Small Town Secrets

Everyone wants to know if I am visiting the star attraction when I get to my country home. The polar bears. Everyone has heard about the great polar bears and the exhibit in which you can swim with the polar bears!

I knew that I would have no problems adjusting my natural sense of humour for my roommate when we discussed this local attraction.

As she said: "If you want to go visit an old polar bear with no teeth its great. He's so old they have to prop his mouth open and use a pole to shove the watermelon in".

I have no idea if anyone else in town is selling out this secret. The town is filled with little polar bear souvenirs - statues, t-shirts erasers. She is also from away so perhaps that is why she feel free to share the secret of the money making decrepit polar bear.

I have also been warned that every town in the area claims Tim Horton as their son. Thankfully I was not too excited about the link so I'm not disappointed.

In 8 weeks time I expect I will know many secrets that can't be repeated here! I just hope that a few of them are as funny as the polar bear!

No! No! Not Magic!

You may know that I have a thing about clowns. Can't stand them and frankly I'm a little afraid of them. Mimes too. Add to the list magic. Can't stand magic shows. Mostly because I know its fake so what's the point? Not only is it fake it is something that is learned - the best magic is a new trick that no one has ever thought of and then once its been performed its old news. I also can't stand the gets up and the theatrics. Doug Henning - say no more.

So while perusing Ship of Fools website I was startled to see a "magic" bible that produces fire when you open it. I traced it to a magic site that has all kinds of Gospel magic for witnessing. Silk scarves, rope tricks - books on how to tell the Gospel with any items the audience has on hand. Yuck. My favourite - 3 card monte -with 2 cards with Christ's face and one of a 100 dollar bill - the trick is to choose money but of course the value is in choosing Christ. Yuck!

Whether it is my healthy secular glasses or my postmodern mind I can't help but think how very wrong it is to use tricks to sell Jesus. There is already a suspiscion that witnessing is a trick to take money or common sense away from non-Christians so why mix the two? I feel a rant coming on...sort of like my feeling about fake greenery and flowers near the pulpit....

Surprise Birthday

What a surprise I got yesterday - a friend had called me up to go for fish and chips and I was looking forward to seeing her all week. When we got close by we parked and walked in a totally different direction as she told me we were going to another friend's condo to have a party in the back garden.

Lovely! A good friend from Simcoe was able to join the group and it was truly a surprise a my birthday is still a few weeks away. But I will be away then. My wonderful husband planned the whole thing in a week over the email!

Not only was their great food and friends I got a box of donations to get me settled up north. Bath stuff, office supplies, pictures of friends and snacks! To top it off the lilac bushes were in full bloom making the garden complete.

I truly am blessed and will miss everyone terribly!

One thing was left out....

It seemed simple enough - drive for 9 hours to a town, stay a few nights, meet the consistory, preach a sermon.

After lunch I was shown one of the bulletins with the liturgy laid out. It looked pretty traditional - a little more traditional then I expected from this "informal church". I had the sermon almost ready - I had the details but was struggling to get it to flow just right. But I had time after lunch to take a nap and get it working for the next day. Then the organist said "I'll just need the hymn numbers from you".

What on earth was she talking about - I wasn't asked to pick hymns. I casually asked - "Oh, does the pastor generally pick the hymns?". Then I casually asked for the hymnal and felt completed overwhelmed trying to even think of a hymn as I looked at the layout - one for opening worship, response to confession, response t sermon...Oh My! I need five of 'em.

As casually as I could, I asked - does the pastor write out the liturgy. "Oh, yes".

I figure out the hymns, write them down and get going. I figure out what I need to phone into the person who actual types up the liturgy and spend more time figuring out the prayers and such for the service.

I love writing the whole service - I just like to know before hand. I assure the typist that in the future she will have all work in to her on Thursdays.

I'm relieved that I have proven I can do this!

New Preacher in Town

Phew, its been a whirlwind. A few weeks ago someone was kind enough to forward an email to me of a church looking for a student pastor for the summer in my denomination. An email to a relative, a phone call from the elder's wife, and a quick 9 hour trip to preach a sermon and suddenly I'm the student pastor for at least 7 weeks. They would love me to stay longer - I'm just not sure I can do more than that without going crazy.

June 13th is my first sermon of the summer. I have a ton to do - I need to find some commentaries I can borrow to fill out the few that I have, figure out what other books/resources I should take and get some stuff in Toronto cleaned up before I go.

So far preaching and leading worship seems like the top duty - I have offered to do pastoral care and to network with other churches and to leave the door open for anything that they would want done that I can do in the summer.

Its a huge change - sharing a home with another person (I've never had a roommate), living in a fishbowl and leading a church. Not to mention that I may need to rely on the library and the local arena for my internet - the arena has wireless capability. The internet will be essential for C and I to keep in contact - I think we have only ever been apart for a few weeks.

I already have plans in the works to visit a farm one of the parishioners owns. I've seen farms and I've smelled farms but never actually been on one.

So I guess there will be lots to blog about.

Enough bitching!!

I'm working on my Hebrew - well I'm supposed to be and was listening to the Pirate Radio while doing so. They were giving rewards for the three worst Easter sermons this year. I only heard the third - yes it was pretty bad. They kept saying "this is why you don't let young men preach". The one that I heard was the best of the two - I can't image the other two. These are small churches who can't afford a preacher - these are big churches. But while I'm listening I appreciate the snide comments on one hand but realize that this is really a guilty pleasure. And its really not feeling like a pleasure because I know its really not right. Now I've done my share of bitching lately about bad preaching. And I really have a low tolerance for poor worship planning. But I don't want to end up being so snarky about it either. I think part of my frustration is this place I'm in where I get validation when I preach but I certainly don't have any denominational support to move ahead to ordination. I feel that each time I preach in a new place I have to "prove" something which annoys me because it can get in the way of my preparation if I let it.

So on Easter Sunday I preached what I knew they need to hear and balanced it with the easy, joyful message they expected and wanted. Easter to me isn't as simple as preaching He is Arisen! Because its only part of the story - without Pentecost his arising is a great thing for us to marvel about - but we are really only spectators with a great role model and lots of teaching to try to follow. With the Holy Spirit we are new people! Its always hard to know - do you preach to those who know their faith inside and out - who have great expectations of what they would like to hear or do you preach to the ones that come to church but haven't figured it all out? The more I meet with churched people the more I find that haven't found the true joy - they know that it is a joyful day because they have been told - but that joy has been elusive and they have been settling for what others seem to have. I'm glad I did what I thought was needed rather than what was wanted. If my style and discernment is not suitable then it is best they find someone else.

It seemed appreciated - some people who have grown up in Christian homes liked the new perspective on why Easter can be so important to one group and totally ignored (well except for chocolate bunnies and egg hunts) by the rest.

I have not idea who I will ever preach with full time. Maybe it is ultimately not in God's plan.

A little Saturday drive....

When my church announced that it was time to plan for our yearly picnic I was excited - finally we are going to get out into the community we were envisioned to serve. I wondered how we would do this given our tight budget and was already thinking of cheap ways of making the day extra fun. People were going to get back about where exactly this picnic would take place. I pictured this:



I imagined that we might be a fun crowd that made others in the park feel welcome to join us and the kids in soccer and hot dogs.

The first suggestion for a place came the next week. Darrien Lake. I had to think about this - I know about the one in the States but is there a little lake in Toronto? Apparently not as it was discussed that going to the States would be hard for people without passports. Passports?! For a picnic? Then it was discussed that we would go to Marineland. Prices are from 32 for youngsters and 39 for teens and adults (minus 5 bucks each for group rate). How we are going to get there I'm not sure. Who is paying I'm not sure - especially since the church was originally understood to be affiliated with a low income neighbourhood. Are we inviting people from the neighbourhood? I'm not sure. I have a thousand questions!

Oh My! A REAL Christian Station

A Christian radio station that refuses to play pop Christian tunes. This is not a station for those unfamiliar with faith!

Anyhow can you see in the picture below see the little praying skeleton in the upper left hand screen? Very cute....read on for their self description.




Pirate Christian Radio is an online radio station that is free from the scurvy plagues of pop-psychology, goofy fads, self-help, pietism, purpose-drivenism, the prosperity heresy, contemplative mysticism, seeker-sensitivism, liberalism, relevantism, Emergent nonsense, and the sissy girly Oprah-fied religiosity that is being passed off as "Biblical Christianity"..

This station proclaims "Christ crucified for our sins" and exalts and defends THE historic Christian faith.

If you're looking for "Biblical Principles" that will improve your financial situation, help you raise happier children or have a more fulfilling sex life then you're NOT going to like Pirate Christian Radio.

But, if you are looking for Christian programming that is truly Christ Centered and proclaims the good news of Christ's death and resurrection for your sins, then you will find Pirate Christian Radio to be a refreshing stream of living water that quenches the thirst of your soul.

Good Friday - two services

We went to two services. One at our new church and another at our old church to keep up with our friends.

The first service was a bit annoying because they moved the time forward a full hour and a half. If you weren't there the day they announced it you wouldn't likely know. One of the worship singers didn't know so showed up an hour late.

The service itself was wonderful - there was lots of time for reflection and contemplation and it moved very slowly. Some of the elements like announcements and passing the peace (which normally takes 10 minutes as we all greet every person and chat) were removed so we could be quiet. Some parts were annoying - like the Powerpoint which was out of order again with some lyrics missing. There is a beautiful song with one lyric "Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom". It reflects the robber on the cross that says this at the crucifixion. It is an incredible statement of faith and the answer from Christ is that they will both be in paradise before the day ends. It is one of the shortest confessions of sin with an understood response. Its sung over and over again the, rising and falling. But the person leading missed the lyric and sang "Jesus remember me when I come into your kingdom" Because it wasn't on the Powerpoint almost all people sang it that way. Its a small thing but these things bother me - I'm picky that way. Now if we were a church that did tons of other things in addition to worship I would be less picky. But worship is the key thing that we spend our time on.

Now to contrast the afternoon service was technically excellent. There was a violinist and they brought in a solo vocalist. We knew that the church's worship is a little higher brow then we like but we thought we were prepared for it. There were two beautiful songs that are based on black spirituals. You can imagine them being sung in the fields. One of them sings about how Christ never said a word against his accusers while being crucified. I can imagine the context of singing this as a slave with no voice - no authority over their own lives. Its a strong image. It was a corporate song - you sang it as a group. But when you take the song and have a soloist perform it it becomes another experience. By the time we had been there an hour it felt like a performance. C admitted that 20 minutes in he was finished. It bothers me because I like to believe that I can worship anywhere in any way. There were moments for me when I connected but I just don't get anything out of watching someone sing. It made me wonder how many people are totally disconnected and bored when I preach (or when anyone preaches for that matter). How do I learn how to worship in any situation?

After all is said and done I found that I had connected with the morning service so well - despite the hiccups. And I also remember my friends who have little choice in where they worship or the style they see. We are spoiled that we can be so picky!

Christ is Dead!

A rather shocking title don't you think. In some traditions Christians on Easter Sunday will greet each other with "Christ is risen!!" with the response "He has risen indeed!". It makes sense that the first thing you would say to another is this amazing fact - how could anything else come into your mind?

But on Good Friday we recognize Christ's death but we don't shout about it. But maybe we should. If Christ didn't die then he didn't arise - and if he didn't rise from the dead then we are in a lot of hot water. God would be pretty angry with us for following Jesus if in fact he wasn't the Messiah. And considering what we have done in Christ's name - which is shameful enough - we would truly be cursed.

I couldn't stand it when people on the bus or the subway would sit next to me and say "Jesus loves you". I wonder how I would have felt if people on the Saturday after Good Friday sat down and said "Christ is dead" with a big grin on their face. That's the thing. I would be just as uncomfortable with that statement! Its not that non-Christians have a problem with "Jesus loves you" so much as they have a problem with anyone coming and pushing their viewpoint on them while travelling somewhere. It's like "Do you have life insurance?", "Abortion kills" or "Do you have the time?". The last one is directed at Torontonians - the first reaction is wide eyed fear until they hear that all they are being asked to do is look at their watch!

Which reminds me. After moving here my brother and I were walking with my father down Yonge Street near Dundas. This women walks out of a doorway and asks by brother for the time. He stops to answer and my father grabs him and says "He's only fifteen!". He was laughing as he told us that she didn't want the time but his time! I'm still not convinced she was a hooker. My brother is good looking but he didn't have the look of having a dime!