I'm so Bleah!

It got a major paper back - 77. B+ I'm used to an 85. I worked my ass off on the paper but the real problem is that he found it hard to understand some of what I was saying. I guess I can own that because I really had a problem writing it and I couldn't seem to get it under control. What annoys me is it should have been better and I know other students did better and it irks me that I can't seem to keep up with their quality of work.

My other paper was a B+ - it was really hard to write and I remember thinking that I had done what I could with it and I was going to be happy with a lower mark because he is a hard marker. But I wrote it so long ago that I can barely remember what it is about.

I keep feeling that I shouldn't be here. I can't put my finger on it - it might just be depression because I'm between churches and I haven't found a new place to serve. I keep promising myself that I will just do lots of spiritual formation work over the month so I can really hear what God is saying.

The continual grind of thinking and pondering about God is troubling too - after a while it becomes an academic exercise - I am hoping I will feel much better once I start volunteering and get away from the academics and church politics.