miss sitting with people with my background.
So I had a good time in a strange way. Once the guest arrived the barriers started to be broken down because he could find common ground between different people. It was really weird to be the only person there from the church because that was my label - "my friend from church". Which is great but its a lousy conversation starter - I was just relieved no one asked me what I do during the day. As soon as I say I'm studying in Bible College people become tongue tied.
The worst party I have ever been to was at my sister-in-law's. For those who know my family - this does not surprise you! Get this. She takes her husband out with another couple to dinner to come back to her apartment with us all waiting. Thing is none of us know each other. There was a mixture of family, friends and coworkers. No one knew more than one other person in the room. There were snacks laid out but we didn't dare touch them. The girl that had the key to open the apartment didn't really have instructions.
It was pretty bad and then the phone call came. At the time we were expecting them to arrive they called and said that they just got a seat! At the Keg! Give me a break. It was at that point that someone bravely suggested we start eating the chips. I'm family so I have no hope of leaving. It was horrid. I swore never again - a promise I have kept after too many of these family parties. I have horror stories of family birthdays and christenings where I would have preferred a Tupperware party in place of the actual event. Remind me to tell you about my in-laws lingerie party where my idiot brother-in-law came downstairs dancing dressed in tiger print underwear wearing Cliff's police belt and night stick. Why would you want to do this in front of people including your mother? The horror! The horror!
Problem is I didn't know anyone other than the hosts. As someone studying to be a pastor I keep thinking to myself - just talk to someone. I try this but it is not my strong suit. I hate small talk - its just so irrelevant. At one point it looks like a junior high school dance. We are all sitting on chairs lining the wall.
It was one of those surprise party deals where we got there way ahead of the birthday boy. SO I can't just leave after a reasonable amount of time that would be rude. And there were a group of people there that I enjoyed listening to though I couldn't really join in as they were talking about work. Thankfully, a group if non-Christians. This is when I realised how much I miss sitting with people with my background.
So I had a good time in a strange way. Once the guest arrived the barriers started to be broken down because he could find common ground between different people. It was really weird to be the only person there from the church because that was my label - "my friend from church". Which is great but its a lousy conversation starter - I was just relieved no one asked me what I do during the day. As soon as I say I'm studying in Bible College people become tongue tied.
The worst party I have ever been to was at my sister-in-law's. For those who know my family - this does not surprise you! Get this. She takes her husband out with another couple to dinner to come back to her apartment with us all waiting. Thing is none of us know each other. There was a mixture of family, friends and coworkers. No one knew more than one other person in the room. There were snacks laid out but we didn't dare touch them. The girl that had the key to open the apartment didn't really have instructions.
It was pretty bad and then the phone call came. At the time we were expecting them to arrive they called and said that they just got a seat! At the Keg! Give me a break. It was at that point that someone bravely suggested we start eating the chips. I'm family so I have no hope of leaving. It was horrid. I swore never again - a promise I have kept after too many of these family parties. I have horror stories of family birthdays and christenings where I would have preferred a Tupperware party in place of the actual event. Remind me to tell you about my in-laws lingerie party where my idiot brother-in-law came downstairs dancing dressed in tiger print underwear wearing Cliff's police belt and night stick. Why would you want to do this in front of people including your mother? The horror! The horror!
The Weird Bread at the Deli Counter
I was snooping around Sobey's Sunday night looking for dinner and school lunches. Why I waited until 10 pm on a school night I don't know. I had all summer to think about school lunches but I waited until the last minute.
I had the same thought that I often have when I walk past the Deli counter. Who buys the weird bread there? You know. The bread that sits on that little low shelf in front of the deli case. Its all tiny bags and big slices of bread and all of it has the look of being old. Like a month old. It looks like something they would feed you on a crossing of the Atlantic in the late 1800's. With some ale.
I picture little old ladies hunched over in black poking at it with their canes. Yet I never actually see anyone buying it. I've never even seen my mother-in-law buy it. And she is a likely candidate. We were moving her stuff up north - a four hour drive and she packed us cheese sandwiches - and was very annoyed that we had the audacity to stop at Rotten Ronnies on the way up. See, if you cut the moldy section off of the bread and cheese its perfectly fine. In her defense she did grow up in the war in Holland - old habits die hard.
So my plan is to take her past the weird bread and see if she bites! I'll let you know!
I had the same thought that I often have when I walk past the Deli counter. Who buys the weird bread there? You know. The bread that sits on that little low shelf in front of the deli case. Its all tiny bags and big slices of bread and all of it has the look of being old. Like a month old. It looks like something they would feed you on a crossing of the Atlantic in the late 1800's. With some ale.
I picture little old ladies hunched over in black poking at it with their canes. Yet I never actually see anyone buying it. I've never even seen my mother-in-law buy it. And she is a likely candidate. We were moving her stuff up north - a four hour drive and she packed us cheese sandwiches - and was very annoyed that we had the audacity to stop at Rotten Ronnies on the way up. See, if you cut the moldy section off of the bread and cheese its perfectly fine. In her defense she did grow up in the war in Holland - old habits die hard.
So my plan is to take her past the weird bread and see if she bites! I'll let you know!
Where Have I Been!
Boy! Its been a while since I posted. I have been going through this angst over looking at new churches. For a lot of people it would sound like this would be as easy as changing your grocery store. Its more like a divorce. I want a trial separation where I come in and out of my home church while I try to see if there is something else out there that I fit into better. Leaving me feeling very guilty. Did I try hard enough, can I overlook some of the missing parts of the relationship - can I go elsewhere to pick up what I'm missing? Lots of people do that last thing. You go to church on Sunday and the rest of the week you spend time in your other worlds. Your friends are outside of the church, you volunteer outside of the church, your recreation is outside, your mentors are outside. But I'm not wired like that - I believe the local church is the only hope for the world. How can I faithfully attend without friends, activities, mentors?
So, while you all are shaking your head saying "Leave already!" its a bit harder than that. Then how will I know when I am in the right church? I've been married too long to go back to the dating scene. That whole "a second date looks good" to the final, inevitable "what was I thinking!"
I went to a good church on the weekend. Small, committed, diverse. But they need parishioners who can put in some time and I just don't have any to give this year - I am stressed by the amount of stuff on my plate already. Last year I was looking exactly for a church like this where I could get really involved and make a difference. This year I just want a place to crash on Sunday. Which means my home church suddenly became perfect - I can hear some of you grinding your teeth!
Anyhow, this has consumed all of my worry time. So I haven't had anything funny to write. Not that I ever did before!
So, while you all are shaking your head saying "Leave already!" its a bit harder than that. Then how will I know when I am in the right church? I've been married too long to go back to the dating scene. That whole "a second date looks good" to the final, inevitable "what was I thinking!"
I went to a good church on the weekend. Small, committed, diverse. But they need parishioners who can put in some time and I just don't have any to give this year - I am stressed by the amount of stuff on my plate already. Last year I was looking exactly for a church like this where I could get really involved and make a difference. This year I just want a place to crash on Sunday. Which means my home church suddenly became perfect - I can hear some of you grinding your teeth!
Anyhow, this has consumed all of my worry time. So I haven't had anything funny to write. Not that I ever did before!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Stressed - Shopping for the differently abled.
Boy, am I stressed and unless I'm stressed to the point of insanity I'm just not funny. I'm in the middle of letting my church know that I'm not happy and am planning to find another church and my job at the other church is picking up at break neck speed. Spent my morning arguing with a guy about a room booking. All part of the process to saving souls I guess.
If I do start heading out to other churches to see what's out there I think there will be tons of material for future blogs! Maybe a whole blog based on those experiences.
I do have a story about a grocery store. I was in Dominion at Don Mills Centre. Because the mall itself is closed down most of the grocery store patrons are from across the street - which are mostly seniors' buildings.
It didn't take me very many aisles to realise that I was the most fit and able bodied person in the room. Very sad. Walker, wheel chairs, canes. Every aisle had someone needing help reaching, hearing or reading. Unfortunately, I like to stop and help people. I quickly realised that this is not the grocery store to go to if I am in a rush because there are just too many people needing help! Just listening to one deaf old woman try to put in an order on a personalized birthday cake was enough to make me want to jab my eyes out with a rusty nail. Even the people who didn't have obvious impediments obviously had impediments if you know what I mean.
If I do start heading out to other churches to see what's out there I think there will be tons of material for future blogs! Maybe a whole blog based on those experiences.
I do have a story about a grocery store. I was in Dominion at Don Mills Centre. Because the mall itself is closed down most of the grocery store patrons are from across the street - which are mostly seniors' buildings.
It didn't take me very many aisles to realise that I was the most fit and able bodied person in the room. Very sad. Walker, wheel chairs, canes. Every aisle had someone needing help reaching, hearing or reading. Unfortunately, I like to stop and help people. I quickly realised that this is not the grocery store to go to if I am in a rush because there are just too many people needing help! Just listening to one deaf old woman try to put in an order on a personalized birthday cake was enough to make me want to jab my eyes out with a rusty nail. Even the people who didn't have obvious impediments obviously had impediments if you know what I mean.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday's Feast - August 11
Appetizer
Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
The Fisher Price Castle. Complete with drawbridge, thrones, royal family, dungeon and secret doors. Oh yeah, it also had a carriage and horses. I loved it. I also love my Miss America dress up set that I got when I turned 7. I carefully put it on walked around the room in it and then took it off - it was too good to play with. My toys were in pristine condition! As a matter of fact back when I was about 5 or 6 the Barbie Camper was all the rage. Just the perfect accessory for Suntan Barbie. We lived on Vancouver Island and the toy was sold out. One of the ladies on the street went over to the mainland with 4 orders for campers for kids in the neighbourhood - mine was the only one still in one piece months after Christmas.
Soup
If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
Medications. Even in Canada there are people who can not afford medications. Especially for children.
Salad
Approximately how many times per day do you think about your significant other?
I'm not even sure. He comes across my mind a lot. Not always for good reasons - see my moving violation entry.
Main Course
What is something you believe in 100%?
Too easy. Jesus Christ as God's plan for redeeming the world.
Dessert
Name one thing you have done this week that you would consider a "good deed."
Set up! After the answer above I'm going to look like a typical hypocritical Christian if I have nothing to answer. Hmm. I'm looking into getting the pastor that has been taking care of my internship a ticket to a conference on the Arts. Its a gift rather than a deed but I am going to trouble to do it - maybe that counts. And I picked up three ballet outfits from a store for three little girls that I know would love them - they weren't expensive but I think that counts. And I've got some donations of paper and binders for our Food Bank for back to school. Everything I do seems to be around money! I do a lot of babysitting for my friend but wasn't need last week!
Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
The Fisher Price Castle. Complete with drawbridge, thrones, royal family, dungeon and secret doors. Oh yeah, it also had a carriage and horses. I loved it. I also love my Miss America dress up set that I got when I turned 7. I carefully put it on walked around the room in it and then took it off - it was too good to play with. My toys were in pristine condition! As a matter of fact back when I was about 5 or 6 the Barbie Camper was all the rage. Just the perfect accessory for Suntan Barbie. We lived on Vancouver Island and the toy was sold out. One of the ladies on the street went over to the mainland with 4 orders for campers for kids in the neighbourhood - mine was the only one still in one piece months after Christmas.
Soup
If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
Medications. Even in Canada there are people who can not afford medications. Especially for children.
Salad
Approximately how many times per day do you think about your significant other?
I'm not even sure. He comes across my mind a lot. Not always for good reasons - see my moving violation entry.
Main Course
What is something you believe in 100%?
Too easy. Jesus Christ as God's plan for redeeming the world.
Dessert
Name one thing you have done this week that you would consider a "good deed."
Set up! After the answer above I'm going to look like a typical hypocritical Christian if I have nothing to answer. Hmm. I'm looking into getting the pastor that has been taking care of my internship a ticket to a conference on the Arts. Its a gift rather than a deed but I am going to trouble to do it - maybe that counts. And I picked up three ballet outfits from a store for three little girls that I know would love them - they weren't expensive but I think that counts. And I've got some donations of paper and binders for our Food Bank for back to school. Everything I do seems to be around money! I do a lot of babysitting for my friend but wasn't need last week!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
See what counselling can do!
You've got read Mookies Last Hope. See my brother is me without counselling. He is a helluva lot funnier and can go into a rant over the most assinine things. I highly respect this. I used to be able to rant - I actually took on security at Pearson one time and had 50 people following my lead. That was of course pre 911 - and counselling.
I was in Zeller's today. Yeah, I know its a Sunday and I'm not supposed to but well, I needed hanging file folders. Which I haven't actually done anything with yet so "need" is overstated.
Anyhow, I get in line and there is confusion at one of the cashes. The register is not working. Come on - the register works its the operator. There are two clerks playing with it and people are getting frustrated because the other cash is going through some kind of bizarre return or something.
Well this chick who is off duty starts yacking it up with one of the clerks trying to fix the machine. Now I know that logically it probably isn't going to make a difference in the long run if she stands and chats but it really pisses me off. Like "HELLO - I'M THE CUSTOMER YOU SHOULD BE PAYING ATTENTION TO". Before counselling I would have already told the two of them that I don't particularly care what movie they are going to go see and if you are off duty then get your ass out of the way or help fix the problem. But see, I'm a kinder, gentler person now. I think about telling these two to get it together but I don't.
The other day Cliff and I were eating in Zellers (yeah, my age is showing but I defy you to find a better burger and fries) and a chick off duty is standing talking to one of the servers. With a freakin' Teen Burger from A&W in her hand! Meanwhile bud with his 4 year old is waiting to place his order. My skin crawls when I see that kinda stuff going on.
But this is progress for me. I should be happy that I didn't say anything. Its none of my business and its not up to me to fix the world. Grrrr.
I was in Zeller's today. Yeah, I know its a Sunday and I'm not supposed to but well, I needed hanging file folders. Which I haven't actually done anything with yet so "need" is overstated.
Anyhow, I get in line and there is confusion at one of the cashes. The register is not working. Come on - the register works its the operator. There are two clerks playing with it and people are getting frustrated because the other cash is going through some kind of bizarre return or something.
Well this chick who is off duty starts yacking it up with one of the clerks trying to fix the machine. Now I know that logically it probably isn't going to make a difference in the long run if she stands and chats but it really pisses me off. Like "HELLO - I'M THE CUSTOMER YOU SHOULD BE PAYING ATTENTION TO". Before counselling I would have already told the two of them that I don't particularly care what movie they are going to go see and if you are off duty then get your ass out of the way or help fix the problem. But see, I'm a kinder, gentler person now. I think about telling these two to get it together but I don't.
The other day Cliff and I were eating in Zellers (yeah, my age is showing but I defy you to find a better burger and fries) and a chick off duty is standing talking to one of the servers. With a freakin' Teen Burger from A&W in her hand! Meanwhile bud with his 4 year old is waiting to place his order. My skin crawls when I see that kinda stuff going on.
But this is progress for me. I should be happy that I didn't say anything. Its none of my business and its not up to me to fix the world. Grrrr.
There are no new shoe styles after 39!
Well, I took some "me time" and went looking for a low pair of black shoes. And I realized that now that I'm 40 there are no more surprises in the shoe market. Everything I saw I have seen before in some other year. Kitten heels - wore those when I was 19. Wedgies with ribbon laces - didn't wear them because I had taste back in the 80's. Mettalic - well I guess I lied about taste! I had a pair in high school that were like a burnished bronze. Pumps with pointed toes, pumps with square toes - been there, done that. Pumps with pieces of metal as accents - so 80's.
I love shoes. I'm always looking for the perfect pair. So to realise that there is nothing new under the sun is such a let down. It always used to be I saw a pair I loved that I couldn't afford, couldnt' walk in, couldn't fit into, didn't have anything to wear with them. Now its just that they are old news.
I did see a pair of patent leather flats with bows on the front - with square toes. They are very much like the white cotton pair I had back in the early 90's. But I'm 40. Can I really get away with patent leather bows? I'm so depressed......
I love shoes. I'm always looking for the perfect pair. So to realise that there is nothing new under the sun is such a let down. It always used to be I saw a pair I loved that I couldn't afford, couldnt' walk in, couldn't fit into, didn't have anything to wear with them. Now its just that they are old news.
I did see a pair of patent leather flats with bows on the front - with square toes. They are very much like the white cotton pair I had back in the early 90's. But I'm 40. Can I really get away with patent leather bows? I'm so depressed......
My first moving violation!
Yup, it happened - I got pulled over on my way to church. I've never been pulled over before and I was really nervous. The front plate on the WARTHOG fell off and I nagged Cliff twice but he never got around to putting it on.
What could I say - I told the officer it had been at least two weeks, that I'm not very handy with a screwdriver but that I understand its my responsibility. He gave me a ticket. When I first saw him I wondered if he had noticed the plate was missing and then I saw him looking down at his computer so I hoped that once the last name popped up I would just get a warning.
Anyhow, I'm happy to pay the 85 because it really is stupid that I play the dumb female rather than get on my hands and knees and figure out how to attach the thing. I am sure as heck not going to testify to my incompentency in court! However, Cliff has found an error - he is going to go swear it out at a JP to get is squashed and if that doesn't work he will take it to court with a picture of the plate and the receipt for the bolts. I told him that my name is registered on the car so he better follow through or else I'll just pay it!
The error? It says that I was stopped at Sheppard and Don Valley. Instead of Don Valley Parkway. I don't like fighting technicalities.
So we will see if my plates are denied next June because for those of you who know Cliff he is the king of procastination (even worse then me!).
What could I say - I told the officer it had been at least two weeks, that I'm not very handy with a screwdriver but that I understand its my responsibility. He gave me a ticket. When I first saw him I wondered if he had noticed the plate was missing and then I saw him looking down at his computer so I hoped that once the last name popped up I would just get a warning.
Anyhow, I'm happy to pay the 85 because it really is stupid that I play the dumb female rather than get on my hands and knees and figure out how to attach the thing. I am sure as heck not going to testify to my incompentency in court! However, Cliff has found an error - he is going to go swear it out at a JP to get is squashed and if that doesn't work he will take it to court with a picture of the plate and the receipt for the bolts. I told him that my name is registered on the car so he better follow through or else I'll just pay it!
The error? It says that I was stopped at Sheppard and Don Valley. Instead of Don Valley Parkway. I don't like fighting technicalities.
So we will see if my plates are denied next June because for those of you who know Cliff he is the king of procastination (even worse then me!).
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Fridays Feast 105
Friday, August 04, 2006
Feast One Hundred & Five
Appetizer
Name an actor or actress you think is totally underappreciated.
I couldn't name most actors if I tried. We were in Whole Paycheque (commonly known as Whole Foods) drooling at the vast selection of food I don't see anywhere else, and my friend pointed out Laurence Fishburne pondering over the bottled water just behind us. I tried to look impressed but I'm thinking - who is he? Politician, sports? Yes, I do now know who he is! I had to get past him - so I guess that was my brush with fame!
Soup
Impress us by using a big word in a sentence.
I find the differences of consubstantiation and transubtantiation difficult to grasp, but luckily I don't hold to eiher of them.
Salad
What is something inanimate that you've given a name to (such as a pet rock)?
I don't name my body parts, so luckily this is appropriate for family members to read! I had an acquaintance that named his penis. "Fred". I think there is something weird about that - I would have expected a nickname not a proper first name. But, hey, I'm not a guy.
I had a t-shirt that I loved that I called "Golden Boy" in reference to a Seinfeld episode. It at little holes in it and paint from a trip to the Dominican building a church but I still wore it. Why on earth I let it get subjected to the trials of a mission trip I don't know. Cliff knows that when I'm looking for Golden Boy exactly which t-shirt I mean.
Main Course
What color would best represent your personality and why?
The first colour that springs to mind is black. I have no idea why. I think its because its not as easy to pin down like pink or blue. When I think of black I think not just of sorrow or depression. I think of complexity, deepness, wholeness. Growing up purple was my favourite colour until I was about ten and then it was black.
Dessert
Fill in the blanks: ____________ is so ____________.
Life is so exciting!
Feast One Hundred & Five
Appetizer
Name an actor or actress you think is totally underappreciated.
I couldn't name most actors if I tried. We were in Whole Paycheque (commonly known as Whole Foods) drooling at the vast selection of food I don't see anywhere else, and my friend pointed out Laurence Fishburne pondering over the bottled water just behind us. I tried to look impressed but I'm thinking - who is he? Politician, sports? Yes, I do now know who he is! I had to get past him - so I guess that was my brush with fame!
Soup
Impress us by using a big word in a sentence.
I find the differences of consubstantiation and transubtantiation difficult to grasp, but luckily I don't hold to eiher of them.
Salad
What is something inanimate that you've given a name to (such as a pet rock)?
I don't name my body parts, so luckily this is appropriate for family members to read! I had an acquaintance that named his penis. "Fred". I think there is something weird about that - I would have expected a nickname not a proper first name. But, hey, I'm not a guy.
I had a t-shirt that I loved that I called "Golden Boy" in reference to a Seinfeld episode. It at little holes in it and paint from a trip to the Dominican building a church but I still wore it. Why on earth I let it get subjected to the trials of a mission trip I don't know. Cliff knows that when I'm looking for Golden Boy exactly which t-shirt I mean.
Main Course
What color would best represent your personality and why?
The first colour that springs to mind is black. I have no idea why. I think its because its not as easy to pin down like pink or blue. When I think of black I think not just of sorrow or depression. I think of complexity, deepness, wholeness. Growing up purple was my favourite colour until I was about ten and then it was black.
Dessert
Fill in the blanks: ____________ is so ____________.
Life is so exciting!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Internship Update
Since shutting down my other blog - which was getting too personal even for my close friends - there is no where to get info on my internship. Admittedly, I am not above emailing a whole whack of people to tell them how it is going, but really if people want to know they will ask. So if you are one of the few that care he it is:
I did my first real sermon last week. Sermons are weird. If the congregation likes it you are as likely to have done a poor one as a good one. The sermons that some churches need to hear would really piss off the regulars. So don't read too much into the fact that I got very good feedback from my sermon. We are taught to give sermons that focus on the positive rather than the negative. I'm more of a fire and brimstone person so I really hate doing that. But this congregation is so perfect I was having a hard time imagining ever calling them to task. So I did one of warning. I think God would be satisfied with my attempt - its so hard to say.
Today I was supposed to do the children's message. There were only two children and neither of them looked old enough to understand my message on hope and neither looked to excited to come and sit up on the "stage" - I gotta find out the churchy name for it. So I led the congregation in prayer over them that children this young would not know despair for some time and therefore not need to long for hope. And I extended it out to the children who have grown old too fast. This is the other weird thing about leading worship. Something that is off the cuff and not planned out speaks to someone. The person leading worship today commented before the congregational prayer that my words really spoke to him and helped him. This is why you can't measure a sermon. The Holy Spirit helps people hear what they need. I have no idea how this person connected to what I said but luckily it is not all up to me.
So, I am having a good time. It is the perfect church which is supposed to be a myth. I have a friend who told me Living Hope in Peterborough is also a perfect church. So there are two out there. I have decided to prepare for seminary. I am taking Greek next year on the off chance I get a job in ministry and can go to Sem part time (the Greek will allow me to do that more easily).
Thanks for reading!
I did my first real sermon last week. Sermons are weird. If the congregation likes it you are as likely to have done a poor one as a good one. The sermons that some churches need to hear would really piss off the regulars. So don't read too much into the fact that I got very good feedback from my sermon. We are taught to give sermons that focus on the positive rather than the negative. I'm more of a fire and brimstone person so I really hate doing that. But this congregation is so perfect I was having a hard time imagining ever calling them to task. So I did one of warning. I think God would be satisfied with my attempt - its so hard to say.
Today I was supposed to do the children's message. There were only two children and neither of them looked old enough to understand my message on hope and neither looked to excited to come and sit up on the "stage" - I gotta find out the churchy name for it. So I led the congregation in prayer over them that children this young would not know despair for some time and therefore not need to long for hope. And I extended it out to the children who have grown old too fast. This is the other weird thing about leading worship. Something that is off the cuff and not planned out speaks to someone. The person leading worship today commented before the congregational prayer that my words really spoke to him and helped him. This is why you can't measure a sermon. The Holy Spirit helps people hear what they need. I have no idea how this person connected to what I said but luckily it is not all up to me.
So, I am having a good time. It is the perfect church which is supposed to be a myth. I have a friend who told me Living Hope in Peterborough is also a perfect church. So there are two out there. I have decided to prepare for seminary. I am taking Greek next year on the off chance I get a job in ministry and can go to Sem part time (the Greek will allow me to do that more easily).
Thanks for reading!
Rollercoaster
Tree Topper - Upper Clements Park
Wood
William Cobb Ride Stats
Height: 52 feet
Drop: 50 feet
Top speed: 35 mph
Length: 1,400 feet
Ride time: 1 minute, 15 seconds
Trains: 1 - 20 passenger
In the Friday's Feast I was supposed to talk about a new experience. Riding this roller coaster about 10 years ago was an experience I will never forget. Nor will the young child sitting behind me who learned new words they had never heard before.
I can't believe this is a 1 minute and 15 second ride. I can tell you that for the first 10 seconds or so I was mildly frightened. After that I was terrified.
I was in the second car with my brother in the front. At first I didn't scream. But once I started I couldn't stop. He actually turned to me at one point with his hair whipping in the wind to see if I was okay.
The ride operator was so nice! There wasn't a line up waiting to get on so he let us go again for free!. Then again. By the third time there was only one swear word that I hadn't used. The ride operator commented that "someone is sure having fun out there!". I though it would get easier with each ride but it got worse. I still occasionally scream when we drive over one of those small hills that give butterflies.
By the time we pulled in the third time I was begging to be let off. I apologized perfusely to the woman behind me. I felt really bad about the "Get me off this fnn thing!" comment. She didn't look offended only very amused.
I have never gone on one since. But when I go down to Nova Scotia and see it I have this urge to get on to prove that I can do it. Luckily my feet keep walking past!
Friday's Feast 104
Feast One-Hundred & Four
Appetizer: What's the funniest dream you can remember having?
I can't remember the funniest dream, but I often start laughing at my dreams waking myself up
Soup: If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
I gotta say there is something enticing about being one of those tiny rat dogs that the stars are carrying around in their purses. I saw a squirrel being carried around in a lady's purse in Toronto - we are a far way from Hollywood. These dogs have it made - they don't have to walk to far, they get to wear fancy clothes and I'm pretty sure they are not eating ground up cow lungs for lunch. Not that I do either - I meant that's whats in dog food. I would also love to have a chance to bite one of these hands that feeds me!
Salad
Continue this sentence: "I get confused when..."
Apparently I live in the state of confusion when I watch T.V. I can't watch any of the James Bond movies because I never know what in the heck is going on. I saw Star Wars when it first came out and was confused the entire time. I don't think I would get it anymore today then I did then. All commercials confuse me - I don't pay enough attention so I'm never sure what they are for and I always ask Cliff what is going on.
Main Course: Name two things that need to be done, but you are procrastinating in completing.
I'll get to this later, after I clean my house.
Dessert: When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?
I've tried lots of new things. I sang acappella in front of a Worship class (that's a whole separate story), I've gone back to school full time, I preached a sermon for the first time last week...
But the one that sticks out is a few years ago. My step-son was emphatic that I try out one of these little race tracks. I really, really didn't want to do it but he was so disappointed and nagging that I finally gave in. Hated every minute of it. Ooooh, that reminds me of another story about the roller coaster ride....
Appetizer: What's the funniest dream you can remember having?
I can't remember the funniest dream, but I often start laughing at my dreams waking myself up
Soup: If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
I gotta say there is something enticing about being one of those tiny rat dogs that the stars are carrying around in their purses. I saw a squirrel being carried around in a lady's purse in Toronto - we are a far way from Hollywood. These dogs have it made - they don't have to walk to far, they get to wear fancy clothes and I'm pretty sure they are not eating ground up cow lungs for lunch. Not that I do either - I meant that's whats in dog food. I would also love to have a chance to bite one of these hands that feeds me!
Salad
Continue this sentence: "I get confused when..."
Apparently I live in the state of confusion when I watch T.V. I can't watch any of the James Bond movies because I never know what in the heck is going on. I saw Star Wars when it first came out and was confused the entire time. I don't think I would get it anymore today then I did then. All commercials confuse me - I don't pay enough attention so I'm never sure what they are for and I always ask Cliff what is going on.
Main Course: Name two things that need to be done, but you are procrastinating in completing.
I'll get to this later, after I clean my house.
Dessert: When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?
I've tried lots of new things. I sang acappella in front of a Worship class (that's a whole separate story), I've gone back to school full time, I preached a sermon for the first time last week...
But the one that sticks out is a few years ago. My step-son was emphatic that I try out one of these little race tracks. I really, really didn't want to do it but he was so disappointed and nagging that I finally gave in. Hated every minute of it. Ooooh, that reminds me of another story about the roller coaster ride....
Friday, July 21, 2006
Friday Feast
Each Friday there is a blog where you can pick up random questions to answer - here they are for this Friday:
Friday, July 21, 2006
Feast One Hundred and Three
Appetizer
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.
I get road rage when I'm honked at. Not for a gentle honk but for a bullying honk. No one tells me how to drive!
Soup
Name something you use to make your home smell good.
Define "smell good". If I smell dinner cooking when I get in the door that smells mighty fine to me! I have been known to throw some cinnamon sticks into a pot of sugar and water to make the house smell Christmassy.
Salad
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?
A car of course!
Main Course
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?
Breathing. I try to do it at least every hour.
Dessert
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?
Traffic on the 401. - There's about 16 lanes of traffic right outside my backyard. We have a barrier and our yard is actually about 8 feet above the highway. I keep telling people that they should put a warning sign up on the housing side of the fence as a reminder that there is a highway and a drop off over the fence but everyone laughs. My friend wasn't laughing when she launched her son's toy airplane right over the fence! He wasn't either. Apparently there were no screeching tires to be heard.
We have always hoped that we would have the courage to launch our cats over the fence when they die. Have you seen the vet bills for disposal of a cat?
This also gives Cliff lots to do - there is a major crash out there at least once a year. One time he was able to climb up onto our shed to see if anyone needed help. There are tons of small crashes too - Cliff wakes up and gets on the phone. I roll over and go back to sleep! Everyone has a cell phone nowadays!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Feast One Hundred and Three
Appetizer
Fill in the blanks: I ____________ when I _____________.
I get road rage when I'm honked at. Not for a gentle honk but for a bullying honk. No one tells me how to drive!
Soup
Name something you use to make your home smell good.
Define "smell good". If I smell dinner cooking when I get in the door that smells mighty fine to me! I have been known to throw some cinnamon sticks into a pot of sugar and water to make the house smell Christmassy.
Salad
If you could receive a coupon in the mail for 50% off any product, what would you want it to be for?
A car of course!
Main Course
Besides sleeping, what do you spend the majority of the hours of your typical day doing?
Breathing. I try to do it at least every hour.
Dessert
What can you hear right now while answering these questions?
Traffic on the 401. - There's about 16 lanes of traffic right outside my backyard. We have a barrier and our yard is actually about 8 feet above the highway. I keep telling people that they should put a warning sign up on the housing side of the fence as a reminder that there is a highway and a drop off over the fence but everyone laughs. My friend wasn't laughing when she launched her son's toy airplane right over the fence! He wasn't either. Apparently there were no screeching tires to be heard.
We have always hoped that we would have the courage to launch our cats over the fence when they die. Have you seen the vet bills for disposal of a cat?
This also gives Cliff lots to do - there is a major crash out there at least once a year. One time he was able to climb up onto our shed to see if anyone needed help. There are tons of small crashes too - Cliff wakes up and gets on the phone. I roll over and go back to sleep! Everyone has a cell phone nowadays!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Internship - Am I a Jew?
I'm writing my sermon for Sunday. Well, I have written the first draft and am procastinating. First I was going to do it this afternoon. Then this evening. Now tomorrow afternoon.
There are things I was supposed to know that I don't. I guess that now that I'm an intern now is the time to ask - before it gets really embarassing.
Part of my sermon talks about the Israelites (Jews) who were God's chosen and how through Christ the Gentiles were invited to join - both were united in one family. What bothers me is the theme that I keep hearing at Tyndale and church is that "we are the Gentiles who have been invited by Christ". Why do we assume that? Maybe I am a descendent of the church where Jews and Gentiles came together to form one united body. Maybe my family traces back to Judaism. I don't understand the assumption - yet I get the idea I am supposed to understand this assumption.
Isn't it weird how you can be doing something that you've always done and suddenly you get the feeling that you aren't doing it right? I used to have this at work. My friend Lesley would get the call - "Hey, I'm using this method to calculate this and I don't think I've ever done right!".
All I know for sure is that I am taking a handkerchief up with me. I led the service last week and was sweating so much! The Pastor was in a golf shirt and was still too hot. I had visions of my first foray into preaching in my new preaching shoes (feminine yet not fussy, low heel, no nonsense) and a jacket. Ain't gonna happen!
There are things I was supposed to know that I don't. I guess that now that I'm an intern now is the time to ask - before it gets really embarassing.
Part of my sermon talks about the Israelites (Jews) who were God's chosen and how through Christ the Gentiles were invited to join - both were united in one family. What bothers me is the theme that I keep hearing at Tyndale and church is that "we are the Gentiles who have been invited by Christ". Why do we assume that? Maybe I am a descendent of the church where Jews and Gentiles came together to form one united body. Maybe my family traces back to Judaism. I don't understand the assumption - yet I get the idea I am supposed to understand this assumption.
Isn't it weird how you can be doing something that you've always done and suddenly you get the feeling that you aren't doing it right? I used to have this at work. My friend Lesley would get the call - "Hey, I'm using this method to calculate this and I don't think I've ever done right!".
All I know for sure is that I am taking a handkerchief up with me. I led the service last week and was sweating so much! The Pastor was in a golf shirt and was still too hot. I had visions of my first foray into preaching in my new preaching shoes (feminine yet not fussy, low heel, no nonsense) and a jacket. Ain't gonna happen!
PAP Smear
I titled this one for those with any amount of decorum to stay away.
The yearly PAP smear is a pain in the ass.
I went to a new doctor this time. My other doctor has too many patients, keeps a filthy office and has never been able to do the PAP efficiently. I usually end up having to go to a gyne/obs guy.
I hate going to the gyne/obs because of all those pregnant women. I can't explain it but I used to really be freaked out by pregnant women. I'm getting over it. Since becoming a Christian I have a whole different feeling about having children. But at the time it was really freaking me out. Pregnancy looks uncomfortable. Women have that weird waddling way of walking. The clothes are somewhat better than what you find in large sizes but are always cheaply made as if they will disintegrate at 9 months. I spent a lot of years ensuring I didn't get pregnant - sitting with the reproducing folks just gets me anxious.
The gyne guy was great. He didn't know why my own doctor had troubles - it took me longer to dress and undress than for him to do the exam.
My doctor later admitted that her speculum isn't long enough. So she sends me to a specialist 'cause he's got longer ones.
See, I'm a practial person. Just give me the freakin' catalogue and I'll order my own. I'll even let you use it on other people as long as it remains in the office.
So, in an effort to find a doctor with a clean office, who wouldn't continually forget to put things in my file and hopefully had a greater range of speculums, I changed to a very nice, quiet man. His receptionist comes in during the procedure - I figure why not. If its that interesting maybe we should broadcast it live to the waiting room.
Ah, but my gentle friend as the same difficulties. A lot of fiddling going on down there. I'm a visual person so all I can imagine is what is the problem? During some counselling sessions my therapist had me imagine a vacuum inside my centre to suck up all kinds of things and then put them in these containers. Suddenly, the image of these containers impeding his progress comes to mind. Then my mind drifts to treasure chests. The whole time he is very quietly saying "does it hurt?". I notice that he knows damn well that it hurt because he only says it after he has hurt me.
Anyhow, he got what he wanted. Typical. He was very apologetic and assured me that he is sure that I won't have to go back to the gyne. I thanked him. He said "My pleasure..." he stopped realising that that really isn't what you say. Not unless you are offering me a cigarette.
That was yesterday and today was the dentist. More poking and probing. Overall, the internal was a less nerve wracking experience. I hate it when the hygenist doesn't say "please" - all this "Open, wider", "Turn", "Close". I tried to explain this to a dentist who asked what made me anxious. Once you lay down in that chair you have really lost any control in the relationship. There are cutting instruments being used and I'm tilted into a chair. Its not like I can suddenly make a run for it.
The yearly PAP smear is a pain in the ass.
I went to a new doctor this time. My other doctor has too many patients, keeps a filthy office and has never been able to do the PAP efficiently. I usually end up having to go to a gyne/obs guy.
I hate going to the gyne/obs because of all those pregnant women. I can't explain it but I used to really be freaked out by pregnant women. I'm getting over it. Since becoming a Christian I have a whole different feeling about having children. But at the time it was really freaking me out. Pregnancy looks uncomfortable. Women have that weird waddling way of walking. The clothes are somewhat better than what you find in large sizes but are always cheaply made as if they will disintegrate at 9 months. I spent a lot of years ensuring I didn't get pregnant - sitting with the reproducing folks just gets me anxious.
The gyne guy was great. He didn't know why my own doctor had troubles - it took me longer to dress and undress than for him to do the exam.
My doctor later admitted that her speculum isn't long enough. So she sends me to a specialist 'cause he's got longer ones.
See, I'm a practial person. Just give me the freakin' catalogue and I'll order my own. I'll even let you use it on other people as long as it remains in the office.
So, in an effort to find a doctor with a clean office, who wouldn't continually forget to put things in my file and hopefully had a greater range of speculums, I changed to a very nice, quiet man. His receptionist comes in during the procedure - I figure why not. If its that interesting maybe we should broadcast it live to the waiting room.
Ah, but my gentle friend as the same difficulties. A lot of fiddling going on down there. I'm a visual person so all I can imagine is what is the problem? During some counselling sessions my therapist had me imagine a vacuum inside my centre to suck up all kinds of things and then put them in these containers. Suddenly, the image of these containers impeding his progress comes to mind. Then my mind drifts to treasure chests. The whole time he is very quietly saying "does it hurt?". I notice that he knows damn well that it hurt because he only says it after he has hurt me.
Anyhow, he got what he wanted. Typical. He was very apologetic and assured me that he is sure that I won't have to go back to the gyne. I thanked him. He said "My pleasure..." he stopped realising that that really isn't what you say. Not unless you are offering me a cigarette.
That was yesterday and today was the dentist. More poking and probing. Overall, the internal was a less nerve wracking experience. I hate it when the hygenist doesn't say "please" - all this "Open, wider", "Turn", "Close". I tried to explain this to a dentist who asked what made me anxious. Once you lay down in that chair you have really lost any control in the relationship. There are cutting instruments being used and I'm tilted into a chair. Its not like I can suddenly make a run for it.
When Coffee isn't Coffee
http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/newsletter/2006/cln60717.html
I'm a Seinfeld fan. Do you remember when George was asked up for a coffee and he refused? He had to get up in the morning. Later he exclaims "coffee wasn't coffee".
The above article is written by a guru in church circles. A lot of what he has to say is compelling. But when you invite someone for coffee - it should just be coffee - unless its sex.
These are the rules that normally people live by. And I now realise that this trick of inviting me to coffee because I think you just want to chat with me but really you want me to do something for you (yeah, yeah, I know its for God) has been implemented on me. Next time my church pulls this stunt, I'm gonna look the Pastor straight in the eye and say "if this ain't about coffee it better be about sex". That oughta free up my coffee schedule for people who want to talk to me and not sell me something.
Here's an idea. If you want someone to volunteer - just bloodly well ask them. Don't waste my time. There's a great bumper sticker out there - "As an atheist I don't have a problem with God, its his fan club I can't stand".
Rest assured, coffee with me is coffee. If it ain't I always tell you ahead of time.
I'm a Seinfeld fan. Do you remember when George was asked up for a coffee and he refused? He had to get up in the morning. Later he exclaims "coffee wasn't coffee".
The above article is written by a guru in church circles. A lot of what he has to say is compelling. But when you invite someone for coffee - it should just be coffee - unless its sex.
These are the rules that normally people live by. And I now realise that this trick of inviting me to coffee because I think you just want to chat with me but really you want me to do something for you (yeah, yeah, I know its for God) has been implemented on me. Next time my church pulls this stunt, I'm gonna look the Pastor straight in the eye and say "if this ain't about coffee it better be about sex". That oughta free up my coffee schedule for people who want to talk to me and not sell me something.
Here's an idea. If you want someone to volunteer - just bloodly well ask them. Don't waste my time. There's a great bumper sticker out there - "As an atheist I don't have a problem with God, its his fan club I can't stand".
Rest assured, coffee with me is coffee. If it ain't I always tell you ahead of time.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Angry, Angry Cat
My cat saw another cat outside and started freaking out. The first time she did this she woke us up and I sent Cliff downstairs convinced she was being hacked to death by some crazy cat murderer.
There is a cat that looks very much like her that will sit outside the living room window. She screams when she sees it. I mean it - its a scream. Today she was banging her head against the window in an effort to attack. I'm yelling at the other cat to get away but he ignores me. Finally I open the door to yell at it and he still wont' move. My cat and I are now outside. I'm in my under things. Finally the cat takes off. But wait - was it my cat that took off? Back into the house to put something a little more decent on. Thankfully I ended up with the right cat - but I admit I wasn't sure at first - especially when she started purring when I picked her up. She does not purr for me or sit on my lap. Only Cliff. I guess with him gone for a few days she figured she had to take what she could get!
There is a cat that looks very much like her that will sit outside the living room window. She screams when she sees it. I mean it - its a scream. Today she was banging her head against the window in an effort to attack. I'm yelling at the other cat to get away but he ignores me. Finally I open the door to yell at it and he still wont' move. My cat and I are now outside. I'm in my under things. Finally the cat takes off. But wait - was it my cat that took off? Back into the house to put something a little more decent on. Thankfully I ended up with the right cat - but I admit I wasn't sure at first - especially when she started purring when I picked her up. She does not purr for me or sit on my lap. Only Cliff. I guess with him gone for a few days she figured she had to take what she could get!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Caught in Kosher
I was foraging for food in Loblaws when I spied something I hadn't seen before. As a matter of fact I saw all kinds of frozen food that I hadn't seen before. New food options!! Just as I am getting really interested I spot gefilte fish.
For some reason, (which means due to my neurotic tendencies) I freak out if I accidentally start looking at Kosher food. I mean, its just not kosher. Its as if a pastor walked in and caught me staring at the porno shelf in the convenience store. I don't feel this way in the International aisle. I can pick up taco shells and sweet and sour sauce without feeling as though I'm in forbidden territory. But maybe that's the point. I highly doubt that anyone truly interested in authentic chinese sauces or Mexican food would be caught dead in the international aisle.
I have the same feeling if I am looking in regular sizes with my friend. I think people are wondering - "how the hell does she expect to fit into that?".
On Seinfeld I really liked the Elaine character - unfortunately at heart I'm really a George!
Blessings on your day!
For some reason, (which means due to my neurotic tendencies) I freak out if I accidentally start looking at Kosher food. I mean, its just not kosher. Its as if a pastor walked in and caught me staring at the porno shelf in the convenience store. I don't feel this way in the International aisle. I can pick up taco shells and sweet and sour sauce without feeling as though I'm in forbidden territory. But maybe that's the point. I highly doubt that anyone truly interested in authentic chinese sauces or Mexican food would be caught dead in the international aisle.
I have the same feeling if I am looking in regular sizes with my friend. I think people are wondering - "how the hell does she expect to fit into that?".
On Seinfeld I really liked the Elaine character - unfortunately at heart I'm really a George!
Blessings on your day!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Supersize Me in Death
www.oversizecasket.com
"Serving the needsof the Oversized Casket Community for 20 years!"
You know, it really bugs me that they called their business Goliath Casket Inc. and they are Christian. I get the fact that some of us need larger coffins then others. I like to think that Cliff isn't going to be forced to look around for a piano carton to throw me in. But it seems that we could be more sensitive. Just because you are Christian doesn't mean that you need to find a Biblical name for your company. I'd rather my coffin read Steinway then Goliath!
I won't even give you the web site address for the other site I found. They have put a camera inside a coffin - yes with the deceased quite visible - with the promise that they will not edit or turn off the camera. If you are curious enough, you can Google it and find it. See there is a fine line between funny - being buried in the Goliath brand coffin I think is funny. Watching the dust to dust part live on camera is just not funny.
"Serving the needsof the Oversized Casket Community for 20 years!"
You know, it really bugs me that they called their business Goliath Casket Inc. and they are Christian. I get the fact that some of us need larger coffins then others. I like to think that Cliff isn't going to be forced to look around for a piano carton to throw me in. But it seems that we could be more sensitive. Just because you are Christian doesn't mean that you need to find a Biblical name for your company. I'd rather my coffin read Steinway then Goliath!
I won't even give you the web site address for the other site I found. They have put a camera inside a coffin - yes with the deceased quite visible - with the promise that they will not edit or turn off the camera. If you are curious enough, you can Google it and find it. See there is a fine line between funny - being buried in the Goliath brand coffin I think is funny. Watching the dust to dust part live on camera is just not funny.
Scared of Clowns
www.ihateclowns.com
Okay, guys, I've gotta tell you - I'm scared of clowns. I see a clown coming and I'm off the other way. They really freak me out. Its because they are really just regular people but they are dressed up so you can't see the real them and then they do stupid things to make you feel like an idiot. I came across the site up top a long time ago - one day I'm getting the T shirt.
I also have a thing about anyone dressed up in costume - Care Bears, Pooh, - anything where I know they are going to pantomine with me. Ooohhhh - I hate mimes. They are obnoxious. When it comes to fight or flight, clowns make me run, mimes makeme want to hit them. I get worked up just talking about them. By the way, I have never actually seen a mime.
Scariest thing I saw - a clown driving on the 401. Its just so...unnatural.
Okay, guys, I've gotta tell you - I'm scared of clowns. I see a clown coming and I'm off the other way. They really freak me out. Its because they are really just regular people but they are dressed up so you can't see the real them and then they do stupid things to make you feel like an idiot. I came across the site up top a long time ago - one day I'm getting the T shirt.
I also have a thing about anyone dressed up in costume - Care Bears, Pooh, - anything where I know they are going to pantomine with me. Ooohhhh - I hate mimes. They are obnoxious. When it comes to fight or flight, clowns make me run, mimes makeme want to hit them. I get worked up just talking about them. By the way, I have never actually seen a mime.
Scariest thing I saw - a clown driving on the 401. Its just so...unnatural.
My Father vs McDonald's
McDonald's is an easy target. They thrive on conformity and rules. And as soon as you make the rules more important then common sense you get humour.
My Dad went into McDonalds every Sunday with his paper. He would sit there a long time after his meal and on one particular day he had a number of people come up to him wanting to take one of the sections of his paper. After refusing a number of people an employee came up to him and haughtily told him "Sir, the paper is for everyone and you have to share". My father set him straight that this was his paper and he didn't have to share it with anyone. This is the kind of situation that I find frustrating at the time and funny later. What the hell kind of people complain that some guy won't share the paper? Some 40 year old goes and tells some 16 year old employee that a customer won't share?? Get a back bone.
On of the other run ins at McDonalds was over the continually changing price of his meal. He would always order the Big Breakfast and an extra hash brown. The extra hash brown threw of the staff every time. They would bring the meal with only one hash brown. Dad would have to explain he wanted two. They would tell him that they thought he justed wanted the one that came with the meal. The next time he would tell them two hash browns and they would bring him three. And the price was never the same for the same meal. One day after playing the game of ordering the hash brown the meal came up really cheap. My dad told the clerk that the price was much lower than usual. She told him that she gave him the senior's price at which point my father explained he was not a senior. The clerk without a trace of sarcasm says "I thought you were a senior because you are so cranky".
My Dad went into McDonalds every Sunday with his paper. He would sit there a long time after his meal and on one particular day he had a number of people come up to him wanting to take one of the sections of his paper. After refusing a number of people an employee came up to him and haughtily told him "Sir, the paper is for everyone and you have to share". My father set him straight that this was his paper and he didn't have to share it with anyone. This is the kind of situation that I find frustrating at the time and funny later. What the hell kind of people complain that some guy won't share the paper? Some 40 year old goes and tells some 16 year old employee that a customer won't share?? Get a back bone.
On of the other run ins at McDonalds was over the continually changing price of his meal. He would always order the Big Breakfast and an extra hash brown. The extra hash brown threw of the staff every time. They would bring the meal with only one hash brown. Dad would have to explain he wanted two. They would tell him that they thought he justed wanted the one that came with the meal. The next time he would tell them two hash browns and they would bring him three. And the price was never the same for the same meal. One day after playing the game of ordering the hash brown the meal came up really cheap. My dad told the clerk that the price was much lower than usual. She told him that she gave him the senior's price at which point my father explained he was not a senior. The clerk without a trace of sarcasm says "I thought you were a senior because you are so cranky".
What Makes Me Laugh
First of all I do not laugh at the oppressed or marginalized in our society. Some people make a living of making fun of these people and I have never found it funny.
What makes me say Oh Dear or Oh My is:
Really ugly art, especially ceramics. Done by someone who really believes its beautiful. We're talking big busts of Elvis, paintings on black velvet. Chubby angels. Plastic geese dressed up for the holidays. Basically, your local flea market makes me laugh. The uglier, the more desperate and the higher the price and I'm off on a giggle fest. But there has to be someone with me. Like Lesley - where we just walk by the booth and go "Oh My".
People who think "they are all that" and actually look pretty stupid. The very proud woman walking around with toilet tissue stuck to her shoe. The macho guy who stalls after riding my ass up the street.
Signs. The "Pedestrians Walking" sign on the way to Owen Sound cracked me up everytime. The "caution flying rocks" sign in Nova Scotia on a road newly laid with gravel. Woah, Cliff slow down - there's flying rocks!
Stupidity. The radio station in the Annapolis Valley (AVR for anyone familiar with the area) was a constant source of amusement. They used to play American Pie which unfortunately continued on side 2 of the record. Rather than buy two records and key them up they used to put on a commercial or an announcement and then the song would come back on in the middle. They also played songs like "I Love My Truck", "She Got the GoldMine, I Got the Shaft". Another AVR moment - "Caution driving out there, the roads are wet and there are many falling leaves making it quite slippery".
What makes me say Oh Dear or Oh My is:
Really ugly art, especially ceramics. Done by someone who really believes its beautiful. We're talking big busts of Elvis, paintings on black velvet. Chubby angels. Plastic geese dressed up for the holidays. Basically, your local flea market makes me laugh. The uglier, the more desperate and the higher the price and I'm off on a giggle fest. But there has to be someone with me. Like Lesley - where we just walk by the booth and go "Oh My".
People who think "they are all that" and actually look pretty stupid. The very proud woman walking around with toilet tissue stuck to her shoe. The macho guy who stalls after riding my ass up the street.
Signs. The "Pedestrians Walking" sign on the way to Owen Sound cracked me up everytime. The "caution flying rocks" sign in Nova Scotia on a road newly laid with gravel. Woah, Cliff slow down - there's flying rocks!
Stupidity. The radio station in the Annapolis Valley (AVR for anyone familiar with the area) was a constant source of amusement. They used to play American Pie which unfortunately continued on side 2 of the record. Rather than buy two records and key them up they used to put on a commercial or an announcement and then the song would come back on in the middle. They also played songs like "I Love My Truck", "She Got the GoldMine, I Got the Shaft". Another AVR moment - "Caution driving out there, the roads are wet and there are many falling leaves making it quite slippery".
Check out a funny site.
You have to check out my brother's blog "Mookie's Last Hope". http://mookieslasthope.blogspot.com I'll warn you ahead of time he is gay so that if you have a problem with that, you may not like his perspective. What you will read there is what my blog would have looked like 10 years ago. Heck, even five years ago - with a bit more ranting.
I am no longer funny. Maybe I never was. My father was a riot, my brother is a riot. I lost my humour when I became a Christian. Part of it is the church I go to. They do not laugh. Never. Neither does my husband - I can honestly say he has only ever laughed once at anything I have ever said. I wish I could remember what I said. To be honest I don't find him funny either. His humour is more of the obvious kind - a brain damaged friend of his family finds him very, very funny. Ha! See that's my humour. I'm not supposed to poke fun of my husband and certainly not mention someone with brain damage. Now I don't drop jokes like that just anywhere - just where I am comfortable.
I am no longer funny. Maybe I never was. My father was a riot, my brother is a riot. I lost my humour when I became a Christian. Part of it is the church I go to. They do not laugh. Never. Neither does my husband - I can honestly say he has only ever laughed once at anything I have ever said. I wish I could remember what I said. To be honest I don't find him funny either. His humour is more of the obvious kind - a brain damaged friend of his family finds him very, very funny. Ha! See that's my humour. I'm not supposed to poke fun of my husband and certainly not mention someone with brain damage. Now I don't drop jokes like that just anywhere - just where I am comfortable.
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