Turning Point or Just Another Day?

I have an interesting meeting tonight. Dinner with a member (and the most sympathetic I believe) of the denominational body that oversees the guidance of students going to seminary.

Interesting because I have not heard from this body since relaying that Council would not recommend me to seminary without first putting me into an accountability group due to "unChrist like behaviour". Since I was already in a group - with a member of Council sitting on it for a year, it should have been embarassing that I still was deemed to need this help and that Council was unaware that it already existed.

So, I'm curious about what this person has to say on behalf of classis. And I have been careful not to think too much about what I will say. Perhaps silence is the best and to only answer questions put directly to me.

Part of me wonders if this is a turning point - the denomination and church that I gave all of my hopes and time to will now see what they have led me to or if this is just another day in a life. Part of me is vain to wish that they would like to keep me. I have had people since the change over of council note that the denomination would do well to keep me. Sadly I am vain enough to suspect that the denomination could do with far more people like me. This might be because I tenaciously believe that the church has a good approach to understanding our relationship with God through Christ and that what they teach is solid. But what they do! Time and time again they deny the grace we are to extend to others and exact a pound of flesh. Its as if we don't believe anyone truly deserves the Gospel - which is right theologically but kills the Good News that we don't deserve grace but are given it in spite of ourselves.

So as I wait to see what my current relationship with the decidedly pentecostal church will be and journey with the staid Presbyterian group, I have a meeting with this past love.

My favourite part in Pride and Prejudice where Darby declares his love for Elizabeth by noting that despite her low connections and his superior breeding that he can't resist loving her. He is shocked when she turns down this rich offer of marriage as being beneath her own appreciation of herself. I try not to get too interested in what will be said this afternoon, but can't totally eradicate my own sense of justice not too feel a little hopeful that I for once will be the one turning down the offer for a connection with this denomination.

In the end it really doesn't matter. The question comes to can I live in a church where the elders are in full control of the church regardless of their own maturity in Christ? I have a hard time looking the other way and I can't imagine allowing the type of behaviour I witnessed to go unchecked. I can barely do so as a parishioner.

So I go, wise enough to know that I should not have any preconceived wishes or ideas of what the meeting will be like but too sinful not to be totally innocent in wanting some form of justice or recognition for what has been lost.