I haven't really gotten around to calling people, havent'really wanted to talk about it.
I'm bummed with my hunt for a church. Now I have to be careful with this because many of the people reading this are waiting for me to give them a good reason not to think about God and church and all that.
But church is a bunch of people. Just like at a bar. Ian hangs with people at the bar and they have discussions, fall outs and politics. Don't get him started about the darts group! Bars are more tolerable because even if you don't drink you can laugh at the ones who do. But church is crazy because we think it should be different. Of course it should, the people should be kinder and more loving to one another. And for the most part we are better than the average bar - because if we are authentic you see us at our worst - when we are ourselves - or like the nice guy who gets obnoxious after a few beers. Yet we keep coming back to see each other.
The problem is that the church building and its people do a lousy job of advertising what the whole point of showing up is. Without God, church would be hell. A bunch of people that you wouldn't want to sit next to on the bus singing together, meeting and making decisions together and discussing important topics like religion together. Its like one long day at work without the salaries and the risk of losing a job to keep everyone in line and there is no retirement to look forward to.
That's what you need to know about church. We are there, most of us anyways, because we love God and church is where we go to worship him and tell him how we feel about him and what he has done in our lives. It makes no sense to someone who doesn't love God how anyone could stand going to church. Just like those freaky beauty pageants for three year olds make absolutely no sense to those of us who see them for the very scary demented hobby that they are.
Yes, there are people in church who haven't experienced God personally. I admire them for showing up every week because they think they should. But the majority of us are there because we have to be there - its where we belong and we just have to learn how to love each other.
My frustration is that the very institution that is used to gather those who worship God is not geared for people who want to find out about religion. There are shops in Bayview Village that I would never have the courage to look in - I don't have the style, the figure or the cash. Why would I expect people who don't know God want to come into church and poke around? Well, I don't. So my frustration isn't with church and the politics - its with what I can't seem to get done with church.
I am ready to go out and be Christ's hands and feet and hopefully say some things that he would approve of in an effort to let people know how loving God is and how this crazy stuff I believe is so true to me. But I don't know how to do it by myself and I can't seem to find a church ready to do it with me.
So while I sort this out, I'm quiet about church and my calling. I'm trying to get my head together which means listening for God's leading. I'm sure I'm a paradox to many of you - you see how passionate I am and frustrated at the same time. It's not church or God - its trying to fit it all together.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I'm Gonna Be Rich - Miracle Water
I've been feeling fed up with the institution of church. But now I can put things into perspective.
I'm a sucker for those tele evangelist shows. The crazier they are the better. I sit and exclaim over and over - "why do people watch this crap!".
Well Rev. Popoff has some amazing miracle water. It comes in a plastic tube and you drink it to receive your miracle. After watching a series of women exclaim that they drank the water and received the blessing of unexpected money I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have some. I needed to know what this package would look like and how slick would it have to be for someone to actually believe the good ole' Rev.
Cliff refused to call for me. Usually he will do something like this for me albeit reluctantly. Not this time. I had to call myself. See, I didn't want the person on the other end of the line to think that I was really into this sham but on the same hand I wanted to get my miracle water so I could have a peek at this whole industry.
Didn't matter in the end - the good rev has his own outgoing message, all I needed to do was leave my name and address and my prayer request. I didn't leave a prayer request because it seemed wrong to make fun of that part! I did use my maiden name though because I really don't want this stuff going to my real name.
I got my miracle water today! It was very exciting to read that Rev. Popoff is well acquainted with the very hard place that I am in in my life right now. As God's prophet he has guaranteed me that I have great blessings coming to me on January 5th, 2008. He is also very interested that I trust in God's promises and give a seed offering to God to the tune of 17 dollars. Then God will shower me with all of the blessings that I've got coming to me.
Sadly this is only one part of this tommyrot. The rest is that I must sleep with my miracle water on the floor next to my bed and drink it tomorrow morning. Okay, not a chance. The water has supposedly come from some spring revealed to a priest and his followers in Russia folllowing the Chernobyl accident.
As soon as my 17 dollars hits the Rev's pocket he will send me even more blessings. In the meantime, I have a second envelope to open after I have done all the miracle water stuff. I was warned not to open it yet but well I'm not very obedient. Inside is another long winded letter indicating that I am so truly blessed and set apart by God for some incredible events. I just need to show my absolute willingness to bless God with 27 dollars. Oh yes, I also have a piece of silver mylar - looks a bit like a piece of tinsel that I have to tie around my wrist and sleep with - only for one night. I send that and the money. The rev needs the tinsel because he feels powerfully called upon to pray through something that I have worn.
Now if anyone is confused enough to do the first letter I can only imagine what kinds of stuff they want to send with the second letter. If you really believe he is going to hold this stuff in his hands and pray through it wouldn't you send him something like your underwear or t shirt or something that you have actually lived in?
We are just waiting to see what stuff gets sent to us now. Not only will there be all of the pleas for my money from this guy but I bet I get on some really weird mailing lists.
It cost this guy 1.30 to send all this to me, plus the cost of the materials and the late night advertising. People must be so gullible - and it makes me sad because he has twisted the Gospel so much that people are apt to blame God for not receiving their riches rather then this sleazy operator.
I'm a sucker for those tele evangelist shows. The crazier they are the better. I sit and exclaim over and over - "why do people watch this crap!".
Well Rev. Popoff has some amazing miracle water. It comes in a plastic tube and you drink it to receive your miracle. After watching a series of women exclaim that they drank the water and received the blessing of unexpected money I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have some. I needed to know what this package would look like and how slick would it have to be for someone to actually believe the good ole' Rev.
Cliff refused to call for me. Usually he will do something like this for me albeit reluctantly. Not this time. I had to call myself. See, I didn't want the person on the other end of the line to think that I was really into this sham but on the same hand I wanted to get my miracle water so I could have a peek at this whole industry.
Didn't matter in the end - the good rev has his own outgoing message, all I needed to do was leave my name and address and my prayer request. I didn't leave a prayer request because it seemed wrong to make fun of that part! I did use my maiden name though because I really don't want this stuff going to my real name.
I got my miracle water today! It was very exciting to read that Rev. Popoff is well acquainted with the very hard place that I am in in my life right now. As God's prophet he has guaranteed me that I have great blessings coming to me on January 5th, 2008. He is also very interested that I trust in God's promises and give a seed offering to God to the tune of 17 dollars. Then God will shower me with all of the blessings that I've got coming to me.
Sadly this is only one part of this tommyrot. The rest is that I must sleep with my miracle water on the floor next to my bed and drink it tomorrow morning. Okay, not a chance. The water has supposedly come from some spring revealed to a priest and his followers in Russia folllowing the Chernobyl accident.
As soon as my 17 dollars hits the Rev's pocket he will send me even more blessings. In the meantime, I have a second envelope to open after I have done all the miracle water stuff. I was warned not to open it yet but well I'm not very obedient. Inside is another long winded letter indicating that I am so truly blessed and set apart by God for some incredible events. I just need to show my absolute willingness to bless God with 27 dollars. Oh yes, I also have a piece of silver mylar - looks a bit like a piece of tinsel that I have to tie around my wrist and sleep with - only for one night. I send that and the money. The rev needs the tinsel because he feels powerfully called upon to pray through something that I have worn.
Now if anyone is confused enough to do the first letter I can only imagine what kinds of stuff they want to send with the second letter. If you really believe he is going to hold this stuff in his hands and pray through it wouldn't you send him something like your underwear or t shirt or something that you have actually lived in?
We are just waiting to see what stuff gets sent to us now. Not only will there be all of the pleas for my money from this guy but I bet I get on some really weird mailing lists.
It cost this guy 1.30 to send all this to me, plus the cost of the materials and the late night advertising. People must be so gullible - and it makes me sad because he has twisted the Gospel so much that people are apt to blame God for not receiving their riches rather then this sleazy operator.
A Whole Aisle of Weird Bread
Okay, I wrote about the weird bread once before - you know the European style bread that sits on the ledge by the Deli counter. You don't get a whole loaf - they come in little half size bags and they look like you could replace the soles of your shoes with them.
Anyhow, I went to Highland Farms and experienced a whole new shopping experience. I'm really sensitive to my cultural surroundings and new I was in the wrong store from the front door. Its very European and it has a whole aisle devoted to the weird bread. I still didn't see anyone buying it but there certainly was a lot to choose from. The deli counter was packed with people waiting to be served - 3 deep in places - I guess they needed to move the bread so it wouldn't get squashed!
Anyhow, I went to Highland Farms and experienced a whole new shopping experience. I'm really sensitive to my cultural surroundings and new I was in the wrong store from the front door. Its very European and it has a whole aisle devoted to the weird bread. I still didn't see anyone buying it but there certainly was a lot to choose from. The deli counter was packed with people waiting to be served - 3 deep in places - I guess they needed to move the bread so it wouldn't get squashed!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Anything for a Dollar
Okay, the Dollar Stores have gone over the top. I love looking in there and rarely get out without some kind of purchase. I feel guilty because I suspect that most everything in there is the result of low wages in some stuffy factory. And some of the stuff you can get elsewhere for far less then a dollar. Too think I used to shop in real stores!!
Bandages, makeup, denture containers are not unusual. But I saw a home pregnancy kit. Just how accurate are one of these? If you are that strapped for cash maybe you should go to the doctor and get a lab requisition. It just seems weird to buy one at the dollar store. How important is it that you know for sure?
You can learn a lot about a neighbourhood by the things sold in the stores. One Shopper's in a special area of Toronto keeps the condoms up at the front. Partly to prevent stealing but mostly so the purchasers are repeat customers and don't have a lot of time.
A Giant Tiger out in Ottawa used to keep the airplane glue at the counter. I like Giant Tiger so I'm hoping it was to ensure it was being purchased for the right reason and not for the sniffers to find it easier.
In BC we looked all over for gravol and couldn't find any. It was behind the counter because the local kids were taking it to get stoned.
If you notice that razor blades are often up at the front its because they get shoplifted alot, that and batteries. I have no idea why.
If you think I seem to know way too much about what's in stores its partly because I love looking in stores but mostly because my brother worked retail for a long time and I worked counting inventory for some time (a whole blog in itself - I've got stories!). Since becoming Christian and going on a mission trip I don't have the irresitible urge to spend like I used to but I still have the love of window shopping!
Bandages, makeup, denture containers are not unusual. But I saw a home pregnancy kit. Just how accurate are one of these? If you are that strapped for cash maybe you should go to the doctor and get a lab requisition. It just seems weird to buy one at the dollar store. How important is it that you know for sure?
You can learn a lot about a neighbourhood by the things sold in the stores. One Shopper's in a special area of Toronto keeps the condoms up at the front. Partly to prevent stealing but mostly so the purchasers are repeat customers and don't have a lot of time.
A Giant Tiger out in Ottawa used to keep the airplane glue at the counter. I like Giant Tiger so I'm hoping it was to ensure it was being purchased for the right reason and not for the sniffers to find it easier.
In BC we looked all over for gravol and couldn't find any. It was behind the counter because the local kids were taking it to get stoned.
If you notice that razor blades are often up at the front its because they get shoplifted alot, that and batteries. I have no idea why.
If you think I seem to know way too much about what's in stores its partly because I love looking in stores but mostly because my brother worked retail for a long time and I worked counting inventory for some time (a whole blog in itself - I've got stories!). Since becoming Christian and going on a mission trip I don't have the irresitible urge to spend like I used to but I still have the love of window shopping!
Dangerous Google Searches
My cat's bum is looking a little sore. I don't know why and not wanting to risk an expensive vet visit for something I can treat with products from the Dollar Store I decided to Google it.
Well I always google with just a few nouns and verbs. I never bother trying to look for a specific site unless I have one in mind.
I googled
bald anus
Yup, without thinking I hit enter and off I went on an extremely interesting journey! I'm sure my IP address is now tagged by the RCMP.
Well I always google with just a few nouns and verbs. I never bother trying to look for a specific site unless I have one in mind.
I googled
bald anus
Yup, without thinking I hit enter and off I went on an extremely interesting journey! I'm sure my IP address is now tagged by the RCMP.
Friday, September 28, 2007
To Sing or Not To Sing
I have problems with boundaries. I tend to push into other people's if I think something is unjust. So when my therapist told me that her church decided not to have a choir anymore because they only want a praise team* I immediately knew what I would have done. I would have gotten the choir together and had them sit in one area of the church together and we would have belted out every tune! Not that I like choirs - the better they are the less I can understand what they are singing. Now at the other end of the spectrum is Ian's friend who "goes to church every Sunday". Ian was surprised to find out that he goes to church - but then the truth came out - he is paid to sing in the choir. He shows up for practice once a week and on Sunday to sing. He is not a church member and basically shows for the paycheque. Somewhere between not wanting the services of a choir and paying people to fill the holes in the choir suits me just fine!
*non-churched dictionary - this took me forever to figure out, and I still don't get it. Churches tend to have a choir - usually in robes that sing the older hymns and are can be informal to very formal. A Praise Team is a small group of people who stand at the front and are usually good singers but less formal in what they sing. More uplifting, emotional stuff with instruments like drums and guitars (gasp!). I have yet to figure out why a praise team is necessary and maybe I'm ahead of my time but I would like to see praise teams abolished. Have instruments and stuff to play the music but for goodness sakes the whole congregation should be the praise team!
*non-churched dictionary - this took me forever to figure out, and I still don't get it. Churches tend to have a choir - usually in robes that sing the older hymns and are can be informal to very formal. A Praise Team is a small group of people who stand at the front and are usually good singers but less formal in what they sing. More uplifting, emotional stuff with instruments like drums and guitars (gasp!). I have yet to figure out why a praise team is necessary and maybe I'm ahead of my time but I would like to see praise teams abolished. Have instruments and stuff to play the music but for goodness sakes the whole congregation should be the praise team!
Alpha - Perspective on Ministry
I somehow got pulled into Alpha. Well, no, it was my own fault. The person who runs it asked me when I go to school and learning that I'm free Thursdays wanted to know if I could cover off some Alpha sessions during his vacation. He's done this before, he books Alpha then looks for a backup. I'm the only backup left and I agreed to cover his weeks. Well tonight was the first session and I'm covering the next two weeks so I ended up staying tonight to sit in since I need to meet the people and they need to meet me.
I was thinking about ministry. I always thought there would be a moment when I was officially doing ministry. But there isn't -I'm always doing it. Stepping in to do Alpha is something I can do and should do since we lack another leader at the moment. That's ministry. That's it. You do up Sunday worship and then step in and out of roles the rest of the week. Show up at meetings, visit people and somewhere in there do your own devotions to keep connected to God so you can step into whatever needs doing. I'm leading a worship service at a nursing home in a few weeks time and I have no idea what I will do. I've never been there, I don't even know if they have a piano which means a capella for me again which I force myself to do but really would rather not.
Its not that I'm disappointed, its just that somewhere between the summer and now I'm suddenly doing ministry much like a pastor. Not with the full responsibilities but slowly getting there. I have the benefit of still being able to screw up a lot because I am learning so this is still gravy.
So two people came to Alpha - two that we weren't expecting and another seven didn't show that we were. And the two that show are Christian. At first I'm irritated because one of them is the kind of Christian that has turned me off Christianity in the past. But I realise that this is ministry - its not about me its about the other person and their needs. And I realise that as much as I am passionate about non-Christians that I have a lot that I can share with Christians in terms of leading to deeper understandings of Christ and broadening the appreciation of what it means to be a Christ follower and what church is supposed to be about. Why would people in a church come out to Alpha if they weren't seeking something - maybe friends, or a non-judgemental new face or a better understanding. The servant thing is starting to take hold in my heart - God serves everyone, thankfully he isn't choosy like I am!
Anyhow I have a great opportunity to listen and not set the agenda and to learn more about churched Christians and what they seek so I'll pray about that for next week!
I was thinking about ministry. I always thought there would be a moment when I was officially doing ministry. But there isn't -I'm always doing it. Stepping in to do Alpha is something I can do and should do since we lack another leader at the moment. That's ministry. That's it. You do up Sunday worship and then step in and out of roles the rest of the week. Show up at meetings, visit people and somewhere in there do your own devotions to keep connected to God so you can step into whatever needs doing. I'm leading a worship service at a nursing home in a few weeks time and I have no idea what I will do. I've never been there, I don't even know if they have a piano which means a capella for me again which I force myself to do but really would rather not.
Its not that I'm disappointed, its just that somewhere between the summer and now I'm suddenly doing ministry much like a pastor. Not with the full responsibilities but slowly getting there. I have the benefit of still being able to screw up a lot because I am learning so this is still gravy.
So two people came to Alpha - two that we weren't expecting and another seven didn't show that we were. And the two that show are Christian. At first I'm irritated because one of them is the kind of Christian that has turned me off Christianity in the past. But I realise that this is ministry - its not about me its about the other person and their needs. And I realise that as much as I am passionate about non-Christians that I have a lot that I can share with Christians in terms of leading to deeper understandings of Christ and broadening the appreciation of what it means to be a Christ follower and what church is supposed to be about. Why would people in a church come out to Alpha if they weren't seeking something - maybe friends, or a non-judgemental new face or a better understanding. The servant thing is starting to take hold in my heart - God serves everyone, thankfully he isn't choosy like I am!
Anyhow I have a great opportunity to listen and not set the agenda and to learn more about churched Christians and what they seek so I'll pray about that for next week!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
I'm backkk
Yup, I'm back after a long hiatus. The Holland trip just brought out nasty blogging on my part and I had to take a break.
Now that I'm back into school and getting a new rhythym with work/ministry and school I need to find time to laugh!
Like today - I went for a stress test for my heart. I had nagging arm pain in August and went to the ER where I quickly determined that the nurse knew I wasn't having a heart attack so I left. My doc however wanted a stress test and I figured I better though I'm sure it was a waste of OHIP's money.
It really was a stress test - I stressed about it! What do I wear, will there be people watching me, how stupid am I going to look. And then there is the whole weird feeling of being back in NYGH. Its so weird - everything looks different and yet I run into people I worked with and it seems like I've entered another dimension.
In the end I had to get my heart up to 179 - I think I got it close enough. And there was nothing to worry about it was all very dignified.
I had this strange moment though when I looked at the men and women dressed in their work clothes and shiny shoes and felt that I missed it. Something about walking around in heels and skirts and jackets and talking about very technical things - its like a game and a culture that I know so well it feels comfortable.
I have to find a new hospital, I just hate going back there!
Now that I'm back into school and getting a new rhythym with work/ministry and school I need to find time to laugh!
Like today - I went for a stress test for my heart. I had nagging arm pain in August and went to the ER where I quickly determined that the nurse knew I wasn't having a heart attack so I left. My doc however wanted a stress test and I figured I better though I'm sure it was a waste of OHIP's money.
It really was a stress test - I stressed about it! What do I wear, will there be people watching me, how stupid am I going to look. And then there is the whole weird feeling of being back in NYGH. Its so weird - everything looks different and yet I run into people I worked with and it seems like I've entered another dimension.
In the end I had to get my heart up to 179 - I think I got it close enough. And there was nothing to worry about it was all very dignified.
I had this strange moment though when I looked at the men and women dressed in their work clothes and shiny shoes and felt that I missed it. Something about walking around in heels and skirts and jackets and talking about very technical things - its like a game and a culture that I know so well it feels comfortable.
I have to find a new hospital, I just hate going back there!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Help - The Children's Message
While the pastor is away for 4 Sundays I may be called upon to do the Children's Message. For the uninitiated this is when the children of the congregation are called up and the pastor gives them something to think about - it should be interesting, something that all ages can relate to, memorable and connected with the theme and message of the service.
I can preach a 20 minute sermon but the 5 minute time with the children kills me. It takes me a week to come up with the idea and prop. Some of the children require guidance in listening. Some continually point their bum up in the air towards the congregation during the message. Some interupt continually with non related info mumbled so that I can't tell if the child is communicating their love of video games, that they are hungry or that the balcony is on fire. And until I can convince the Pastor that I now have this down and am comfortable with it he is going to give me lots of opportunities to do it. Its going to be a long month!
I can preach a 20 minute sermon but the 5 minute time with the children kills me. It takes me a week to come up with the idea and prop. Some of the children require guidance in listening. Some continually point their bum up in the air towards the congregation during the message. Some interupt continually with non related info mumbled so that I can't tell if the child is communicating their love of video games, that they are hungry or that the balcony is on fire. And until I can convince the Pastor that I now have this down and am comfortable with it he is going to give me lots of opportunities to do it. Its going to be a long month!
Oh No, I've Discovered youtube
Our PC sound wasn't working for the longest time and now that it is I have access to youtube. I came across this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1u93VduIUI
Its about clown training as a form of ministry and at first I was convinced they were kidding but by the end I'm not too sure. It was funny but not enough to be a satire. Anyone who knows my fear of clowns will understand that clown ministry is in my books one of the Dark Arts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1u93VduIUI
Its about clown training as a form of ministry and at first I was convinced they were kidding but by the end I'm not too sure. It was funny but not enough to be a satire. Anyone who knows my fear of clowns will understand that clown ministry is in my books one of the Dark Arts.
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