My Wish List - Bra

I'm trolling around the Sears website yesterday checking out the bras. Some of you out there can relate to this - it doesn't really matter what size you are - buying a good fitting bra is something of a pain in the butt. Not to mention the chest.

First of all - not all bras that are the same size are really the same size. You have to try them all on. But you can only generally take in three at a time. However, you almost always have to try a band size and a cup size up or down based on your own experience from your own size. It is nearly impossible to get out of the fitting room without doing two trips. By the time you try on your 5th bra they all feel like crap - and you can't quite remember if the 2nd one you tried on was really as good as you thought.

So why am I looking at a website? Well it occured to me that looking at the online and establishing on or two styles to try would save me a lot of hassle at the store. To keep track of what I looked at they have a wish list button. They inform me that it is very handy for me to send my wish list to friends and family by email - this way I might receive these items as gifts in the future.

Those at the smaller end of the spectrum and the larger end of the spectrum have a hard time finding the perfect bra at a department store. But I heard about a place called Secrets from Your Sister that is supposed to be fantastic at bra fitting though the bras are pricey - around 100 bucks. But better 100 that fits then the 50 dollars that don't I suppose. So if you are looking to buy me a gift for no particular reason I will save you the hassle of going to the lingerie department with a print out in your hand - give me cash!

Depression Lingers....

Yeah, the depression, though slight, is lingering. I had great plans for today - but fell asleep on the couch watching History Bites (one of my favourite shows) and ended up heading to bed until Cliff got home. Now of course I can't sleep so I am going to read one of my books that I need to do a two page reflection on. Of course, if I'm blogging I can hardly be that productive in my reading!

The Kids are Driving Me Crazy

I used to wonder a bit about Christians that don't watch TV. Its such a foreign idea to me - I would really feel like I would miss something.

Two days of babysitting children on little sleep has meant a more cranky Auntie then the one who normally shows up. And the little darlings were really driving me crazy. They seem to be on some kind of permanent "I want" routine. In Pizza Pizza we were getting something to eat and the 6 year old sees an advertisement on an inscreen TV type of think and announces that he wants to see Step Brothers. He has seen the commercials enough to know the name and to add it to his list. He also wants to see the Mummy. In two days he has asked for so many things I finally got fed up and told him that there were children who wanted food and water and couldn't get that so maybe its time we start counting how many times he says "I want". When I say "no" he says "Why not?". As if I need a good reason to say no to giving him a cup of coffee. His response is "But I want it". As their mother was getting up from sleeping after night shift I was calling up the stairs for the door slamming to stop. "Please stop slamming the door, someone's fingers are going to get caught". She says "You sound just like me, that's what I say". In truth, I just couldn't take the noise any longer.

Being cranky is not my normal mode with the kids and I sensed once or twice that they were playing me. They work as a tag team and there is a tremendous amount of giggling going on. What am I going to do when they realise (and its coming soon) that I am not nearly as smart as they think I am? Maybe we have already reached that day!

At any rate, it distrubs me that the kids know so much about what is out there - games, food, movies, tv shows. I don't know if children who don't watch TV have this compulsive need to ask for things as well or if this is the effects of thinking that things are just their for the taking. I have had the money talk a few times - I think they think that lack of money is a problem to be fixed rather than the natural state of things. Its not that they want too much stuff, its that Auntie and Mom and Dad are being home enough moola for their needs.

So, I'm rethinking the whole question of TV. I used to think it was good for kids to be familiar with the culture out there - but now I'm thinking that it seems wrong to expose young minds to so much excessive stuff.

I'm Feeling Down

I'm feeling down. Good friends are moving soon and I am really going to miss them! I haven't lost a friendship due to moving in years - I don't remember if it was hard when I was younger or not - if it was me moving it was easier because I had a new routine and stuff to go to and a new school to deal with. I had so much on my mind already.

So that along with a few day of insomnia (I only got 2 hours sleep on Monday - I finally fell asleep Tuesday morning at 7:00 a.m. and had to get up to babysit at 10:00 a.m.) and thinking about Calvin Seminary and having some work that needs to be done for school hanging over my head has left me feeling a bit down. I hate feeling like this because sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I'm finding that the more free time I have the longer it takes me to get stuff done because I am a procrastinator.

Books, books and more books!

I am so fortunate - I have boxes and boxes of books - commentaries and theology and all kinds of stuff donated via pastors who can't take everything with them. Only trouble is that I promised myself I would read 4 fiction books this summer. I've started one while babysitting.

Anyhow, I will have books that I can't use so now I can pass those along to classmates and the library and such. Its interesting looking at someone else's library. Mine is filled with certain books and now that I am growing a bit in my knowledge they are ready to be moved out and given to someone else. It never occurred to me that I would ever get to the point where I would give any away.

So I have committed myself to clearing more of the old stuff out and finding a good home for my new stuff - and I have promised not to buy any more books for some time. And now I need to go to the library and find a fiction book to read - I used to read tons but now it seems like its wasting time to read fiction. Which is stupid because watch way too much TV !

Friday's Feast - July 18

Appetizer
When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?

About a month ago and I have to say I did not like the job they did. Usually I am very happy but this time it sucks. Need to think about my next cut.


Soup
Name one thing you miss about being a child.

Hmm. I was a very anxious child so I remember a lot of angst. I think growing up in Greenwood, Nova Scotia the first time (we were posted there twice) - from grade 2 to midway through grade 5. It was a blast. Especially going to the HandyStand with 25 cents and picking out penny candy.


Salad
Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.

Butter. I'll eat margarine but it wasn't something I suffered through as a child. I always marvelled at friends who had margarine. Yuck.

Main Course
If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?

I think French. Its the "other" language. It would be cool to be able to be understood anywhere in Canada.


Dessert
Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…

What a scary thought. I should be done my schooling and I guess leading a congregation? I just don't know.

Going to Calvin

After a long time of discounting Calvin Seminary, I met with someone to discuss what I would need to do to attend Calvin for 12 weeks after my M. Div. to seek ordination in the CRC.

I can't say why I have changed my mind. I have often thought about it and found many reasons to reject the idea. Most of it has to do with my journey with the CRC which I can't say has been very nuturing.

But it crossed my mind to at least consider it and let someone in the denomination know. And then in a prayer meeting with EK some things were talked about and when I left and again the next morning I knew I had to take the idea more seriously.

I'm not sure what it was exactly. We discussed the influence MB has had on individuals and our church. And I considered what that meant. The church is further ahead then it once was but it is not unified, there are still major problems with discipline and spiritual maturity and yet I can't discount the work that has been done.

Its been hard. Not getting a pastor I admire to be a reference for me for Seminary was a real blow. And maybe that became the point. Always seeking assurance from others has been a necessity of mine. Not getting it from those I value the most has been really hard to take. But I went to seminary anyways, into a program that rejects far more than it accepts. Even after I told them a pastor refused to give me a reference because he felt it would be damaging to my acceptance. That should be enough.

And I think that is the key. People will think poorly of the best of pastors because good pastor afflict the comfortable. I realised that the high standards that we set for our pastors was immobilizing me and not getting the reference had really discouraged me altogether. No matter how much encouragement I get from that source I will always regret the lack of confidence in my ability.

But good people can make mistakes, even in assessing other people's readiness for ministry. Gee, maybe I can allow myself to make a mistake!

So when I think about a denomination that I love sitting with so many empty pulpits and I wonder who will fill them it becomes obvious that I need to ask myself why I refuse to consider it. Most of the reasons I rejected Calvin have been removed - the biggest thing I have now is fear. Fear of not making the cut, of being told I'm not good enough. Which is the same battle I have had for the past years as I discerned my path in ministry. I reacted to all of that criticism by going for counselling and those close to me, really close to me say that I have become a different person - less critical, less reactionary and more gracious. I still have room to grow, no doubt. In some ways I am very sad, as I wonder if I would have gotten to this point if we weren't sitting with an empty pulpit. I am sad that people I love are leaving!

Anyhow, I will have to figure everything out and actually do the real stuff like let Calvin know that I will be applying and get all my transcripts in order. And figure out the year that I will take Hebrew. And catch up my Greek. And ensure that I know each book of the bible, themes, writers, time periods and so on. I have to pull up my socks academically. In the end I have no idea if I want to be a full time pastor in the CRC - it seems so hard, but I have to take this first step in faith. God will block the door if I am totally out to lunch!

Short Cottage Visit

On Monday C and I went to the cottage. We planned to be away for 3 nights, four days. It was a welcome break at the cottage that we have not been able to use much because each summer I have been busy with church work or an internship.

After C checked the cottage very carefully for snakes I ventured in and got settled. I felt very confident about the whole thing.

Then C found a snake at the sliding door in the kitchen. As I watched is slither away quite quickly down the hall I realised that this snake was maybe a bit smaller than the last one - but way too big!

Feeling like an idiot, we packed our bags and headed home. I just couldn't imagine spending 3 nights pondering what was slinking around at night.

C went up today to fix the underbelly of the trailer with the belly wrap and special tape that arrived from the States on Tuesday. He also mowed the lawn, move all of the logs from around the fire pit. He also did a good search around the cottage. However, he did not see any snakes.

So...now that the underbelly is fixed and the cottage is sealed we should be able to go up and enjoy it. I am a bit relieved that we may not have any time for a few weeks because I'm still a bit freaked. I may look into treatment which unfortunately usually requires handling a snake at some point. I know they won't force me to do it until I am ready but the idea freaks me out a bit.

Sermon Response: I Want to Die!

Yes, the response to the sermon in today's worship at the local nursing home was "I want to die!". One resident shouted back "Not here please!". I was sure it was one of our church goers who said it so I was relieved when C assured me it was another resident.

Now either the resident was fed up with the worship or really taken on the theme that ultimately our troubles cease and we find peace with Jesus. I'll have to tone it down next time.

The nursing home worker took him away from the service. We were getting ready to sing a song and I was going to address his concern directly (no I don't mean I was going to kill him, I was going to see if we could pray for him), I figure heckling is part of the deal.....

You've Been Left Behind

I'm not up on my end times theology so for those non-Christians out there I will explain this rather badly. Some believe that at the end of the world the believers will be taken up into heaven while the earth continues to live on for 1000 years. Thus you have probably heard of the "Left Behind" series of books that talks about the end times. For those left behind, life ain't too good.

I'm pretty cynical so I'm still a bit unsure if I believe this but there is a website called You've Been Left Behind. For 40 dollars a year I can have emails ready to send at the end times for my loved ones who have not become Christian. The email will come into your box alerting you to the fact that I have beens swept up into Christ's presence and that it is not too late for you to come to know him.

Now here is how it works. There are staff who must sign into their computer program everyday - at least three. They are located across the country (States). If there are not three signed in over a period of three days then the program launches giving another three day window before the emails are automatically sent out.

Interesting. Now guys, do me a favour and save me 40 bucks a year. If I should disappear, along with many of your friends assume the best - the end times have come. I don't particularly believe in this understanding of the end times, there are lots of different interpretations, so don't wait for me to disappear to ask questions about being Christian. I'm not sure I believe in this second chance business - so don't wait - get your questions in now. Not only will I save 40 bucks but we could have a blast hanging out as Christians!