What on Earth Am I Doing?

Its been difficult trying to explain what I am in doing in the Masters of Divinity program that I am in. We finally have a website up and running - the program has been quietly whirring away in its first years getting its feet and not it is ready to have a modest web site.

Here's where you go:

http://www.tyndale.ca/seminary/inministry/index.php

There are lots of links about what it means to be missional too - its not evangelism and its not about outreach per se - its more about getting out into the community treating our community just like a mission field in Africa or China. You don't build a church overseas and expect people to just show up...

Just for You EK

This is for my friend EK who I believe will enjoy the humour along with all of my regular friends who I already know love this kind of humour.

Check out foundmagazine.com

It has been around for a while and is basically just stuff people have found on the street - letters, pictures and such. Its like viewing life through people's scribbles and its fun trying to imagine what these bits of info mean....

Miracle Salt

Well, Peter Popoff couldn't wait for me to send my money to annoint me with the blessing that is in store for me - he has now sent me a bag of Miracle Dead Sea salt. See my blog on the Miracle Water if you haven't read it.

I got a little tiny baggie of salt - I'm supposed to put some on my tongue and mail my money off.

Peter is very anxious about me because in another letter not connected with the whole Miracle Water project he has told me that he has seen satan in a vision talking to two of his evil doers as I passed by with a loved one and that they are plotting to destroy me financially and one of my relationships. Suddenly he has upped the ante because this letter wants 200 dollars as seed money to show God that I am obedient to Him. Then, once the money is sent Peter has been annointed to change my life - he isn't ready to tell my how much money I will receive but he addresses the letter to all those in the Million Dollar Club.

I'm really looking forward to the coming weeks - I think there will be lots more opportunities coming to me.

Women In Ministry

I had my counsellor (MDiv appointed requirement - for everyone, not just me) as if I am uncomfortable that the prof has not come out on one side or the other regarding women in leadership within the church.

I really don't care. He's here to teach and is a careful theologian and has spent time on the issue. To teach here you have to sign a declaration that you accept that women will be taking classes and to uphold that right. That's enough for me.

I have read both sides of the argument and I can understand both sides. I have a calling and that is what I have to go by. It may not be the best answer (after all the devil is a cunning liar) but I certainly tested the call enough to stand by it.

I guess I look at the women in my class and think "what, what great leaders" - I'd love to have some of their qualities.

I am so fortunate not to carry this burden of feeling the need to prove myself to others as a woman - I'm too busy trying to prove myself as a person that I don't have time to worry about the rest. Maybe this is part of my problem -maybe I need to start understanding that when people see me they see gender and I need to work to extinguish that.

My own bias, I'm not crazy on women preachers - its there delivery that throws me off - I like a distinct - this is the way it is and I don't think we have encouraged women to deliver a speech that way - again - I think this is what gets me into trouble. My brother Ian can say the most direct blunt thing and people see him as being decisive. I can't even go as far as the things he says and I get that I'm shutting people down or I'm a "strong woman". Show me the weak man I'm supposed to emulate!

Puppies in a Box

It's a rather ominous title but don't fear - these are live, skittish, puppies we're talking about.

I was asking one of the pastors that works with youth what the deal was with young people and the touching, hugging business. I noticed it my first day here and it still freaks me out - guys hugging guys, girls holding hands, big hugs and just lots of touching. Non-sexual of course but very touchy-feely - which is not me. I have hugged people more since becoming a Christian then all the other years put together.

Anyhow, on my way back from the caf there are two girls sharing a chair, one with her head on the other and the other stroking her hair. I asked 'what gives - is this some Christian thing or is it a youth thing?" I have been assured that it is a youth thing - kids nowadays like to touch. Gross - in my day I 'll have you know that the boys sat with one chair between each one of them at the theatre. And the closest I got to a girl was when we threw our purses down on the ground and danced facing each other in a circle. Stroke my hair? - you better be buying me dinner!

As he describes it, the youth of today are like puppies in a box and I have to say its a pretty apt description. Of course I have never seen this in my home church because any sign of affection, or warm emotion is met with a very distant look - like "Gee did I leave the oven on?". And crying! Forget it - I have had entire conversations where I have been crying and its just ignored - like spinach in your teeth. Which unfortunately makes me cry more because whatever made me cry is still be talked about like its no big thing....

I'd make a lousy youth leader - I mean the occasional hug and tears I can stand but puppy love is just so discomforting.

Church Rant

I haven't really gotten around to calling people, havent'really wanted to talk about it.

I'm bummed with my hunt for a church. Now I have to be careful with this because many of the people reading this are waiting for me to give them a good reason not to think about God and church and all that.

But church is a bunch of people. Just like at a bar. Ian hangs with people at the bar and they have discussions, fall outs and politics. Don't get him started about the darts group! Bars are more tolerable because even if you don't drink you can laugh at the ones who do. But church is crazy because we think it should be different. Of course it should, the people should be kinder and more loving to one another. And for the most part we are better than the average bar - because if we are authentic you see us at our worst - when we are ourselves - or like the nice guy who gets obnoxious after a few beers. Yet we keep coming back to see each other.

The problem is that the church building and its people do a lousy job of advertising what the whole point of showing up is. Without God, church would be hell. A bunch of people that you wouldn't want to sit next to on the bus singing together, meeting and making decisions together and discussing important topics like religion together. Its like one long day at work without the salaries and the risk of losing a job to keep everyone in line and there is no retirement to look forward to.

That's what you need to know about church. We are there, most of us anyways, because we love God and church is where we go to worship him and tell him how we feel about him and what he has done in our lives. It makes no sense to someone who doesn't love God how anyone could stand going to church. Just like those freaky beauty pageants for three year olds make absolutely no sense to those of us who see them for the very scary demented hobby that they are.

Yes, there are people in church who haven't experienced God personally. I admire them for showing up every week because they think they should. But the majority of us are there because we have to be there - its where we belong and we just have to learn how to love each other.

My frustration is that the very institution that is used to gather those who worship God is not geared for people who want to find out about religion. There are shops in Bayview Village that I would never have the courage to look in - I don't have the style, the figure or the cash. Why would I expect people who don't know God want to come into church and poke around? Well, I don't. So my frustration isn't with church and the politics - its with what I can't seem to get done with church.

I am ready to go out and be Christ's hands and feet and hopefully say some things that he would approve of in an effort to let people know how loving God is and how this crazy stuff I believe is so true to me. But I don't know how to do it by myself and I can't seem to find a church ready to do it with me.

So while I sort this out, I'm quiet about church and my calling. I'm trying to get my head together which means listening for God's leading. I'm sure I'm a paradox to many of you - you see how passionate I am and frustrated at the same time. It's not church or God - its trying to fit it all together.

I'm Gonna Be Rich - Miracle Water

I've been feeling fed up with the institution of church. But now I can put things into perspective.

I'm a sucker for those tele evangelist shows. The crazier they are the better. I sit and exclaim over and over - "why do people watch this crap!".

Well Rev. Popoff has some amazing miracle water. It comes in a plastic tube and you drink it to receive your miracle. After watching a series of women exclaim that they drank the water and received the blessing of unexpected money I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have some. I needed to know what this package would look like and how slick would it have to be for someone to actually believe the good ole' Rev.

Cliff refused to call for me. Usually he will do something like this for me albeit reluctantly. Not this time. I had to call myself. See, I didn't want the person on the other end of the line to think that I was really into this sham but on the same hand I wanted to get my miracle water so I could have a peek at this whole industry.

Didn't matter in the end - the good rev has his own outgoing message, all I needed to do was leave my name and address and my prayer request. I didn't leave a prayer request because it seemed wrong to make fun of that part! I did use my maiden name though because I really don't want this stuff going to my real name.

I got my miracle water today! It was very exciting to read that Rev. Popoff is well acquainted with the very hard place that I am in in my life right now. As God's prophet he has guaranteed me that I have great blessings coming to me on January 5th, 2008. He is also very interested that I trust in God's promises and give a seed offering to God to the tune of 17 dollars. Then God will shower me with all of the blessings that I've got coming to me.

Sadly this is only one part of this tommyrot. The rest is that I must sleep with my miracle water on the floor next to my bed and drink it tomorrow morning. Okay, not a chance. The water has supposedly come from some spring revealed to a priest and his followers in Russia folllowing the Chernobyl accident.

As soon as my 17 dollars hits the Rev's pocket he will send me even more blessings. In the meantime, I have a second envelope to open after I have done all the miracle water stuff. I was warned not to open it yet but well I'm not very obedient. Inside is another long winded letter indicating that I am so truly blessed and set apart by God for some incredible events. I just need to show my absolute willingness to bless God with 27 dollars. Oh yes, I also have a piece of silver mylar - looks a bit like a piece of tinsel that I have to tie around my wrist and sleep with - only for one night. I send that and the money. The rev needs the tinsel because he feels powerfully called upon to pray through something that I have worn.

Now if anyone is confused enough to do the first letter I can only imagine what kinds of stuff they want to send with the second letter. If you really believe he is going to hold this stuff in his hands and pray through it wouldn't you send him something like your underwear or t shirt or something that you have actually lived in?

We are just waiting to see what stuff gets sent to us now. Not only will there be all of the pleas for my money from this guy but I bet I get on some really weird mailing lists.

It cost this guy 1.30 to send all this to me, plus the cost of the materials and the late night advertising. People must be so gullible - and it makes me sad because he has twisted the Gospel so much that people are apt to blame God for not receiving their riches rather then this sleazy operator.

A Whole Aisle of Weird Bread

Okay, I wrote about the weird bread once before - you know the European style bread that sits on the ledge by the Deli counter. You don't get a whole loaf - they come in little half size bags and they look like you could replace the soles of your shoes with them.

Anyhow, I went to Highland Farms and experienced a whole new shopping experience. I'm really sensitive to my cultural surroundings and new I was in the wrong store from the front door. Its very European and it has a whole aisle devoted to the weird bread. I still didn't see anyone buying it but there certainly was a lot to choose from. The deli counter was packed with people waiting to be served - 3 deep in places - I guess they needed to move the bread so it wouldn't get squashed!

Anything for a Dollar

Okay, the Dollar Stores have gone over the top. I love looking in there and rarely get out without some kind of purchase. I feel guilty because I suspect that most everything in there is the result of low wages in some stuffy factory. And some of the stuff you can get elsewhere for far less then a dollar. Too think I used to shop in real stores!!

Bandages, makeup, denture containers are not unusual. But I saw a home pregnancy kit. Just how accurate are one of these? If you are that strapped for cash maybe you should go to the doctor and get a lab requisition. It just seems weird to buy one at the dollar store. How important is it that you know for sure?

You can learn a lot about a neighbourhood by the things sold in the stores. One Shopper's in a special area of Toronto keeps the condoms up at the front. Partly to prevent stealing but mostly so the purchasers are repeat customers and don't have a lot of time.

A Giant Tiger out in Ottawa used to keep the airplane glue at the counter. I like Giant Tiger so I'm hoping it was to ensure it was being purchased for the right reason and not for the sniffers to find it easier.

In BC we looked all over for gravol and couldn't find any. It was behind the counter because the local kids were taking it to get stoned.

If you notice that razor blades are often up at the front its because they get shoplifted alot, that and batteries. I have no idea why.

If you think I seem to know way too much about what's in stores its partly because I love looking in stores but mostly because my brother worked retail for a long time and I worked counting inventory for some time (a whole blog in itself - I've got stories!). Since becoming Christian and going on a mission trip I don't have the irresitible urge to spend like I used to but I still have the love of window shopping!

Dangerous Google Searches

My cat's bum is looking a little sore. I don't know why and not wanting to risk an expensive vet visit for something I can treat with products from the Dollar Store I decided to Google it.

Well I always google with just a few nouns and verbs. I never bother trying to look for a specific site unless I have one in mind.

I googled

bald anus

Yup, without thinking I hit enter and off I went on an extremely interesting journey! I'm sure my IP address is now tagged by the RCMP.