I'm so confused....

I have finally figured out how to add a feed to my homepage. Sort of - I actually usually operate without a home page and now have one so I have my feeds accessible.

Technology has totally gotten ahead of me. I no longer know more than my friends and find myself totally confused outside of my safe zones on the Internet. I have also determined that my capacity for memorizing passwords and user ID's has been reached. I had to go into Yahoo to subscribe to flicker and realized that I didn't have a clue what my sign on was though I used to used to go into the church admin group all the time. I was able to pull it up - along with another username I have used in the past. Yahoo was trying to give me a Yahoo email address - what! I can't possibly take on another, I already can't keep up with the few that I have.

I have purchased a router to go wireless and a new printer/scanner. I haven't hooked either up yet and I have a vague feeling of panick at the thought. I'm sure something won't be compatible and I will face the frustration of trying to figure it all out.

Meanwhile, I really want to be able to create a very simple website - I'm thinking of taking a course with the TDSB but really, do I want to commit the time?

Ministry Update

I went to a church that is related to our church who is also searching for a pastor. They are smaller and much more diverse and could probably due with some help. I have offered to help behind the scenes somewhere - as long as its not with children or youth.

They were very quick to take my offer and I have already helped them go through a grant application for a summer student. I am hoping to get to sit in on a few meetings to give them an outsiders point of view - this will work well for both of us as I can do this with the understanding that I am a student so I can ask obvious questions without offending anyone and point out confusion again without offending. So I am looking forward to this and will see how it plays out.

I am still working in my role at my home church. I have to say I am concerned that the church is not going to continue in the vein they started in - the worship has already become dated in a short time and one of the rumoured offers to apply for the pastor's position is offered to someone who will not be able to continue the process that has been started. We will likely go backwards a bit of distance before we move forwards. I've also noted some of the younger more innovative people are gone.

I'll do my best on my end to keep us moving outwards and being salt and light!

What's Up

My phone line has an annoying crackling noise that comes in wet weather so it is a very time consuming and patience requiring process to get onto the Internet - if I get on I have to cross my fingers that I can be on long enough to get my messages downloaded before I lose the connection again.

So I am enjoying my half hour free access at the library! And enjoying free magazines - ooh, I miss subscribing to half a dozen magazines like I used to. My favourites are also expensive - like Harpers and the New Yorker (they keep cutting the price hoping I'll come back but I just can't justifiy it.

Also had my first mammogram today - at the insistence of a friend - I was going to wait for the 50 year mark. I guess being fuller has its advantages because I've had more painful moments sitting in front of the TV! It was a very good process - I got there a bit early and was actually out 3 minutes after my appointment time.

We started looking into those alarm buttons for people who risk falling. My mother-in-law insists she doesn't need one. We have a few weeks with her in Rehab to convince her - there is no way she should be living without one - she has fallen at least four times that we know of - twice breaking a hip.

I'll stick my ministry updates in a later post so people not interested can skip those - I will say that I think my sermon on Wednesday in class went well - we'll see what the prof says!

In Case You are Wondering

I don't know how it is that an elderly woman, on many meds and already having suffered a broken hip can be up walking around and ready for Rehab. I still have lots of questions about how she will manage at home - she is not feeble enough for a nursing home but really not totally safe on her own but it looks like she will beat all of the odds and be discharged in better condition then how she went in. This isn't a criticism of the hospital system but rather the nature of our frailities as humans. We end up injured with a tired body needing meds to keep everything in balance. Then we add the trauma of surgery, the possibility of post op infections and the emotional toll and you end up with some sad cases where the person's health is never really back to where it was.

Which means the stubborn nature of my mother-in-law has won out once again. She is already annoyed that we won't let her have a deep fryer and insist that she use her walker. Now she has proof that she is invincible. It should be an interesting conversation to convince her that she has to wear a panic alarm. I would hate to think of what would happen if she had fallen with no one around - especially since she tried to jump up right away and say she was alright though she obviously needed an ambulance!

Meanwhile, my own mother is determined to age before her time - 20 years younger and I'm convinced if she could she would buy one of those little scooters that whiz around you at the mall.

How Classy?

Standing on the street with a smoker - I noticed an adult video shop that strangely did not have the windows all covered up. It was downstairs from the street so from where I was standing I could see very little except for the bargain bin. As I pointed out, what on earth ends up in the bargain bin? The ones where the acting is really bad? Or maybe the ones where the plot is just too unbelievable?

After a few smoke breaks I finally noticed something else that must have been bugging me in the back of my mind. At the bottom of the stairs is a hanging plant. A fresh, live, healthy looking plant. I try to imagine the owner determining that a plant would be just the thing to show that this is one classy place. Amidst the sleaze and corrupt fantasies is this hint of natural life.

I have often ranted that I can not tolerate fake plants anywhere near a pulpit. It just bugs me that in a place where we are determined to hear the truth (even if we aren't ready for it) we try to jazz up the place visually with fake greenery.

So you can imagine I have found this hanging plant rather distracting....

The best place to chill.

I had a great time this week going to a local bar and hanging out. Regulars go to have a drink, shoot some pool and generally see what's up. Its like Facebook but in person - there are people you might have ties with and others that you only know by sight. In general converations ebb and flow based on the topic and who is there (and who isn't). Best of all the music isn't blaring, the bathrooms are clean and the bartender is on his A game - showing interest as your glass empties but not hovering.

Unfortunately I can't afford the empty calories to hang about all day. But it is Wi Fi capable and I do need a place to work out some of my sermons which take so long to get "just right". And its close to the subway. However, it is the personal haunt of someone close to me and so he has squatter's rights. Why can't there be more places like this?

Cottage Dreaming...

I have this dream. We own this modular home (trailer home for those in the know!) that is 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. It needs a lot of work - we have one room where we need the drywall replaced. I want to take out carpetting and replace it with linoleum in some areas and in others with wood.

I need to clean out the underneat, put up wainscotting around the outside while also ensuring proper ventilation - tons of vents given the square footage.

None of this work is possible for us because we just don't have a clue. C has done some work around the place which is not bad but for what we want we need professionals.

On the other hand, when we first bought the place we pictured it full every weekend and lots of weeks with people from the church and friends who would be interested in using it. Originally when we were looking around Prince Edward County I had imagined an older house that could be used by the local church for meetings if needed.

Now my dream is to find a family that could live in their and do the work in exchange for rent for a year. With the economy being what it is, maybe this is possible but it is so idealistic - I can't imagine a lawyer wanting to tackle this. How would we work out whether the work was fair in exchange - how would the person staying keep disciplined enough to keep on working while livng in there - how much gas will it cost me to heat the place? I keep thinking that this should be a good idea somehow. Maybe I just have to sink the money into it and then rent it out to recoup some of my expenditures.

Worse, the assessed value just went through the roof, I bought it for less then half the value it is now listed as. There is no way it is worth this, I can't imagine the land going for anywhere near that and mobile homes are a dime a dozen.

So, I am keeping this an open idea - maybe there is another plan similiar that I could put into place. If I had known that I would leave my job I never would have bought a separate property - at the time it was perfect for the few overlapping days off my husband and I had to get away - but now its an unused luxury.

Um, I guess I know what I'm doing.

Well, that was quick. After requesting prayer, I got a call that my mother-in-law has fallen and may have broken a hip. I have a feeling I know what I will be doing for the next while.

I'm very pragmatic. Which makes me seem cold. I found out at 4:00 and within forty minutes I have already alerted my husband and debated with my friend the legality of moving her money in our joint account out to my account. Yes, I know this is very unethical and I wouldn't likely do it but I do want to know my options. Since we handle her money and there is another sibling involved who will want to know where all the money went I need to be on top of options. In case you are wondering what this has to do with anything, well, if you end up going into long-term care the cost usually is more than what one can afford.

The question is is the meagre savings she have safe or will it be dipped into every month to pay the fee so that she has nothing left in order to have some spending money? I interned in a nursing home for a short time and was disappointed to see people forced to wear worn out clothing and nylons with runs in them because the trustee had not dropped off any funds to purchase new items. This was in one of the best (and expensive) nursing homes at the time.

On the other hand, from a strictly ethical point of view it is not fair for the tax payer to pay more for the institutional care because some (many) families start hiding the assets. Just because everyone does it doesn't make it right. So now the question is does long term care go after your cash on hand or just your monthly income. I'm off to find out.

This sounds very cruel to suppose that she won't be able to return home but this is her second broken hip (if it is broken) and if it is the same one I'm not sure how fast it will heal. Hopefully she will be able to return home but for those who have seen loved ones in a hospital you know that the motivation of the patient and the first week of rehab has a lot to do with the outcome. Not to mention that pneumonia is a very common side effect of these injuries which tends to lengthen the length of stay and screw up the opportunity for rehab. Hopefully she will be able to fight off all these things but I've been working with hospital data too long not to know that this is not the best scenario. Its also a Sunday, bad day to be admitted - OR's open tomorrow with a full schedule, specialists are on call and you may not get a bed until Monday morning -since any empty beds from Friday were grabbed up by Saturday morning. The best thing to do is hang around the place like a vulture making yourself helpful to the nurses (doing all the niceties of care) but also checking every detail so nothing gets missed.

Hurry up and wait.

I think I'm in the Hurry Up and Wait stage of my journey - again. After being overloaded with too much work, I now have very little to do at the church. In fact they are having an introduction to missional churches being hosted by Home Missions which given the events before January I would have expected to be helping out with. I was supposed to be sitting on that committte and though I have been told by those with inside knowledge that my name was forwarded and approved I have not heard anything more. Not to mention my whole degree at school is focused on missional thinking. I have more background then the presenter just from the fact of living it for a year and a half in my studies.

Instead, I was specifically notified to come and yet I can't say my heart is in it. Without a pastor and being in the middle of the pastoral search this seems a strange time to introduce new ideas to the church. I think we need a breather to figure out who we are before we decide where we want to go.

My own covenant with the church is pretty much gone. After the fiasco of handling my proposal for a sermon which was not considered "acceptable" I have withdrawn from preaching. Even if the sermon outline was as bad as that there is a way of handling these disputes and this was not handled properly whether a fellow parishioner or in this case an ordained elder. I have been urged to take it formally to Council but have felt the way the winds are blowing and can see that this is a big blow up waiting for a venue.

Anyhow, as a student I seek a mentor. Someone who will guide me and give me more perspective but not cut me down at the knees with little help to get back up. This is not the place and I suspect not the right city. I have contacted the rep once again who is supposed to guide me in all things Calvin and have gotten no response.

I'm so well aware that there is a much easier path - one of the churches that his highly recommended by the Baptists as being missional is looking for an associate pastor - one of the roles is to provide pastoral care to the elderly and women. The elderly is by best area of pastoral care - no mention of teens which are completely out of my league. I'm not sure that I would apply for this position but could put forward my name as an intern willing to pick up the extra that this new position can't handle and perhaps they would be happy to have a student with some background.

It seems easy doesn't it? Here's a church that has been in the back of my mind ready to expand its staff and yet I'm leary. I'm not convinced that I'm done with this annoying denomination yet. The fact that it annoys me so much keeps me feeling like I'm here because I see the promise of the people that our theology and sense of "right" keeps us from releasing.

This refusal to go the easier route drives my friends crazy who see my stubborness as some form of selfpunishment - I understand that but this isn't like other jobs.

So, I'm in between again. I have missed more church since December then I ever have in my life. Cliff is ready to go somewhere else and I am just trying to figure out what to do next. I don't want to push ahead where I need to be patient and yet don't want to sit still - especially if I am not feeling the same way about my church. The problem with church is that I normally believe that you stick it out wherever you are because that is your community. But professionally, I don't know what more I can learn here expect more patience. Somehow I have to force my butt into the pew!

I'M NOT DUTCH!

Sorry for yelling, but I'm not Dutch.

I have served in my church for six years and in that time there has been a lot of work to try to move the congregation away from describing the church as Dutch but to recognize that there are other cultural traditions present and that newcomers are unlikely to be Dutch.

So why is it on a day where we are preaching Ephesians which is a book which talks of the unity of Christians under Christ and the day when we take our monthly communion with all the saints that have gone before us that partway through the sermon the preacher refers to "our Dutch work ethic"?

Huh? I guess that is different then my Canadian work ethic, or my Christian work ethic? If I stook up in church and referred to my white-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant (WASP) work ethic we would quickly see how exclusionary that is.

That's not as bad as the evening service where I was told that we should be up in arms because our university appointed a Muslim in charge of Muslim Studies. Nope, not UofT or York or even Calvin but the University of Amsterdam!

What on earth is the "Dutch work ethic"? I'll have to Google it.