I'm Gonna Be Rich - Miracle Water

I've been feeling fed up with the institution of church. But now I can put things into perspective.

I'm a sucker for those tele evangelist shows. The crazier they are the better. I sit and exclaim over and over - "why do people watch this crap!".

Well Rev. Popoff has some amazing miracle water. It comes in a plastic tube and you drink it to receive your miracle. After watching a series of women exclaim that they drank the water and received the blessing of unexpected money I just couldn't stand it anymore I had to have some. I needed to know what this package would look like and how slick would it have to be for someone to actually believe the good ole' Rev.

Cliff refused to call for me. Usually he will do something like this for me albeit reluctantly. Not this time. I had to call myself. See, I didn't want the person on the other end of the line to think that I was really into this sham but on the same hand I wanted to get my miracle water so I could have a peek at this whole industry.

Didn't matter in the end - the good rev has his own outgoing message, all I needed to do was leave my name and address and my prayer request. I didn't leave a prayer request because it seemed wrong to make fun of that part! I did use my maiden name though because I really don't want this stuff going to my real name.

I got my miracle water today! It was very exciting to read that Rev. Popoff is well acquainted with the very hard place that I am in in my life right now. As God's prophet he has guaranteed me that I have great blessings coming to me on January 5th, 2008. He is also very interested that I trust in God's promises and give a seed offering to God to the tune of 17 dollars. Then God will shower me with all of the blessings that I've got coming to me.

Sadly this is only one part of this tommyrot. The rest is that I must sleep with my miracle water on the floor next to my bed and drink it tomorrow morning. Okay, not a chance. The water has supposedly come from some spring revealed to a priest and his followers in Russia folllowing the Chernobyl accident.

As soon as my 17 dollars hits the Rev's pocket he will send me even more blessings. In the meantime, I have a second envelope to open after I have done all the miracle water stuff. I was warned not to open it yet but well I'm not very obedient. Inside is another long winded letter indicating that I am so truly blessed and set apart by God for some incredible events. I just need to show my absolute willingness to bless God with 27 dollars. Oh yes, I also have a piece of silver mylar - looks a bit like a piece of tinsel that I have to tie around my wrist and sleep with - only for one night. I send that and the money. The rev needs the tinsel because he feels powerfully called upon to pray through something that I have worn.

Now if anyone is confused enough to do the first letter I can only imagine what kinds of stuff they want to send with the second letter. If you really believe he is going to hold this stuff in his hands and pray through it wouldn't you send him something like your underwear or t shirt or something that you have actually lived in?

We are just waiting to see what stuff gets sent to us now. Not only will there be all of the pleas for my money from this guy but I bet I get on some really weird mailing lists.

It cost this guy 1.30 to send all this to me, plus the cost of the materials and the late night advertising. People must be so gullible - and it makes me sad because he has twisted the Gospel so much that people are apt to blame God for not receiving their riches rather then this sleazy operator.