The Underwear Bomber

The Underwear Bomber 0r Underpants Bomber. This is hardly the claim to fame he was looking for! Sounds like a toddler with toilet training issues. Or a fetish involving underwear and cherry bombs. I think this is a new way to punish "alledged" criminals - we give them embarassing names based on making fun of them. Shame is a huge factor in many cultures - Westerners have far too little of a sense of shame. Like when I get cut off in traffic and they give me the finger for their error.

After awhile we might get bored trying to come up with funny embarassing names. Give the job to 6 - 8 year olds. They have a fascination with making up phrases involving body parts or gross images.

What Page are We On?

One of the greatest distractions for a newcomer to a church is in trying to figure out just what is going on during the service. Many of my church services were in the Roman Catholic tradition which requires patience because until you have been to a number there is no way of knowing what you are supposed to be saying.

They give you a little book to follow but I give up trying to figure out the right response.

Going to church in the CRC was interesting as it was mostly laid out for you in the liturgy. The only fumbling comes from finding the hymn in the hymn book and looking to see if you sit or stand.

Now going to a prestigious Presbyterian church I figured it might be a bit more difficult but it isn't. The crowd is younger so Powerpoint is used for all of the song lyrics - we don't pick up a hymnal at all. Most people don't even use the bulletin. And there is little ceremony to what is going on.

So imagine my surprise when visiting a nearby Presbyterian church for a Christmas service to find that I was lost, confused and frustrated! I've preached, served communion, presided over communion, led readings, sung...all of the churchy things - but this service completely threw me.

There was a book for hymns, a book for responsive psalms and a liturgy that was pages long with mysterious bits written in along the margin for communion. I still don't know what the bits of carols in the margins were for. As we went to respond from the psalm book I quickly realized what was happening and found it - poor C (who is very familiar with Catholic services) could not figure out how people knew how to respond. The language was very "stained glass" - maybe it was poetic and touching - but I'm not a huggy kind of person so it just sounded odd to me. I leaned in and told C it was the most Roman Catholic service I had ever been too!

Then it was onto communion. We lined up for it. They use communion wafers. You take it with you back to your seat which makes me wonder why we don't just hand it out down the pews. But to get back to my seat (and to get into line for the communion) I had to go out the door at the back aisle and through another one a few aisles over - because the shape of the church means you either do that or shuffle past everyone seated who is not going up. So on my way back to my pew with my juice and wafer I have to leave the Sanctuary and go down the hall. This is the stuff that bothers me. Spending all that time on "stained glass talk", a hired tenor, candlelight carols but a communion that has lost the community feel as I leave the sanctuary and then reenter it carrying my meal with me. The whole point of communion is the community - its not some fast food drive through.

I didn't go for a show, I went to worship and take a memorial meal with a community of
believers. I generally don't like to complain about worship experiences because it is not about me and what I like but about God. It is hard to worship God when trying to navigate the culture of a church - something we should all make much more accessible during Christmas.

Organists - for LK

“The organ is the enemy of worship, as most Christians know. Scripture says, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ This is not the organist’s philosophy. Organists despise stillness. They’re sitting there with the organ equivalent of a 300 hp Ferrari and they want to put the pedal to the metal and make that baby fly.”

For Christmas I bought myself "Life Among the Lutherans" by Garrison Keillor. The quote comes from this book and nearly had me peeing my pants. It was twice as funny because I hung onto the book until after Christmas Day waiting to read it though it arrived in November. On Christmas Eve we went to a local Presbyterian church with a fine organist. I know nothing about what it should sound like but could tell from the ego and fancy footwork that this was supposed to be a treat.

They tenor they hired came and stood next to the organist and watched him at work for the Postlude. Now, I'm not musical but I have an idea of how to write a service and I am dying of curiosity of what that last musical number was. We had just finished with singing by candlelight and I expected a triumphant sort of processional. Whatever it was - I have to say it was frightening. Truly. It had the horror of Good Friday but without the respectful funereal style. I thought maybe it was me. But C and I discussed it and both had the same reaction - "What on earth was that!?" Sounded like the coming of Hell. I took the program home but alas it does not note what was the tune.

So when I read the lament of Cindy who is trying to sing along with the visiting organist I howled with laughter:

"But after the offertory Cindy lost her cool. He had decided that "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" was simply something he could not be personally associated with, a popular hymn, a hymn that these peasants knew practically by heart. No, he waved off the choir and instead played the offertory, some medieval-sounding thing with trumpets and sackbuts in it and dukes and the Marquis de Sade and armor clanking...."

I read this aloud to C a few days after Christmas Eve - we both agreed that this was a great description of whatever the piece was that was played - Marquis de Sade and all.

Garrison Keillor's public work is quite funny. His observations of Lutherans seem dead on for Ontarion CRC'ers. It must be a cultural thing more than a theological. Now that we are without cable C and I listen to his monologue through iTunes on from the Prairie Home Companion. I wish I had his talent!

I miss LK's approach to music. We sang There is a Redeemer yesterday in class but the pianist played all the verses. LK used to leave one verse silent and it was beautiful. I can see how people become attached to "the right way" of doing things!

Vicious Cat

Since we have sold the cottage we had to call and cancel the insurance. Which led to a review of our policy.

C tells me that the insurance company wanted to know if our cat is known for aggressiveness. I wish I had been the one to get that question because I would have asked for more info. We already have liability - please don't tell me that there is extra needed for if I have a nasty cat! Do we get a reduction in our premium since she is declawed*? Just how many claims do they have on this?

Now for my story.

My grandparents were given a cat to care for while the owner was away. According to the story I have received the cat was insane. It literally climbed up the walls via the curtains, and would attack people. Apparently the cat did not let up on his difficult behaviour and my grandfather had no choice but to help the cat along to a better place. This sounds completely bizarre and out of character for my grandfather - so either the cat was truly dangerous or there is something wrong with the story. Anyway, the person was told that the cat ran away. But the neighbourhood dog dug the cat up so the lie was exposed. I don't make this stuff up.

* before you get your knickers in a knot, please know that we got her from the shelter already sans claws.