Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig Are Different People

I just remembered as I was watching Bugs Bunny. Bugs is one of my favourite characters – as a child I was fascinated by how smart he was. I now understand this to be wit and cleverness.

I was watching Elmer Fudd the day before and Porky Pig today and I suddenly remembered (I figured this out once before sadly) that they are completely different characters. For crying out loud they are not both pigs even. For some reason as a child I think I thought that Porky Pig was the hunter Elmer Fudd when he wore clothes. This is why I can never be put in a police line up. I’m lousy with faces and names. Can you see the resemblance? They are both short, pink and have a problem with speech. That’s close enough for me.

Now you know why I can't keep anyone's name straight!

Christ is Dead!

A rather shocking title don't you think. In some traditions Christians on Easter Sunday will greet each other with "Christ is risen!!" with the response "He has risen indeed!". It makes sense that the first thing you would say to another is this amazing fact - how could anything else come into your mind?

But on Good Friday we recognize Christ's death but we don't shout about it. But maybe we should. If Christ didn't die then he didn't arise - and if he didn't rise from the dead then we are in a lot of hot water. God would be pretty angry with us for following Jesus if in fact he wasn't the Messiah. And considering what we have done in Christ's name - which is shameful enough - we would truly be cursed.

I couldn't stand it when people on the bus or the subway would sit next to me and say "Jesus loves you". I wonder how I would have felt if people on the Saturday after Good Friday sat down and said "Christ is dead" with a big grin on their face. That's the thing. I would be just as uncomfortable with that statement! Its not that non-Christians have a problem with "Jesus loves you" so much as they have a problem with anyone coming and pushing their viewpoint on them while travelling somewhere. It's like "Do you have life insurance?", "Abortion kills" or "Do you have the time?". The last one is directed at Torontonians - the first reaction is wide eyed fear until they hear that all they are being asked to do is look at their watch!

Which reminds me. After moving here my brother and I were walking with my father down Yonge Street near Dundas. This women walks out of a doorway and asks by brother for the time. He stops to answer and my father grabs him and says "He's only fifteen!". He was laughing as he told us that she didn't want the time but his time! I'm still not convinced she was a hooker. My brother is good looking but he didn't have the look of having a dime!

The Answer is Moops!

In a great Seinfeld episode there is an argument as the answer for a Trivial Pursuit question is supposed to be "Moors" but reads "Moops". George, being George, refuses to accept the correct answer.

Can you imagine playing Trivial P. with someone who remembers that she was cheated by her family of a correct answer over 20 years ago! That would be my mother who insists that in answering the question what does SNAFU stand for insisted that it was "Situation Normal, All Fouled Up". Well the answer didn't use the polite "fouled" and she insisted that this was the correct version of the term. Being a military brat I had heard this term used many times with the proper f word. I would have credited it to her if she simply didn't want to use the rude word - but she insisted the game makers were wrong.

I had forgotten about this until tonight - when she again argued that "thousands of her friends" know that it is "fouled up". Apparently everyone growing up in the 50's knows this.

There are reasons why I don't go for games of intelligence with my mother. She can't stand being wrong or worse being wrong when someone else is right!

Is this on the exam!

Did you hear about the Nova Scotia tall ship that went down that is a floating school? The students were stuck in dinghy's waiting for rescue for 40 hours. Apparently they sang Disney songs to keep morale up - hmm, sounds like torture to me!!

What do you suppose children who learn in this unique way are like? I imagine there is a keener asking the whole time they are evacuating "Will this be on the exam?".

C'mon - no one died so I can make a little joke!

Vicious Cat

Since we have sold the cottage we had to call and cancel the insurance. Which led to a review of our policy.

C tells me that the insurance company wanted to know if our cat is known for aggressiveness. I wish I had been the one to get that question because I would have asked for more info. We already have liability - please don't tell me that there is extra needed for if I have a nasty cat! Do we get a reduction in our premium since she is declawed*? Just how many claims do they have on this?

Now for my story.

My grandparents were given a cat to care for while the owner was away. According to the story I have received the cat was insane. It literally climbed up the walls via the curtains, and would attack people. Apparently the cat did not let up on his difficult behaviour and my grandfather had no choice but to help the cat along to a better place. This sounds completely bizarre and out of character for my grandfather - so either the cat was truly dangerous or there is something wrong with the story. Anyway, the person was told that the cat ran away. But the neighbourhood dog dug the cat up so the lie was exposed. I don't make this stuff up.

* before you get your knickers in a knot, please know that we got her from the shelter already sans claws.

Would you like to keep your urine?

I handed over my urine for testing ketones as part of my diet. After she was finished the clerk asked me "Would you like to keep your urine?". Oh My. Why would I want to. Seeing my puzzled look she offered "or would you like me to throw it?".

Uh, yeah, throw it. She seemed a bit surprised and I noticed that there was no other urine bottles in the waste basket. I could only picture people carrying their urine home to store for future posterity. But why?

When I booked my next appointment I understood why. I need to pay 25 cents if I want to buy a collection container.

She wasn't asking if I wanted to take my urine home, she was asking if I wanted to keep the container! Of course it would be up to me to dump the urine and clean it out. I wish it had been more clear. Could have saved a quarter.

Apparently the containers do not have to be sterile. You can use a container from home. Juice glass?

I think I'm screwed...

So many things converged to one incident that I have to take responsibility for:

1) My cat loves to drink my pop. I do not like her drinking my pop, especially if she chooses to stick her foot in it. I know where that foot has been! So isn't it cute to give her a little bowl of water to drink while I drink my pop?

2) So help me if that phone is ringing because D has another question about this vacuum I'll scream - as I lunge to get to the phone because C is sleeping - the water sloshes over the side of the bowl

3) Which I don't notice until I come back to the laptop and notice water dripping out of one of the ports.

It has totally died. With the beginnings of my paper on Cyprian in there. I feel incredibly guilty because we bought it second hand for my course. I don't use it much for that but it is an incredible stupid move on my part.

Many times I have thought, "should I move that water?". Thinking without action is of much use!

Rye! This isn't toast!

Having ordered by breakfast toast and being delivered rye I was very quick to politely ask for white! I am not wasting my birthday carbs on rye toast - normally I would just eat it rather than return it.

I have already discovered that I have been accidentallly cheating - I found these really great (its all relative) wafer cookies with some kind of odd "icing" in the middle that looked okay on the diet. It now turns out that I am only allowed two during the day. I'm saving them for when I crave a doughnut. I got into the habit of coffee and doughnuts and not having that doughnut is tough.

I went to a health food store and thought about how I was thrown together with others who form distinct groups that don't necessarily approve of each other:

the organic nuts
the diabetic/low carb nuts
the "I won't eat anything with a face" nuts
the severe allery sufferers (truly there as a last resort)

Its harder to pick out the allergy sufferers - unless they are poring over the gluten free stuff. In the cosmetics section they could be the vegans.

The diabetic/low carbs is pretty easy to pick out. Like picking out the whore at the cottillion. Fat, middle aged with a slightly resigned look on their face. We know we are not part of this world - we are simply grabbing from it what we can.

The organic/vegans are hard to identify. There are probably vegans which are both. There are likely organic people that lean towards vegetarianism if only because it is hard to get truly free range animal parts!

So we are all in the store wandering around, some perhaps blissfully unaware that we have been grouped together not because we support one another's version of healthy eating but because we are in it for ourselves. The fact that I notice the other nuts there makes is obvious that I am the worst offender. I just suspect the vegan would not be pleased to know all of the delicious animal toppings I am going to try on my bran crispbread!! A very nebulous "unity in diversity".

TOAST!

Yum. I have decided on my birthday treat- breakfast out with husband and brother. We go to the same place all the time - eggs, meat, home potatoes, toast, coffee. So as a treat I'm going to do that. I can refuse the juice, get peameal for the bacon and hold the homefries and even use Sweet and Low in my coffee, but I have to have the toast. I always do the same thing - as soon as the food arrives I get the marmalade spread onto my toast to sink in. 9 hours to go!

Bran Crisps - Yum!

This is supposed to be the cracker/bread to answer the dreams of those of us who must have our breads in order to feel full. Because they are actually allowed on this very restrictive stage of my diet, I drove a very far way to get them - 40 minutes north of the city!

At over 3 bucks for 12 pieces they aren't cheap. Now I admit by the day 3 of no bread I broke the pack open on my way back to the city. Dangerous move I won't do again. Since they are 85 percent bran you could say they are a little dry. Look at this from the website:

GG Bran Crispbread stays extra fresh when stored in the freezer, and does not need to be defrosted for use.

The fact that they do not need defrosting tells you just how dry they are when you eat them. Now, I will admit that they are filling and they are a far better solution then grabbing a piece of toast. But to say that I am excited and happy is a bit much. And I have noticed that the recipes using them contain ingredients not allowed in this phase - like strawberries, cottage cheese, cream cheese, cheese, tomatoes ..... I tried sticking a slice of chicken on top but really there is no fooling my brain or my mouth into thinking that these are in any way, shape or form a replacement for a slice of bread. They fill a need. At this point I can actually taste the sugar in the celery so its not like I'm being super critical.

I have been considering my birthday tomorrow trying to decide if I will just stick to my diet or if I will break and allow something. Like one slice of pizza. Or a cupcake. Or a piece of toast with butter and peanut butter. C is likely going to the cottage to open it up - I'm not interested until the snake check is done and the toilets have water in them. Wimp.

Professional Words

I was talking to a friend about doing some pulpit supply over the summer. I forget that we often use words that are very familiar in one profession but completely unknown in another.
She thought that I was saying that I would be travelling around selling pulpits to churches over the summer. Logical assumption and I'm open to new ideas :)


Which reminds me of a story from C. In medical circles an "MI" is a myocardial infarct - that is a heart attack. In policing circles an "MI" is an mentally insane/imbalanced person. These terms are used so commonly that they just come out without remembering that they are professional lingo that not everyone knows.
Down at the Coroner's Office a woman came to the front desk who was obviously not mentally well wanting to check to see if she was dead. A person involved with policing went to one of the docs in the office hoping to find someone who could figure out what to do with this woman as she obviously needed help. So he said "Hey, I've got an MI down at the front desk can you help me". The coroner heard - "Hey, I've got a heart attack down at the front desk" as he explained later, "I haven't treated a live patient in ages!"

Things are what they seem...

Here's a story from long ago. This one is for my other L friend - LH who knows how I can get into a righteous rant!

I was volunteering and on a certain evening we had a legal aid clinic that offered some free advice. The lawyer who came in was a nice man - didn't really get to know him but he seemed pleasant enough. He worked in a little room to the side of our counter.

One day he is working and my coworker comes back from the room and says "Sorry, I just had to tie Joe's shoe for him". Well I was infuriated. Where did this lawyer get off thinking that he can ask volunteers to tie his shoes! Really! Was it because some of the volunteers had no choice but to do as asked? I was in a righteous rant. Suddenly I realised that I was getting a bemused look from my coworker. He says:







"You know he only has one arm don't you?"




Um, no I didn't. I had worked with this guy for a long time and never noticed that one of his arms was a prosthetic with no function. I was extremely thankful he hadn't asked me to tie his shoes!!

McDonald's is Disgusting! Clowns - Scary!

Yeah, I know you already knew this. For years you have wondered why anyone would spend money on this junk.

Ah..I was an addict. The thought of a Big Mac all warm with that sauce! and those fries!

Well the fries are now done in the new oil so they don't have that clogging artery taste they used to have. And well the Big Mac was very disappointing. The patties have gotten smaller (!) and the whole thing was rather disappointing. Then I saw the bill - 4.09 for a Big Mac! 1.99 for the large fries and 1.79 for the pop.

See, I'm broke. Suddenly the price of the food has become a relative notion. What was once cheap is now expensive. I could buy real meat for that price! And water is free.

So, I have joined the ranks of the living who have always understood Ronald McDonald to be a typical clown - happy and smiling with an evil heart. I really have a problem with clowns. I find them very disconcerting and the more friendly and caring they are the more they freak me out. I have a friend who claims that all pastors are thieves and kiddy diddlers. Of course I dispute this for pastors - but I believe this about clowns! No wonder Grimace is neurotic!

For the clown lovers out there - you recognise a hardened heart and that no amount of teaching will help. Perhaps one day the clown spirit will enlighten me.

For those who understand:

Lent - Eating for Cheap

So for Lent this year we are giving up eating out. So far we haven't managed to keep to this as we were behind in getting groceries, but tomorrow we start. Except if we go out with friends or if we are severely behind in getting a meal - then we'll do something like Subway. So today grocery shopping was a real event - not just picking up a few items but actually planned meals. We got great deals on meat - only because we filled up on the discounted items - you know the ones that have the little sticker with a buck or two savings. I don't care - we freeze it right away (and sniff it before we freeze it just in case!). But it does feel weird going through the cash with all this discounted meat. Years ago we used to shop with my parents and this was when "no name" items were still a newer idea. My father marvelled at how my cart was filled with black and yellow boxes - all no name. His cart is top of the line, tried and true brands that they stuck with for 20 years. I tried to tell him that its mostly the same brands anyway but he couldn't bring himself to buy the generic!

The other thing I am going to try to give up is tv - I'm too embarassed to say how much time I spend in front of it - part of it is because I'm addicted to my Nintendo DS spider solitaire game - since I'm playing the game whatever crappy show is one is fine until a better one comes on. I have run out of mainstream shows so I am not watching channels I normally would not watch!

As for the picture - not mine but I swear that the person who posted it on flicker must have been in the same "grocery store" as I was in up in cottage country - frightening!

Do you see what I DON'T See?

Look closely at this log - do you the manger scene? C'mon, look again - don't you see Mary and some animals?

Here is a quote from the people who have listed it on ebay

"IT IS NOT A FAKE.(because it contains all of the images in the coming of baby jesus, many have accused us of altering or manufacturing this image.) It can be verified by any method that you so choose...it is quite real. We did nothing to it except take the photos."

Yeah, actually, I don't think its fake.

I'm sorta back...maybe

I haven't blogged in ages. Mostly because I hit a time where I just didn't want to talk about anything. Then I hit a very long time period where I am so tired of being scrutinized and dissected that I just couldn't stand the thought of sharing anything about me with anyone. Between the spiritual director, mentor, classmates (who are really, really getting on my nerves) and support group at church I'm sick of talking about me! So I might post a few fun things - I hope my friends find them fun at least. Like this interesting item that you see. I mean what do I say - I believe that Christ cares about us continually but this is just too much. And 20 bucks. Its really something.

Friday's Feast - July 18

Appetizer
When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?

About a month ago and I have to say I did not like the job they did. Usually I am very happy but this time it sucks. Need to think about my next cut.


Soup
Name one thing you miss about being a child.

Hmm. I was a very anxious child so I remember a lot of angst. I think growing up in Greenwood, Nova Scotia the first time (we were posted there twice) - from grade 2 to midway through grade 5. It was a blast. Especially going to the HandyStand with 25 cents and picking out penny candy.


Salad
Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.

Butter. I'll eat margarine but it wasn't something I suffered through as a child. I always marvelled at friends who had margarine. Yuck.

Main Course
If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?

I think French. Its the "other" language. It would be cool to be able to be understood anywhere in Canada.


Dessert
Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…

What a scary thought. I should be done my schooling and I guess leading a congregation? I just don't know.

Sermon Response: I Want to Die!

Yes, the response to the sermon in today's worship at the local nursing home was "I want to die!". One resident shouted back "Not here please!". I was sure it was one of our church goers who said it so I was relieved when C assured me it was another resident.

Now either the resident was fed up with the worship or really taken on the theme that ultimately our troubles cease and we find peace with Jesus. I'll have to tone it down next time.

The nursing home worker took him away from the service. We were getting ready to sing a song and I was going to address his concern directly (no I don't mean I was going to kill him, I was going to see if we could pray for him), I figure heckling is part of the deal.....

Snakes Alive! - Part 2

After discovering a snake lying in the door to our bedroom which sadly is where the bathroom is I realised a few things:

- everyone lied who told me snakes couldn't possibly get into the cottage
- the underbelly of the trailer where the bathroom is needs to be patched immediately
- it will be impossible for me to ever pee in that bathroom again

Sadly, the other bathroom was out of commission while C repairs a few pipes. And after holding for many, many hours I had to pee. So I send C into the bedroom and bathroom to check it out. He comes back assuring me that there is no culprits lurking.

I shuffle my way over, ensuring that C stays there in case something happens. I look cautiously in the bathroom and lo and behold the toilet seat is down! I ask "Did you lift the lid". No.

Anyone who has ever considered a snake loose in the city knows the fear of going to the toilet at 3:00 a.m. In the light of day, it seems ridiculous to worry about some random culprit popping up but at the "death hour" (most people who die of natural causes die between 3-4 a.m.) fear is ever present.

I assured C that until the seat is lifted and the bowl inspected his check is completely useless.

Now why they decided to put a heat vent right in front of the toilet I don't know. Even before "The Incident" it worried me a bit. But now I need C to stand at the door because I can't possibly scan every entry point on my own.

It gets better. Later in the evening as I started to feel a bit more at ease I finally got up the nerve to have a shower. I told C he had to sit in the bathroom with me because I can't stand not knowing what is going on while I'm in that enclosed space. Idiot. At some point to reassure me that he is still there - he reaches in and pokes me on the back! Once the screaming subsided he understood that there is a reason for all those shower scenes in movies!!

Etsy

Oh no! I have been introduced to this website called Etsy. Its like ebay but you buy the goods without bidding. Saw some cool things and I have found I have a fondness for old syrupy greeting cards so I bought a few. They are practical because they can be used and they end up cheaper then store bought as long as you are careful with the shipping costs.

I spent so much time on their last night - but it didn't interupt my work because I was supposed to be sleeping!