Not Ready to Minister?

Interesting meeting.

What do you do if you feel you have been called to ministry and have followed the call for years only to be told that your church won't recommend you for seminary? The funny thing is I'm already in seminary! They won't recommend me to finish a program within the CRC - well they will but only with reservations. I have to join with some people who will work with me for a year.

See, I'm moody and not always cheerful or whatever it is a pastor is supposed to be.

The funny thing is that the ones suggesting that I need to journey with people for accountability don't already know that I have been doing this for a year.

So obviously, I'm a lost cause. I don't have the right goods to enter seminary. Calvin has high standards is what I'm told.

Here's the funniest part. I am obviously disturbed as I was about to seek a job as an associate pastor somewhere. I stated that this is a huge issue and I don't know what I am going to do about looking for work. I HAD TO EXPLAIN WHY HOW THE LACK OF APPROVAL FOR SEMINARY HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME GETTING A JOB!

I don't feel good about going out and getting a job in pastoral ministry when I am obviously not seen as suited for seminary (without reservations that is).

I'm in trouble anyhow. I told one of the people in the meeting that he was being a bully and defensive. He was upset about something and kept slamming his hand on the table which I found very intimidating and then it just pissed me off. He suggested that I'm the bully! Huh? ("I know you are but what am I"?).

So pray for me - for clarity. I want to honour God in what I do. The thing is whether in ministry or any other job I have the same personality. Its not like its okay to be "unChrist-like" in other settings. So what do I do - get a lobotomy? Work the night shift at the morgue? Help me out with your prayers because I'm just not sure anymore and I can't make any decisions right away.

Take my rant with humour - I'm really hurting!