I love the stats.

I have a feeling that I have been slightly depressed for most of winter from January on. Lately, I seem to have a lot more energy to get things done. I have been working on a research paper looking at stats in North York and getting tons of ideas and I still have energy left to do other things. I don't seem to need the same number of naps either.

I love looking at stats and trying to make sense of them. The area around the church is very interesting in just how boring the stats are. We have a low teen pregnancy rate, lower obesity rate, smoking rate and less poverty then other areas just south and west of the church and when compared to the Toronto average. The rate of getting flu shots and vaccines and screening tests is higher than the Toronto average as well. Some of this has to be due to the higher income levels but even so I am surprised that the few area around us is so different then to the east or the south. Also, and this was really surprising,we have a higher number of youth 15-24 then compared to the Toronto average. Yet for years the church has said that there are no young people here because it is too expensive. The only areas that seem to stand out is a slightly higher average of mental health visits and a much higher incidence of heart problems. Perhaps the stress of trying to be too happy!?

Its going to be interesting to try to figure out what this means as a church. For one thing we can't ignore that the idea of serving the community through giving handouts is not going to be effective for the average person. As my prof explained to me, the people in this area can afford to buy what they need - including English classes. Instead our rather traditional churches in the area may just have to actually engage in a postmodern world where the church's role as soup kitchens and food banks no longer engages the majority of those we are meant to serve.

I did some canvassing for the Cancer Society in the neighbourhood and found that during the day and on Saturday mornings the place is a ghost town with the exception of a few grandparents caring for pre-school children. Evenings is when the community are actually at home. How do you create a sense of neighbourhood when everyone has communities outside of their street - schools, work, shopping, activities at clubs?

I am at a complete loss - maybe because I was never interested in my community myself - I don't know my neighbours and make connections in other places. I'm going to have to do a lot of praying and thinking about this.

Grace - I don't have enough

Imagine taking someone you really have a hard time spending time with and bringing them to your place of peace. That's what's going on in my life right now!

I have elected to bring someone I know to church who I just don't get along with. I try to, and I do pray about it - but not enough. This person says a lot of careless things in public and if you try to set the record straight you end up going down a very convoluted garden path. At the end I am usually more frustrated then when I started and still nothing is acknowleged.

Today for instance. After asking this person many times if they wanted to go to church with us and being given reasons for not going she tells people today that she is so happy to be back and has missed coming for a long time. Since she can't get to church without us, this ends up sounding like we have been keeping her from coming. Later she tells one of the pastoral workers that she had a beautiful cross that she got years ago which she no longer has and that she has wanted a new cross for soooo long. The person winked at me and said that maybe for a birthday or Christmas a little bird will whisper this to someone. Okay, how about for the last 20 birthdays and Christmases and Mother's Days. I have never heard her wish for a cross, ever. Then she indicates how she has asked her daughter to take her to Chinatown but she can "ask and ask" but she still doesn't get to go. Chinatown? Since when? Apparently she wants to go to Chinatown to get the cross. I still have not determined why Chinatown and could see that I wasn't going to find out why. Maybe she wants a jade one. Anyhow, I suggested over lunch that perhaps Chinatown would not be that fun of a trip for her as there is no parking and getting around the street and in the tightly packed stores might be difficult with a walker. She has a hard time negotiating getting to and from the bathroom in the restaurant so I can't imagine us joslting around in the crowd. We offered to drive through Chinatown to see if she would like to try it out some time but she didn't want to bother.

So, it is impossible to meet her needs because she never tells you what she needs. I end up getting helpful advice from parishioners who think after talking to her that we need a little push to bring her to church or to take her to get groceries.

My husband has learned to ignore all of this. I still haven't learned how to and I noticed today he lost his cool before I did. As she is waiting for us in the car to get her walker out of the back seat she lit up a cigarette. I stared in disbelief. We have told her in no uncertain terms that we can not stand the smell of cigarette smoke. For the first time in a long time I couldn't think of what to say I was so dumbfounded. My husband told her that this was unacceptable and she claimed that since her legs are partway out of the car that she considered herself to be out of the car.

I'm at a loss. I can try to ignore her behaviour but am having a hard time doing this. It took 5 tries for the waiter to take her meal order because she couldn't decide. She wanted something with fries. We suggested about 10 options - she didn't want the fish and chips because it isn't made with shark like it is in Australia. I suggested to her that she has had fish and chips plenty of times in Canada since moving here and the lack of shark was never an issue at that time. See, I should not say anything. My husband blanks out during these conversations. But I am stubborn and want to have a relationship other than blanking out and ignoring. So I need to learn a lot of grace. I think this is probably the hardest person for me to get along with (it didn't help that her attitude towards me sucked when we first got engaged) and she isn't going to change. So I have to learn to stop caring what other people think of us when they talk to her. If she wants to tell the care worker that we are too busy to take her shopping then I just have to let it go. Somehow. Or figure out why she does that.

Boasting

So after my boasting about how well my preaching went, don't we have a sermon about how we shouldn't boast. I've been processing that for a few weeks now because I have noticed that our church very down on compliments. I have received a few compliments which started out nice but ended with "but you are not perfect". I finally called this person on it because I would rather not get any compliment - I never remember anything nice that is said to me if it is followed up with a "but". To me the "but" is the real intended message. That's my sensitivity showing through. If you think about examples from life the "but" message is usually there for a reason. So it seems as thought there is a distaste for giving a compliment lest it makes us as humans think we can do anything good apart from God. The theologians out there probably note that this is an extreme reaction to Calvinism - that man can do not good on his own apart from God.

So after feeling very upset and down about the boasting I thought about the role of motivation. I don't get excited about preaching because of what I can or can not do. I do get excited about preaching because I believe it proclaims what God has to say to us. I am pleased that I communicated the text technically well - because if I don't communicate well then the Holy Spirit has to do a lot more work and I have to question whether I am in the right field. Anyhow, I have been thinking about this and feeling torn about it. It seems that if I do poorly then its my fault and if I do well, then its God's doing. I have been doing a lot of reading about Calvinism lately in order to ensure that my sermons for W are above reproach theologically. I think we can over apply the principles so that we become very neurotic, solemn people.

Friday's Feast

For those of you how are faithful to the Friday's Feast site you know that the chef is on vacation so yes, this is an entry from earlier in May that I never used.

Appetizer

When someone smiles at you, do you smile back?


It depends. Sometimes I'm walking along and someone smiles and I notice too late. I love smiling back at children, especially the young ones because they just expect you to.


Soup

Describe the flooring in your home. Do you have carpet, hardwood, vinyl, a mix?


The floor is hardwood. The parts you can see. We only have a rug under the dining room table. The living room needs to be redone, we did it when we moved it and I think we maybe should have done a few more coats of treatment. I don't really want to do it again - sanding the wood down requires a completely empty room and takes a few days if you want to let the layers dry properly.

Salad

Write a sentence with only 5 words, but all of the words have to start with the first letter of your first name.

The great thing about Friday's Feast unlike baby showers, lingerie parties and other uncomfortable settings is that I don't have to do things I don't want to.

Main Course

Do you know anyone whose life has been touched by adoption?


My husband and his siblings were all adopted - from different parents. My dad was adopted. My good friend in high school gave up her baby for adoption.


Dessert

Name 2 blue things.


The first thing that springs into my mind are blue Smarties. I have a friend who believes that there should not be any processed blue food in the world and the blue smarties cause her problems. I tend to concur - the blue is a bit too bright.

Another blue thing - hmm, I guess the next answer that comes to my mind is the sky.

Friday's Feast

Appetizer

What is the nearest big city to your home?

I'm living in the biggest city!

Soup

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how well do you keep secrets?

Hmm, I tell my husband almost everything. If I don't include him I'm probably a nine or a ten.


Main Course

What kind of driver are you? Courteous? Aggressive? Slow?

I'm courteous - I always let people in, am very gracious around new drivers. But, I can be aggressive if I am stressed and someone rides my butt, honks or cuts me off dangerously. Long before I get bitchy at home or irritable around others I get road rage in response to bad driving. I've learned that as soon as that happens its time to take stock of what's going on in ministry and at home. Its actually dangerous because when I get in that frame of mind I would have no problem getting out and telling someone off for their dangerous driving. Nowadays that can cost you your life!

Dessert

When was the last time you had a really bad week?

Hmm, I've had some weeks that just went from bad to worse. But I don't remember when - probably when I decided to leave my last job.

Eat at McDonald's Day

Okay, here is my solution to my rant. I want to get a group of people to come to the specified McDonald's and everyone special order. My special order is Big Mac, half sauce no lettuce. Richard likes Big Mac extra sauce no pickles - and he is a freak about the ice in the pop. If I can get 20 people to randomly trickle in with these special orders I can bring the McDonald's Corporation to its knees. Only when Nahid is working though.

At least I got served - but then again I have arms: check this out:
http://www.wrex.com/News/index.php?ID=19532

McDonald's Rant

Look at this order:

1 Bacon Angus Meal
1 6 Nuggets Meal
1 Big Mac Special Order Meal
1 Big Mac Meal
3 Qtr Cheese Burger Meal
2 McChicken Meal
1 4 Nugget Happy Meal
9 Medium Fry
3 Medium Ice Tea
1 Medium Sprite No Ice
1 Medium Sprite
1 Medium Coke No Ice
1 Medium Diet Coke
2 white milk
1 chocolate milke

Total 65.88

There are a total of 10 meals here. However, this order totally caused chaos at our McDonald's at 9:30 p.m. There was no one else in line and at least 7 staff on. After putting in the order the shift manager had to put in a code to authorise it. She made a comment about the length of time it would take while she did that. She then was at the other cash telling a customer - its going to be half-an-hour if you want to order anything - like my whole screen is full. She also made a comment that she needed "8: fries.

I finally had enough at that point and demanded to know what the issue was. The clerk serving us tried to say that the other girl didn't mean anything by it, its just a big order. She chimes in "yeah, its a big order". So I'm like, what's the deal with telling people that our order is causing others to wait half an hour? She indicates that the other customer is an employee. And again, its a large order. And I say yeah, and we just paid 65 bucks for it.

Crappy customer service is my biggest peeve - for one simple reason - its usually because the person does not have the decency to be polite. We were originally going to go through the drive through because we felt bad unleashing 3 teens, 2 pre teens and 2 children onto the restaurant. But we figured this would be far better than trying to coordinate the orders through the drive through.

Then another staff member, to make a point, says "I have never seen an order this big since I started here two years ago". Huh, its ten blasted meals! I'm not ordering Peking Duck for 30 - I'm ordering s**t on a bun. Microwave it and throw it between a bun. I'm ordering 9 orders of fries - stick the basket in the oil and pop them out!

I've been in McDonald's at lunchtime when offices have put there orders in and they have had to use a separate cash and workers because the order is large.

Anyhow, I'm pissed. I'm pissed that we are paying to eat crap on a bun and instead of being pleased that we are eating there we are throwing off their routine. In fact, we would have been pleased to do the orders in sets of three if it would have helped.

I just hate inconveniencing retailers with my business!

Preaching Dates

Here are my dates for preaching:

June 15 - Calvary Baptist (Main and Kingston Road)
July 6 - Willowdale Christian Reformed
July 27 Willowdale Christian Reformed

A Good Day Today

Every now and then you have a day that just shines. For me that usually means that I am very pleased with myself. Which is egotistical I know, but there are so few times when I am pleased that these days are rare.

I preached today in class, and though my presentation wasn't as good as always - I didn't have time to memorize the sermon so used my notes, I felt that it was a good sermon. I did what I set out to do and can only hope the Holy Spirit did what was needed. Now I say this was a good day because the prof who is from Knox Presbyterian thanked me for the sermon and said that it was... whatever he said. I've never preached in front of him and he is from a large church and is Presbyterian so I am feeling that at least in this critical arena I did something right. Even better is my program director who I have learned is not very expressive. He said that he missed lunch to hear my sermon which I thought was very nice, then he said "and it was worth it". He is not usually a compliment giver so I was really surprised. He is always very gracious and accepting but just doesn't spontaneously give affirmation. I get my actual analysis of how I did next week from him but I feel pretty good. Now the thing about preaching is that good and bad don't really mean anything because the Spirit does the convicting. But technically it must have been okay.

I led the class in a new song today - which if I hadn't been so tired I would have actually practiced first. It was really hard at first because I don't sing and without music I'm not really sure what key or range or whatever I'm supposed to be in. I usually try to figure out from the person next to me. But I was resolved to do this feat and taught them a simple benediction. I felt a bit self conscious - there is nothing worse then hearing your own voice as other silently listen to learn the tune. But its a safe place to do this and I was just relieved that I went ahead and did it in spite of being embarassed.

Here's the funny bit which was the icing on the cake - during lunch one of the guys asked me if I had seen Sweeney Todd because I sing just like some actress - I don't know her name - Helen Botham Carter or something. I wasn't sure what to say - I must have looked a bit taken aback so he said that this was actually a compliment. I told him I feel sorry for her - I can't imagine what we could have in common. He did seem to think it was a compliment. So, I have held off on trying to find a clip of this actress' singing because I really can't imagine it. Someone else chimed in that I have a beautiful voice. I really don't know what to think. Did you see the Seinfeld episode where a doctor calls Elaine "breathtaking" and then uses the same word to describe the world's ugliest baby? I'm sort of in that mode of thinking right now.

Mothers' Day

Hmm. My brother and I offered to buy my mom a dollhouse to celebrate her retirement - up to a cost of 400 dollars. She has since decided that that is too much money and she is not ready for building a dollhouse. She would like a calligraphy set instead which is much less expensive. Besides, we will need some money to buy her a small gift for Mothers' Day. Huh? I didn't realize we were buying her a gift - I've booked an expensive restaurant and am arranging a corsage. Now she doesn't want anything expensive - but that isn't really the point. I know my brother is going to freak about this. So I have a few choices - just do what makes her happy and buy a gift and stick my brother's name on it (so he will be happy too), ignore the whole thing, or discuss it with my brother. The most peaceful option is number 1. But this is pretty much continuing the expectation. Since its the thought that counts - well I guess it will be a shitty gift no matter what I get her!!

My other mother never expects a gift. Which makes buying one all the more pleasing.